warning: bad mood, whatever i type now might not be how i feel later

i hate being in a bad mood. hate it. but oh well, right?

this thing with jake,is just because i'm lonely, like i thought. Its just wishful thinking. wich of course, makes me very bitter. UGHHHHHHH WHAY DID I CHOOSE TO BE BORN A FUCKING LESBIAN???????? before you are born, you pick out things for your life, so althoughi believe a mixture of genetic and psychological factors played into me being a lesbian, my spirit chose it before hand. WHY????? all it does is cause heart ache and bad mods. FUCK!

i don't want to talk to anyone right now... i don't want to be near anyone right now.... i want to be alone. i don't want to be alone. fuck it all.

my emotions are detaching themselves from me. once again i am feeling hollow emotions. i feel them but they feel empty...so idk how i feel about allison or ashley... i know my feelings for jake are temporary and i know i am in a horrible mood. but thats about all i fucking know right now.shit.

uuughh... i just want to have a punching bag....
i just want to cry
i just want to disapear...
i just want...to not?
i just want to not be a lesbian. i just want to not have any emotions. i just want not to be hollow. i just want not to be.

fuck.