Falling Snow

 So last night the only thing I remember vividly dreaming about was falling snow. 

A thick blanket of it coated the world around me and I remember being amazed at just how big and fluffy the flakes that were coming down were. They were huge! (in comparison)

generaly if something sticks out and remains in my mind like that from a dream I look into the meaning of it. 

"To dream that you are watching the snow fall represents a clean start and a fresh, new perspective. It is indicative of spiritual peace and tranquility."

Clean and fresh start...

I am feeling more stable. I like this new therapist and think that the new perspective will be finally adressing all the trauma that I hold inside. I've never truly processed it. I don't know how. But I feel like she will do a good job of helping me. 

I'm moving in a couple of months; to a place that already feels more home-y than my current apartment. My current place has always felt temporary and I had to constantly convince myself that i needed to stay. Even before my thuff is there I already feel better about the new apartment. It has carpet which - sigh - will be a lot harder to keep clean, especially with how much snow tends to projective vomit every few months. 

But honestly its a better fit... its smaller but I actually consider that a plus. Smaller means easier to keep clean. Its better insulated than my current place which means better temperature control. The carpet will actually help keep him warmth and humidity which will make me feel more comfortable, plus my feet won't be so cold. I LOVE the fact that it has pantry, which I think will help me keep trach of my groceries better because its not behind closed doors, its a walk in one. Bathtub which means bathing snow (thanks the GODS she needs it) and I can do ritual baths & self care baths again <3 <3

Not to mention it has a pool, gym, and tennis courts and a friendly staff member I want to be friends with. 

I'm starting school in a couple of months; I registered for classes. I am waiting to find out about financial aid, but that probably won't happen until May at the earliest. Which to me is cutting it close and makes me anxious, but c'est la vie. I found out that you don't have to report your student loans on your taxes because you have to pay it back - you only have to report the grants and scholarships. which ...bruh.... if I had known that I would have saved money in taxes in the past. But whatever. I plan to take an extra $15K in student loans to pay off my credit and personal loan, that will give me some breathing room for my month to month expenses. 

Plus I'll be back in school and school makes me happy. I will have classes on subjects that I am passionate about and find interesting. I will be reminded every day that I am working towards a future that can be fulfilling.