Catch 22

I’m in a catch 22 situation. Or should I say Jimmie is?

The only way to ensure that Jimmie doesn’t have to chose one girl over the other is for me to leave him. Gods the thought of that makes me want to puke.

But this opened up a can of worms that cannot be closed again.
And he has the potential not not only hurt me, but destroy me. I’m talking about the same level Jake  did. Remember that? Took me over 2 years to recover.

My brain is telling me to protect myself. How? Leave before he can do it.

But that’s going to hurt. So bad. Both me and him. At least Ayla could comfort him.

On the other hand...

I tell him this. And he either agrees and I leave... or he breaks up with Ayla. This would hurt her, and hurting her would hurt him on top of the pain of losing her would cause. Causing him so much pain is going to hurt me. Plus he could grow to resent me for it. I don’t want that.


So either way both of us are going to hurt. It’s just a matter of who’s going to end up hurting more...

And I just feel guilty. And scared.

My chest hurts. But I can’t be a coward... I have to do it tonight. I will stress about it until I work myself into a frenzie.

Oh gods this is going to hurt.

Catch 22.