BPD... maybe I do have it?

 Remember how I said I don't think I had BPD because I lack te oscillation between extremes of “idealization” and “devaluation" / extremes between "love" and "hate"?

I don't have it with people. 

But I'm realizing I have it with situations.

 I ricochet to the extremes when it comes to my social life and my job. One day I love my job, the next i'm on indeed looking for something else because I want to fucking quit. Some of that is burn out, but usually theres a situation that occurs that makes me think "i'm so fucking over this, if I don't leave I'm going to fucking lose it." Mind you, my sense of self preservation/need for survival makes me keep my mouth shut. (I've always been this way. Especially around the 4-6 month mark.)

Or I'll be chatting with someone and its fine and then they are trying to make plans. If its planned for a different day its fine, and then as soon as that day arrives I'm so fucking irritated that I have these plans that I don't want to do unless its with certain people (My mom, my sister, Rachael, sometimes Fen). I'm irate that I have to go out and be social... once i'm there i'm generally fine, but the strength of my dread is extreme. Being asked out on a date can feel like a threat, while a moment ago before they asked everything was fine. Or if its last minute plans I have a 50/50 nuetral reaction or again.. irate/revulsion. Its not aginast the person, its to the thought going out and meeting them/leaving home.

Now I do settle down and it passes. 

Some of it is annoyance, some of it is dread, some of it is.. something I can't put a name on so I'll say anxiety. 

But I have noticed it. Its never towards people. Its always situations. 

Does that count?

Sending to my therapist to see what she says. Will update.