Let go.

I keep getting the oracle card telling me to let go. That deaths and endings are a right of passage.

I get that the break up is a right of passage so to speak. He needs to grow alone and I need to grow alone. I get that.

I get that our past relationship is over.  I’ve let go of that. I’m moving out and even if he and I were to suddenly get back together tomorrow, I would still move out in August.

So what do I need to let go of? The hope that we will get back together? I don’t think I can honestly let go of that until I move out and it becomes clear that there is no hope.

So what is it that I’m suppose to let go of right now? Let go of the sadness I feel? I don’t know how. Let go of te anxiety that he will find someone else when I leave? Let go of the fear that I’ve lost the man I thought I was going to marry? Just tell me how and I will let t all go.

I’m tempted to do a card reading on our future because if there is no hope of us getting back together I want to know now so I can  cauterize the wound and move on. But if there is hope... I will continue to bleed until all lessons have been learned and we get back together.

I just wish I knew. I don’t know how to heal and I don’t know when to let go.
August is so far away, and it probably won’t be until September until I finally accept that he and I are done completely if he drops contact with me.

I don’t know what is sincere and what is just pacifying.
And if he is sincere now, it may change when I move out because out of sight out of mind.

So doing a card reading now would be pointless anyway.

I just want to know. I don’t know what it is I’m suppose to let go of... or to what extent.