Waiting

Yes. I am waiting.

I am waiting for him to be ready to be in a relationship again.
I will wait for his mental health struggles to get balanced and settled.
I will wait until he has found a balance between work and school and free time.

I am waiting... but I am not waiting idly.

I have goals of my own to focus on.
I have hobbies I want to redevelop and new ones I want to bring in.
I have my own list of things I want to accomplish.

And they aren’t just petty distractions.
They are thins I want to develop as a part of who I am; I want to grow as a person while he does the same.

So, I lied. I lied every time I told someone “no, I’m not waiting for him. I just have my own things to focus on”.
Every time I said that I was thinking “yes, I’m going to wait for him to get things figured out. AND while I do that I am going to focus on myself”.

So this is my confession.

I will wait until he is ready and able to be in a romantic relationship again.
I am happy to do so, because it gives me time to become a stronger, person.
I will not worry about him falling in love with another girl because I trust him.

I trust him to tell me if a reunion is no longer his desire.
I trust him to tell me if he finds someone else.

Until that time I trust him.
I will no longer devote energy into worry over him,  I will only devote energy into growing my mind, body, and spirit.
When he is able to be with me again, it will be with a more sure, independent, and powerful me.

I am not in a hurry.
I am not rushing him.
I am not idly waiting.

I am actively waiting....
With patience, and a full and trusting heart.

He has time to grow... and I’m using that time to grow myself as well.