Not enough

I honestly...
I don't know if i am ever going to get over being told i'm not enough. too much to deal with and not enough to satisfy.

 i second guess almost everything with Viking Boy because i fear that he's going to find that i'm too much to deal with... so its almost like i act up to make it happen sooner rather than later.
I sleep with him even when i'm not in the mood or don't really want to because i'm worried he's going to decide i'm not enough to satisfy him.

The absolute confidence I had grown and developed over a year.... utterly destroyed 4 words.
too much.
not enough.

I secretly believe those words because hearing them has always been an insecurity. I don't know how to get them out of my head. They make me feel undeserving.

Just when I think i'm starting to grow a bit stronger, my self esteem wants to try to climb a step higher... those words slap against me like a whip and i just want to curl up in a ball and hide.

I never felt like I was enough.... then I finally did... I felt loved, and supported, and encouraged.... only to have it end with too much and not enough.

not enough.

I wasn't enough for the man I thought I would spend my life with. How can I be sure I'll be enough for VB? How can I be sure that he's not going to get fed up and say i'm too much to handle, not worth the effort because i'm not enough to satisfy him.

I hate those words.

Not enough.