FUCK THIS

So I wake up this morning from nightmares. I know what them stem from. My anxiety over possibly losing my job at Foodlion and over the fact that Jimmie has t broken up with Ayla yet. On top f that none of my alarms went off and I was running late, when I see... Ayla texted me.


She said:  I’m hella sleep deprived and way to emotional to be messaging you this but Lisa. It has been a week. If you are not going to talk to jimmie I need you to talk to me. Remember this started as communication and I need to know what you are thinking because Jesus this is just stressful and straining to all of us. And it’s break time! Like I understand that emotions are not easy or soft for you but you should have talked to me about this before it was this bad. Drunk ayla can respect clear boundaries, and I’m sorry that it upset you but this is stressing all of us the fuck out.



Fuck this.

Jimmie wanted till the end f the week,  he had it. Now I’m acting. I have censored and not posted on my blog ALL WEEK because he asked me not to, in case Ayla read it. I had to block her from my Snapchat so that I could post about us seeing starwars because he didn’t want her to know.

Was that his grand fucking pan? Just say that I was giving the cold shoulder and he didn’t know what to do or how to act because I wasn’t talking? I didn’t know how he was managing to draw it out so long, she’s not stupid, I figured she had to have known it was coming... but no. He just kept her anxiously in the dark. That asshole. That poor girl.

I’m going to tell her everything. She deserves to know.

She deserves to know that Monday night everything was decided.

He chose me. Before I even started talking to him. I didn’t ask him to chose. I didn’t tell him I was going to leave. He just chose.

She deserves to know that I have been with Jimmie every day this week.
She deserves to know that he was keeping this from her.
She deserves the fucking truth.

I’m going to tell her my perspective from that night.
Explain why it hurt me so badly.

And goddamn it!!!

I am so pissed.

I should have just trusted my instincts and talked to her myself... but no. Jimmie wanted to do it at the end of the week. Week has passed and he didn’t do it.

So now I am.

And then after I have my conversation with her, he and I wil have one.

Fuck this. Fuck all f this.

And she needs to wake the fuck up and read the goddamned messages so that all of the air will be cleared.


I am so fucking pissed that she thinks I would be so petty as to be silent for a week over something like that. Of coarse I would talk about it as soon as I fucking calmed down.

Ugh. AND I HAVE SIX DAYS OF PENT UP EMOTIONAL ENWRGY OVER BLOGS I HAVE NOT BEEN ALLOWED TO WRITE AND NOW I FEEL LIKE A VOLCANO THAT NEEDS TO ERUPT ONLY I CANT.