Heart

 My freshman year of undergrad I finally spoke up about the heart palpitations I had been having for as long as I can remember. I had known that something was wrong with my heart since I was in middle school and I found out what a palpitation was (i finally had a name for what I experienced) and that it wasn't normal. In highschool I knew something was wrong with my heart because it would literally feel like it was about to burst when I would run for tennis - it was painful but I shrugged it off. But no, I experienced excruciating pain while calmly sitting in class to the point I wondered if I was having a heart attack - after that I told my mom about the heart palpitations. 

We went to a heart specialist. I got my heart ultrasound (hella cool) but no mermer was found. It looked healthy. Rather than try to find the source of why I was having palpitations regularly, he dismissed it as anxiety and caffeine and sent me on my way. I was a scared 18 year old girl. I was nowhere near anything remotely like an adult. I was 18 but I felt 12. My mom didn't look satisfied, but how could she argue with a doctor? A specialist? 

I was hurt. The doctor didn't take me seriously and brushed me off. But I knew. I knew something was wrong. Every palpitation after that I tried to convince myself I didn't feel it. I got so good at it that I honestly forgot about them as soon as they happened. But over the past 6 months I have noticed them getting worse. No longer were they small enough to ignore. I even mentioned it to my mom, who encouraged me to go back to the doctor. I didn't. 

Here's the thing... because of that one experience? I hate going to the doctor. Every time I can feel that something is off or wrong in my body - I am too scared that a doctor won't believe me. I am terrified of the words "it just happens''. That's what I have been telling myself about my vertigo for over a year. 

Are you ready for the kicker?

I was right. I sent in my DNA for genetic testing for health... and I have a heart condition. I have SQT syndrome (short QT) - which causes arrythmias (palpitations, racing heart, skipped beats). It has some connection to sudden cardiac death (your heart just stops beating for a moment) but that is more often found with Long QT syndrome so I am less at risk. However, arrhythmias increase the risk of stroke. However this is not the condition connected to sudden death or heart attacks. I literally just have an irregular heartbeat randomly. 

Unfortunately it does not seem to be connected to my vertigo - so no answers there. Although I do go see a specialist about that next week. I know my palpitations are connected to stress. But with the stress of finally acknowledging my vertigo... my heart has been flaring up too. My palpitations have been stronger, longer, and more uncomfortable. I've started to have chest pain outside of the palpitations. 

I told my doctor.... and I'm going in for an EKG today. Didn't doubt me. 

I could cry.

I have been carrying  so much hurt and frustration and confusion for 8 years... the validation mixing with those emotions are overwhelming. I keep having crying fits over it. And now, without missing a beat (pun intended) my current doctor/nurse was like "come in. let's look at this"

Seriously want to cry. 

I hope the ear-nose-throat doctor is more like my primary physician and less like the cardiologist.