Notes from Recalling our own stories: ***TO USE FOR SOCIAL MAP PAPER

What I would highlight if I had the physical book

• Chapter 1
• I conclude that a model of spiritual renewal exists in Scripture. It is many centuries old, but it informs what is needed in spiritual renewal today. (8)
• A third thing I learned about spiritual renewal from my father is that it requires not only reflecting on the call but also rehearsing and recounting the story in a community or public setting. My dad chose the pulpit, and Paul had to use the courtroom. Spiritual renewal is greatly enhanced when it is done with others present. (8)
• Spiritual renewal is finding a fresh, novel, and creative way of allowing the call to reorient our present lives so as to bring replenishment and hope. Spiritual renewal is a process of connecting with our original motivation for ministry, and then moving systematically into examining areas of our lives in light of that call. (8)
• By mythology, I mean the beliefs and convictions that people have about themselves, their relationships with others, their roles in life, and their ministry. As used here, myth refers to the way beliefs and convictions are constructed and how these constructions shape our lives and our behavior. Beliefs and convictions are represented by certain repetitive themes that appear in the stories we tell. At times, I may use the words myth and theme synonymously, although they are different. Myths are the stories we tell, while themes reflect the beliefs and convictions in the stories. (8)
• The project of existence is an overarching framework in an individual’s life that gives meaning and shape to everything that goes on. It is a vocational umbrella, or window, through which we look at all of what we do. It is the dominant, self-understood purpose for which we have been born. It tells us what to do daily in our ministry, and it informs how we execute our roles and functions. It serves as a kind of road map in fulfilling our call. (8)
• The dominant myth, the project of existence, gives meaning and shape to our lives...The project of existence has at its core the call... Lesser stories—our submyths—often take center stage in our lives. When this happens, we suffer loss of meaning and direction(9)
• The emphasis on perfection has led people to describe the effort to achieve empathy as having “sucked the life out of the caregiver,” and as having “the potential to contaminate” us as caregivers if we have no place to turn to for emotional and spiritual renewal. How to renew and sustain our vital spiritual and emotional life as religious and professional caregivers, and thus replenish our energy, remains a crucial need in the face of the demand for perfect empathy. (10)
• It is not easy for religious caregivers to move beyond the perfectionistic impulse to awareness of the need for spiritual renewal and retreat. Perfectionistic thinking is so strong that we deny our own need for healing and resist the efforts of others to help us see our vulnerability and suffering. (10)
• the metaphor “walking wounded” as another reply to the perfectionistic myth. He uses the term to characterize those of us who deny our vulnerability and woundedness and who, consequently, walk around as wounded people seeking to help others. Instead of achieving good enough empathy, we become dangerous to ourselves and to those we seek to care for. (11)
• Our task is to reedit, or reauthor, our own mythologies where they make it difficult to carry out our call. In reauthoring the myths in our lives, we assume that the call from God is ongoing. God’s call is like an unfolding drama in which new meaning is disclosed daily, and as the called we are invited to participate in these new meanings and possibilities. (13)
• Chapter 2 - Personal Myths
• Ministry is just as much a hazardous occupation as that of high-rise window washing or stunt car driving. In fact, all of the “helping professions” are hazardous in the sense that they include a high danger of burnout and a high risk of fallout. Burnout can be seen in those who become fatigued, discouraged, and overwhelmed. Fallout can be seen in those who leave one vocation and enter another. While it is not likely that clergy will plunge ten stories to their deaths, as those perched near the top of skyscrapers might, still, they are constantly exposed to dangers that could threaten their mental health, their judgment, and their motivation. (Malony and Hunt 1991, 33) - (14)
• A personal mythology is made up of the convictions and beliefs that we hold about ourselves. It is made up of specific themes (Bagarozzi and Anderson 1989), including:
• Early memories
• Whether or not we feel welcomed and wanted
• Our birth order in relationship to other siblings
• Gender
• Name and nickname
• Peer and sibling relationships
• Roles we played (or still play) in our family of origin
• Parental discipline in our family of origin and in school
• How our parents relate(d) to each other
• The stories with which we identify
• (14)
• As we see from the list, these themes have their genesis in our family of origin and our early childhood experiences. They are symbolic in nature and laden with affect (which is defined as “the conscious subjective aspect of an emotion considered apart from bodily changes”). The themes have several components, notably the internalized and externalized relationships that we have with significant others early in our lives and how the self interprets experience. (14
• This is why we delve into family systems theory...
• Common Personal Myths: I have encountered certain personal myths in retreats, in classes, and in my counseling with others. My selection of certain myths here is not exhaustive; there are many possible types. (14)
• The Myth of Rejection: The myth of rejection is the belief that you are unwanted, even unwelcome, in life....The myth of rejection makes us highly vulnerable to the myth of perfection. (14)
• The Myth of Powerlessness: This myth is not as obvious since we often hide our feelings of powerlessness, from ourselves and others. Facing a difficulty or crisis could make us quite aware of being powerless. The myth of powerlessness is the conviction that we have no real power or agency to impact our lives and the lives of others, our environment, and our world. (15)
• The Myth of the Loner:  A person who perceives himself or herself to be a loner distrusts the world. The loner fears getting emotionally close, fears being hurt or disappointed. They desire closeness, but intimacy is threatening. ... This fear of closeness is accompanied by a belief that we are unrealistically flawed and imperfect. Isolation from close relationships helps us handle the overwhelming sense of imperfection. But wishing to be perfect is still deeply rooted in our sense of self, and so we loners are often preoccupied with perfection, especially when relationships hamper our efforts. (16)
• The Myth of the Good Girl: The myth of the good girl is the conviction that you must be good and gracious at all costs. It is rooted in feelings that you cannot be angry or upset because this will make others uncomfortable. The goal is perfect goodness.(17)
• The Myth of Invulnerability: The myth of invulnerability is a major theme in the lives of most ministers. I have found it the most prevalent myth in my teaching in seminary. Even in retreats, ministers seem to need permission from the leader and others to be open about their vulnerability. In a competitive and success-oriented culture being vulnerable is a liability. Not recognizing our vulnerability and using it appropriately is a liability as well. (18)
• The Myth of Sole Responsibility: Ministers of both genders may suffer from an overblown sense of responsibility. The myth of sole responsibility relates to the conviction that what happens in life depends solely on us. It is a heavy burden, accompanied by the feeling that because no one else can carry the responsibility we are left all alone to do so. (18)
• The Myth of Self-Sacrifice or Unlovability: This myth relates to the belief that we will only be loved if we hide our true selves. The love we received as children was often conditional, based on performing up to others’ expectations, to the detriment of self. A major theme in this myth is unrequited or unreturned love. (18)
• The Myth of the Savior:  Given our childhood and family-of-origin experiences, the myth of the savior is one to which many ministers are prone. We are prime candidates  for  developing  this  myth  because  of  the  sometimes-limitless hopes that others bring to us. The myth of the savior is the conviction that our role in life remains to bring stability and peace to the “family.” This role can be negative or positive, depending on whether we have received the nurturing and support we need in order to grow. (19)
• The Myth of Aloofness: The loner is convinced of their ineptness in close relationships. In the myth of aloofness, we believe that emotional closeness is dangerous. We must stay disengaged or disconnected from relationships in order to be a self. As aloof persons, we fear being swallowed up in relationships. We are intimidated and overwhelmed by the perfectionistic expectations of others, so we must remain aloof in order to survive emotionally.(19)
• Chapter 3 - Family & relationship Myths
• Marital myths examine the nature of the ideal-mate and ideal-marriage expectations. Family myths explore ideal-child and ideal-family expectations...Marital and family myths help shape how we relate to our mates, our children, our extended families, our friends, our parishioners, and to the care seekers who come to us. Positive marital and family myths have a nurturing impact on others and also sustain us in our daily lives. Negative marital and family myths hinder our ability to be nurturing and caring; they drain us of our energy and our motivation for caring (22)
• Religious caregivers must attend to marital and family myths because the quality of our marital and family life impacts the quality of the ministry we undertake. Edwin Friedman talks about the pastor being part of several families (Friedman 1985). The pastor is a member of the family of origin (the family into which they are born), the family of creation (the family the pastor and their spouse create), and the family of the church. (23)
• The common marital myths to be explored are
• The myth of jubilation: This myth of expectation is commonly found among religious caregivers who were assigned adult responsibility as children and who lost their childhood as a result. One ideal-mate image is the expectation that our spouse creates an environment of joy that compensates for the childhood we lost while growing up. This unconscious myth holds that the spouse will stimulate unlimited joy and happiness. (23)
• The myth of settling: An important theme in ideal-mate expectations is that of settling. In my experience, settling is more commonly found among women ministers. Its themes grow out of cultural expectations of women...With regard to the image of the ideal mate, settling dictates that it is sufficient to find a mate who allows one to retain a vestige of the role played in the family of origin. Thus, one settles for no more than what one experienced in childhood. In the language of ideal-mate expectations, the myth of settling essentially says, “If I can’t have my ideal or perfect mate, I’ll settle for the next best thing.” (23)
• The myth of the parental substitute: It is common among people who join the ministry to have been prematurely assigned adult responsibility as children. In adulthood, they find that one typical way of carrying on adult responsibility is to care for “children.” The myth of the parental substitute is the conviction that we have to be responsible for the lives of others—especially our parents. The roles we play belong to the previous generation, in which our parents failed to provide for their own needs. (24)
• Always being the mom friend... this is one I am trying to break. Lets see if there is a family version of this instead of mate. 
• The myth of repudiating family-of-origin pitfalls:  It is typical that we want to avoid the pitfalls and problems we witnessed in our family of origin. Therefore, at the conscious level we make an effort to marry someone who we believe can potentially help us avoid repeating the past. This is a common expectation for many religious caregivers. The myth of repudiation is an ideal-mate image wherein we expect our mate to repudiate something of our negative family-of-origin experience. Our family-of-origin experience has been so negative that we not only want the positive experiences to be repeated but also want to avoid the repetition of the bad family patterns. It is intuitive that our desire to avoid the negative family-of-origin patterns is stronger than our desire to repeat the positive family experiences. (25)
• The myth of the knight in shining armor: When young girls are exposed to romantic stories, they often take root in their lives such that the girl, as she grows into adulthood, can draw on the stories at crucial points in her life cycle. Among the stories for young girls to choose from, the “Cinderella” and “Sleeping Beauty” myths are favorites. Women caregivers sometimes turn to these myths to help them face critical points of transition in their lives. (25)
• The myth of unlimited affection: Divorce and remarriage are common experiences among caregivers. Following divorce, the ideal-spouse image often resurfaces at the prospect of remarriage. It is not unusual for caregivers still to be struggling with ideal-mate images in the middle and late stages of the life cycle. (26)
• The ideal-marriage myth of positive communication: Eventually both came to realize the pattern they were in, and they were able to identify its origins. Moreover, they identified their respective ideal-mate images at work in all the conflict. (26)
• The myth of limited possibility in midlife: At midlife, the marital issues we thought we had dealt with earlier in the marriage began to resurface—particularly when my parents came into our home. I saw firsthand how hard it was for both my parents to be close with each other and expressive. In observing their patterns, I decided I could do much better about being close to my spouse than I had in the past. At that point, I saw another, hopeful way of relating in my own marriage. (27)
• The common family myths that we explore are
• The myth of fulfilling the family legacy: Family myths are made up of ideal or perfect-child images. Each marital partner brings an image of the ideal child to the family, and it shapes the interaction between the couple  and  their  children.  The  ideal-child  image  becomes  the standard to which the growing child is held during the expansion phase of the family life cycle. (27)
• The myth of premature adult responsibility: They began to believe that she was not ready for adult responsibility, and that it was premature to expect this of her. Only when they came to  that  conclusion  and  began  to  respond  to  her  in  a  more  age-appropriate way did Brittany improve in her behavior at school and at home. The Houstons realized that expecting democratic participation was premature, and that Brittany would have to learn to be an adult gradually in keeping with her emotional and psychological readiness. She had been overwhelmed by the push for responsibility; she had to learn to be responsible in small steps.(28)
• The myth of dire consequences: This myth is a belief, shared by all family members, that the family cannot survive unless a selected person plays a specific—for him sacrificial—role. What makes the myth negative is just this need to sacrifice his own growth and development while actually thinking that the sacrifice is essential for the family to survive. This is often the case with caretakers who are expected to take on premature adult responsibility. The family as a whole believes that it cannot function well without that person performing this essential role.(28)
• The myth of the family mediator: The myth of mediation finds a particular family member selected to be the family reconciler, to whom every family member turns when there is conflict.
• The myth of the family scapegoat: In the myth of the family scapegoat, the family member is selected by the family to carry its pain and guilt.
• Our expectations around images of the ideal mate, ideal child, ideal marriage, and ideal family all put pressure on us if there is any discrepancy between the ideal and the real. Resolving the conflict between ideal and real takes energy; as a result, it can have an impact on our emotional presence in our caregiving.(29)
• Additionally, the ideal expectations that we bring to marriage and family life may be very similar to those we bring to relationships with parishioners and people for whom we care. As we have seen, unresolved family-of-origin issues are often transferred to the ideal mate or ideal child, who is then expected to make up for the deficits we sustained in our own early childhood. The same expectations can be transferred to caregiving settings, with the person receiving our care expecting us to make up for her own deficient childhood needs. It is important for us to note that the transference can work in either direction, to or from the caregiver. (29)
• Another way that negative family and marital mythologies have an impact on our caregiving is in relationships. Sometimes those for whom we care get involved with us as the caregiver in a matchmaking process. Single caregivers are often warned to keep their dating outside of work settings, to avoid dual relationships. In a dual relationship, the caregiver relates to the receiver of care in multiple contexts where acceptable boundaries can easily be blurred. Sometimes the caregiver’s own personal needs and myths push him into inappropriate involvements, where those in need of care are expected to meet the needs of the caregiver. (29)
• Chapter 4: Ministry Myths
• Caregivers who take on premature adult responsibility are often victims of ideal or perfect-child expectations. They become overfunctioners and take on the major responsibility for maintaining and cultivating relationships. They learn to neglect their own needs, repress deep resentments about being taken for granted by others, and seek caring roles as a way to deal with and medicate their hurts and unreturned love. They often seek relationships that perpetuate their family-of-origin roles; close relationships are a frustrating and unrewarding experience. Likewise, relationships within the ministerial setting are felt to be extremely threatening. In short, many caregivers who come to spiritual renewal retreats, pastoral counseling, and seminary are the walking wounded, whose need for relief from overwhelming roles is very acute. (32)
• ministerial myth of “overfunctioning,” its origins in early childhood experiences and peer relationships, and the cultural influences helping to shape it... The sources of ministerial mythology range from the religious caregiver’s private inner life to a sense of calling, to family roles and dynamics, to religious upbringing, to theological and ecclesiastical traditions, and to sociocultural roles. self-differentiation is the ability to take the “I” position in the context of family, that is, the maturity and ability to know who we are apart from others ... (32)
• Myth of Over functioning: Overfunctioning is very common among religious caregivers. We are quite prone to the conviction that we must take on the major responsibility for maintaining and enhancing relationships with others. Overfunctioning is both a role and a myth. It has the function of a role in that we carry it out. It is a myth because we believe that we must play this role in order to be fulfilled in life. (32)
• The myth of self-sufficiency: The larger myth of overfunctioning is home to the theme of self-sufficiency. Those of us who are loners and remain aloof are quite vulnerable to this myth, the belief that we are self-sufficient and don’t need anyone else in performing our ministerial roles. Customarily, the  person  visualizes  himself  as  being  already  perfect.  (33)
• The myth of sacrificing joy: There is a long tradition of self-sacrifice in Western and European Christianity. Part of this tradition is a negative attitude toward worldly pleasures and joy. To be a sad Christian is to be marked as someone special in the kingdom of God. Because of the prominence of self-sacrifice in Western and European theology, many ministers are prone to developing myths where denial of worldly pleasures is the  norm.  The  theology  of  denial  of  joy,  when  combined  with family-of-origin dynamics, has considerable negative consequences for us religious caregivers. (34)
• The myth of pleasing at all costs: It sounds ironic, but the myth of pleasing is related to the theme of self-sacrifice. We often sacrifice who we are to make sure that others are happy; we place their need for nurture and growth before our own. The desire to please and be liked becomes so overwhelming at times that we literally lose our sense of self. As caregivers, we are prone to living out this myth. (34)
• The myth of the underfunctioner:  As we saw in exploring the myth of overfunctioning, overfunctioners produce the opposite effect in others by way of an inevitable balancing of the relationship. Where there is an overfunctioner, there must be an underfunctioner. Underfunctioning can also arise from a belief that one is a victim. Thus, it does not result only from being around an overfunctioner; underfunctioning can come from having significant others around who function minimally. The theme in this ministerial mythology is a belief that we have no real capacity for ministry because of our victimization in childhood. Victimization arises from the blurring of boundaries between parent and child, where the parent fails to respect the parent-child relationship (Doehring 1995). (35)
• Chapter 5: Reauthoring the Myths That Bind Us
• Reauthoring is about change in the personal, marital-family, and ministry myths. We can transform the beliefs and convictions we have long held about our sense of self, ourselves in relation to others, and how we engage in the activity of caring. Reauthoring recognizes that change in convictions and beliefs is possible; we are not totally at the mercy of our early childhood experiences, unconscious processes, and cultural conventions. While altering our myths is a slow process with much struggle and resistance, reauthoring moves forward as our resolve grows that we are neither totally passive in creating and formulating myths nor acquiescent in living out the stories that myths entail. (38)
• Several significant assumptions underlie the reauthoring process: (38)
• Reality is socially constructed....Transformation Is Possible: Myths can change, because they are inherently social constructions or social attributions (Berger and Luckman 1966)... As we mature and grow older, however, we discover that unique and personal attributions are not only possible but can be different from those shared by others. Ultimately, as adults we combine shared and private attributions to shape our understanding of reality and experience. Personal, marital-family, and ministerial myths are shared and private attributions in a storied formulation, a mythical pattern. They develop socially and personally, based on interactions with others as we participate in life. As social creations, myths are not just socially inherited or passed on to others without being personally modified. In fact, we make subtle shifts in them as we develop our own private attributions. (38)
• Transformation is possible, but not easy....Transformation of Myths Is Difficult: 
• While transformation is inherent to the formulation of myths, it is not always easy. Myths function to interpret reality and events that take place throughout life. In the early process of myth formulation, our experiences in the family of origin and with significant others are very influential—so influential that the myths evolved from them seem unalterably resistant to change. They seem to be part of an indelible, genetic blueprint, non-malleable by any environmental influences. The nature of myths is to appear fixed and unchangeable. Yet if we understand how myths evolve and see how we participate in their creation, we can discern the possibility of transformation. In the actual process of editing myths, we are surprised to discover that what was once considered closed and permanently fossilized in our being is not only changeable but actually awaiting transformation. (38)
• Change occurs normally throughout life cycle transitions, as well as at less predictable moments such as a sudden upheaval or trauma....Life Transitions and Crises Precipitate Transformation: Attribution, or assigning meaning to life experiences, is the result of our encounters with life transitions and traumatic events. Myths are formed from attributions that help us make sense of things. Life transitions and traumas such as accidents challenge our existing, attributed structure of meaning. Existing attributions are often inadequate in helping us respond to new challenges; they need to be modified to “explain” the new situational demands (Rediger 1996). (38)
• Innovation is facilitated when we can envisage our own role in creating our own myths....Envisioning Our Role in Reauthoring Eases Transformation: Life will always present us with transitional and situational challenges. Existing attributions and myths need modifying, as a result. As we face challenges to our existing mythic formulations and interpretations of reality, not all of us will do the necessary editing and updating. Some of us resist changing them, feeling secure with what we already have done regarding our beliefs. Others of us, however, readily welcome the challenges and grow as a result. We see the new challenges as opportunities rather than dangers. (38)
• Re-storying or discovering novel dimensions of our own stories facilitates transformation....Re-Storying Is Possible: Re-storying is possible when we discern new dimensions in our existing stories. Sometimes there is hidden meaning in existing stories; it remains obscure until we actually risk editing the existing attributions. White and Epston call these hidden possibilities “historical unique outcomes” (1990, 56). This refers to new possibilities that result when, in reediting our stories, we encounter new information from the past that contradicts the way information had been organized. Such discoveries can precipitate new meanings and attributions, which in turn assist in the re-storying process.(38)
• Bringing new perspectives to past experience helps create new story possibilities...Transformation Means a New Perspective on Things: Change can come when we are able to reframe our experience. Reframing refers to putting experience into a different perspective, or framework, and thus envisioning new possibilities for life that were not initially evident. It can be said that reframing is not really change, because it shifts only the perspective and not the actual facts of the experience. Facts are interpreted so as to bring meaning to them; while there is merit in the argument that nothing has changed, nevertheless behavior generally follows changes in beliefs and convictions. Consequently, changing convictions and beliefs is a prerequisite for transforming behavior. (38)
• There are several stages in the reauthoring of personal myths:
• Establishing the Environment for Reauthoring:  Prior to identifying the themes and subthemes of personal myths, we who seek to reauthor our myths must attend to several conditions conducive to successful reauthoring.(39)
• Identify the themes that make up our personal myth:  The most important one is to set a proper environment or context for the reauthoring process: In self-disclosure, the leader shares aspects of her own early memories, birth myth, naming process, and other things that help bring participants on board in the process.  (39)
• Assess the influence of these themes on our lives over a period of time. This assessment determines if the themes are growth-facilitating or growth-inhibiting, and whether they contribute to our being wounded healers rather than remaining walking wounded: The second phase is mapping and assessing the impact of the personal myths on our lives. The myth we create is related to how we carry out our lives and live in our relationships. We begin tracing the themes of our personal myths: how they are associated with experiences we had early in our lives. We begin to correlate our current behavior with our interpretations of those early experiences. For example, one person traced a contemporary pattern in how she dealt with the men in her life to certain convictions she had come to regarding family-of-origin experiences; specifically, she felt that in order to be accepted she must always please those who had the potential to accept her. Other people seek a link between early-childhood assumption of responsibility and myths about their adult patterns and roles. (39)
• Attempt to discern God’s presence or a spiritual force at work in transforming these themes into themes of a wounded healer: Identifying God’s presence and work in our lives is a process unique to each of us. How we discern depends on a variety of things relating to how we carry out our spiritual discipline. Some of us use prayer to discern God’s presence and help in our revising of our personal myths. An appropriate prayer of petition is to ask where God is working to bring healing to past relationships, and how God is helping us edit the beliefs and convictions we use to interpret life. Others turn to reading spiritual books, including the Bible. This approach focuses on discerning patterns of how God worked in the lives of biblical persons, in the belief that God continues to work in similar ways in the present and future. Some people identify with biblical characters, knowing that there are similarities in their own lives. Or we may find God at work in our lives as we attempt to edit our personal myths, beginning with our work on the questionnaires that lead us to the themes of our personal myths. It may happen as we begin to review our call and its continued work in our lives. We may see God working through a slow process as we examine our lives in segments, in the different periods of time. (40)
• Make plans to alter the themes of the personal myth in order to increase our growth possibilities: The goal of reauthoring personal myths is to revise the story that runs through our personal behavior, to heal wounds and transform them into sources of strength in service to others. The identification, assessment, and discerning phases of the reauthoring process are all essential components to altering personal myths. Making plans is the final phase, wherein we outline the specific steps that will modify the myth. The plans vary as widely as the individuals who make them. Some people contract with spiritual guides to explore in more depth their various mythologies. Some commit to doing research on their favorite biblical character, to learn more about how that person lived out his life. Some choose to enter personal counseling, while others seek accountability groups of peers to help them care for themselves better. Many choose the path of continuing education focused on spiritual disciplines. Some choose to be coached in how to go home, to work on family-of-origin issues. (40)
• Returning home: This dimension of the reauthoring process is meant to gather information to fill in the gaps in our understanding of personal myths...Some people do not have the choice to return home....We can see that reauthoring personal myths has no specific timetable. It varies with each person, depending on the level of maturity, the severity of the problems involved, and other complex factors. Some people are able to revise their myths in a weekend retreat, while others may need much longer.
• Revising marital and family myths follows the same phases as reediting personal myths. There comes a point in time where there must be a symbolic divorce and remarriage (to the same person) if the marriage is to grow and develop. There are times in marriage and family life when the old beliefs about men and women, children, marriage, and family life must be changed to meet the realities that people are facing. Such times of change may be moments in which individuals, marriages, and families face life-cycle transitions; when they face threats from outside the marriage and family, such as discrimination, unemployment, economic hardship, dislocation, and others; and when the myths that govern marital and family life are no longer adequate to meet the needs of those involved. When myths are no longer adequate, the family has an opportunity to change the myths, for the individuals, the marriage, and the family. (41)
• First-order change is returning the marriage or family system to the original dynamic state that existed prior to the impetus for change. In this form of change, the marital and family myths remain intact. Second-order change refers to actually reauthoring (editing) the marital and family myths so that the original myths are altered considerably and the behavior of those involved is substantially affected. In some cases, marriages and families experience both first-order and second-order changes, depending on what the precipitating events are.(41)
• The seminary experience often triggers marital and family difficulties for students. There are two quite common causes: the student has to commit emotional energy to the seminary experience, or the curriculum work precipitates their personal growth. In the first instance, the seminary experience challenges the student’s assumptions about life and how life should be lived in light of faith. This is often a traumatic experience, and the student often withdraws emotional energy from marriage and family relationships in order to invest it in dealing with the challenges to her or his way of viewing life and faith...In the second instance, the pace of personal growth accelerates because of new and intense experiences that the student undergoes with peers, in the classroom, and in supervised ministerial encounters. These experiences also upset the seminary student’s marital and family stability. (41)
• Distinguishing oneself from family-of-origin roles and dynamics is known as self-differentiation; it is vital to reediting our marital and family myths. People with relatively good self-distinction can engage in the reauthoring process of their ideal-child, ideal-parent, and ideal-family  myths  in  a  retreat  format.  Others  with  less  self-distinction need marital and family counseling. (41)

Seeing as these are the only chapters we need.... I have gotten pretty much all of the meat and potatoes... so I canceled my order and got a refund.