I won’t give up by Jason Mraz

I’m not ready to relinquish my hope.

I was very very drunk. And very very hurt.

He’s on tinder. He’s flirting with other girls.
He needs the ego boost.


I too for a short time had tinder and bumble and enjoyed the ego boost as the matches constantly chimed non stop. But I didn’t need the ego boost. The few I actually talked to I felt guilty because I couldn’t even flirt with them; it wasn’t sincere and I wasn’t even remotely interested.
I quickly deleted the apps.

He does need the ego boost apparently.
And if he has no problem stringing people along, then ... what’s that say about me?

I would hope that my devotion to him isn’t an ego boost. He told me tonight that it’s just flirting. It’s “fun”. That he still does EVENTUALLY want to get back together.

I just wish I was so disconnected that I could do that. But I can’t. It’s been three weeks and I can’t even bring myself to casually allow myself to be pursued .

A song keeps repeating in my head and I pray to the gods that it’s will come to pass.
I love him. I love only him. I have -100% interest in anyone else. Not even for the sake of flirting.

I don’t need it.

I love myself as I am. I am sure of myself. I don’t need an ego boost.
And if he ends up replacing me while he’s working on himself... it will be his loss.

But for the next few months....

“And when you're needing your space
To do some navigating
I'll be here patiently waiting
To see what you find

Cos even the stars they burn
Some even fall to the earth
We got a lot to learn
Gods knows we're worth it
No I won't give up”

I’ll focus on my spirituality and grow there. I’ll begin my MBA. 

And I’ll give him his time. I’ll give him his space. 

But it doesn’t make it hurt any less.