gah.

i wanna find a pretty girl, cuddle, watch hannibal, and make out. gah.

Fall break

So... i expected this fall break to be boring....

Saturday:

• went to work
• failed a test
• joined a band....

yup. JOINED.A.BAND. WHAAAATTTTTT

I went with Joey to meet the guys hje plays with and hjoey convinced me to sing with him... and afterward these are three things i KNOW were said:

-She's got a voice on her!

-She's got a great voice

-She's in!

so um...yeah. i'm a back up singer. 

WHAAAT!!!!!

i can't even believe it. did this night happen? is it real!!?

they even lied when i sang a celtic folk song before i left!!

And tomorrow: i get to see THE PHANTOM OF THE OPERA!!!! HELL YEAH!!! I AM SO EXCITED THERE AREN'T ENOUGH WORDS.

legal

Gay marriage is now legal. in North Carolina.

• http://www.newsobserver.com/2014/10/06/4212101_supreme-courts-action-gives-hope.html?rh=1
• http://www.charlotteobserver.com/2014/10/10/5232525/nc-gop-leaders-given-until-noon.html#.VDhqffldWSp
• http://abcnews.go.com/US/wireStory/judge-strikes-nc-gay-marriage-ban-26114243
• http://myfox8.com/2014/10/10/historic-day-gay-marriage-is-legal-in-north-carolina/
• http://www.newsobserver.com/2014/10/10/4222691_the-wait-for-gay-marriage-in-north.html?&rh=1
• http://www.wcnc.com/story/news/politics/2014/10/09/gop-leaders-signal-move-to-block-gay-marriages/16980779/

praise the gods!!

i dreamed a dream......again xD

so last night i dreamed about polar bears..... i was in the artic, but the snow wasn't cold. I was being taken care of by this polar bear and thats all i can remember. falling down a snowy hill (not not being afraid) and being cared for and kept warm by this polar bear with soft fur.



bear - To see a bear in your dream represents independence, strength, death and renewal, and/or resurrection. Bears are symbolic of the cycle of life. You may also be undergoing a period of introspection and thinking. In particular, if you see a bear in your grandmother's house, then it implies that your grandmother is a dominating figure in your life.

The dream may also be a pun on "bare". Perhaps you need to bare your soul and let everything out into the open. Or there is a situation where you just need to "grin and bear it".

To dream that you are being pursued or attacked by a bear denotes anger and your uncontrolled aggression. You are feeling trapped. Perhaps you are in an threatening situation, some overwhelming obstacle or domineering and possessive relationship.
To see a polar bear in your dream signifies a reawakening.

falling - To dream that you fall and are not frightened signifies that you will overcome your adversities with ease.

artic - To dream that you are in the Arctic symbolizes your emotional state. You may be feeling cold and rigid. Alternatively, it suggests that you are feeling isolated and lonely.


okay so.... i'm feeling isolated but i will overcome it with ease from a new reawakening?

please let it happen soon. lord know i'm feeling isolated and lonely.

another dream interpretation

so my dream last night....


started out in like...a walking dead scenario. running from zombies... which turned into vampires....
and then monsters... like...both scary and funny kind of monsters... and then it kinda tuned into a war... zombies vs vampires vs humans vs monsters.... but during the fighting... allies and friends meged.

like a girl i know fromt he gay office was a vampire in the dream and she found a big white monster hiding. before she killed him she found out he had never had french fries.... and then they bonded over their love of food and she didn't kill him. like,,, stuff like that was happening. then it was more like vams and humans and monsters vs zombies and others creatures...


so key things:

zombies - To dream that you are attacked by zombies indicate that you are feeling overwhelmed by forces beyond your control. You are under tremendous stress in your waking life. Alternatively, the dream represents your fears of being helpless and overpowered.

vampires - It may depict someone in your waking life whose charm may ultimately prove harmful. Deep down inside, you know that this person is bad for you, yet you are still drawn to her or him. Vampires also sometimes relate to decisions about sex and losing your virginity. Alternatively, to see a vampire suggests that you are feeling physically or emotionally drained. 

monsters - To dream that you are chased or followed by a monster represents aspects of yourself that you find repulsive and ugly. You may possess some fears or some repressed emotions. 

if the vampir became an ally with the monster...

what does that mean?

insecure-blog-post-rant-thing.

so.... I recently put up a picture on facebook and its me with my friend kenzie. She is drop dead gorgeous and i'm just with her looking like a Jivaro shrunken head. Racheal saw it and i feel like its misleading.

look at that. There you have this beautiful, artsy, classy girl and then me. ._.

from this picture it seems like i'm loving it here at ECU and that i hang out with the artsy crowd - kinda like i did in high school.

I'm not loving it here at ECU. i've met some cool people.....but its only been through the LGBT office. i want to be part of other stuff but because of wok i can't. I want to hang out with artsy people. I want to do drama. but what do i do all day? go to class and go to the gay space. People at ECU are so unapproachable its ridiculous. and it is so hard to find someone with common interests outside of the office. 

I thought ECU would be great because of all the stuff they put on like pirate fest and different cultural celebrations.... they havn't done anything like that yet.at least to my knowledge. Maybe if i lived on campus then i would be having a better time... but i don't and i'm not. 

I still want to go to agnes scott. 

i think.

i don't know anymore. 

they say that college is the best 4 years of your life. thats its fun. its a time to explore who you are.

i don't party. i can't go to clubs. all i do is hang out in the LGBT office.

no great "fun" or exploration there. 

I feel isolated. alone. there really isn't anyone i can fully relate to here. It makes me sad. 

but you know...maybe in second semester things will get better. yeah right.

yeserterdayyyy

so yesterday:


stayed the night with Joey. went to his church.... not too bad. His college sunday school teacher seemed pretty cool. when i told him i was polytheistic he was surprised but didn't instantly start damning me to hell. We had a cool discussion, not once did i feel defensive and he seemed pretty cool.

THEN

joey came to my house, i did chores, and we went and saw Annabelle. I invited Anna (a new girl... she seems really cool. smokes weed a lot... but is respectful about it) and then after dinner i went over to Anna's and we watched Silence of the Lambs and her friend play video game.

it was kinda cool,

i would like to hang out with her some more :)