spectrum pt 4: corie

how do i explain this to corie?

i mean... she knows that my bod is "weird" and "odd".
she knows i don't really crave sex the way she does.
she is learning to read me/my body to know when its ok to do stuff (or, she is trying to)

do i even need to tell her that my weirdness has a name?
would it help her at all?

do i need to tell anyone?

I mean... mom and cara already think i'm weird. they, like corie, know i don't really have an interest in sex.

i tried to explain to them what asexuallity is, it came up in conversation, and they both had negative reactions. pretty much a thats-weird-is-that-even-possibly-that-makes-no-sense-those-people-need-help kind of way.

so...aside from this blog.... should i even bother to tell anyone?

Maybe Kenzie... she is an asexual who likes sex. funny how i know 2 asexuals.

idk.

i think its ok that i keep saying i'm a lesbian....

for now.

i'm a grey sexual lesbian?


*** moment of panic just hit me

oh gods....oh god oh god...

what if corie breaks up with me because of this?
she is a highly sexual person.
i'm definitley not.

its caused tension before..

i've already said i think it will cause her to leave me.

now that i know i'm not the only one like this, i will grow more confident in myself.
i'll stop beating myself up over it (ha thats a lie... i'll just get through it like i did when i realized i like girls.)

but my confidence will grow...

what if it causes more tension?
and she breaks up with me because of it?

SHIT.