Reflection - Embodied Practices

 Consider what are your own spiritual rituals and embodied practices. What are the rituals that you believe, or know, that your people at one time used to practice? Why did they give those rituals up? What would it mean for you to re-engage those rituals? 

I engage in ritual in small ways, although I have found that I actually really enjoy crafting rituals that are more ceremonial. Singing, drumming, sigil work, and poetry are probably my biggest form of embodied practice that I use in my rituals. If embodiment is the use of the whole body or the body from the neck down I would say all of these would count. 

Singing comes from the heart and throat, I would even go to say that poetry does too. Drumming is a whole body experience - especially when you hit a flow state. Sigil work comes from within your spirit, it moves through from thee heart/center, through the hands. Even a blind man can do sigil work - the head is not needed, in fact I would say that too much of the mind gets into he way and doesn't allow for a productive sigil. 

Singing, especially to nature, and drumming are practices - often used in ritual - that I feel were used by all lines of my heritage or the people I come from. They are used by all indigenous and ancient people in various forms; music is powerful magic. My "people" still use them. I sing to bodies of water, I sing to trees, I sing to nature  and spirits as offerings. I know this is not an uncommon practice amongst many spiritual people. 

Sigils are sacred symbols that come from Spirit, God, angels, spirits, Awen, Imbas, or whatever form of divine source you believe creativity comes from. I know my paternal family used them, although I do not know their methods on how they made them. I do know Christianity and social pressure for engaging in witchcraft is why this practice was done in secret, and that they were targeted by the local community for being witches. They now avoid that word - and call it "earth work" instead. 

Poetry is probably the one that may seem like the biggest stretch to most people as an embodied practice. I know its a spiritual practice my grandmother uses, she like me, has a gift of hearing spirits through writing poetry. For her it is limited to during thunderstorms, for me I can do it if I just get myself into a meditative state of sacred awareness. It is probably one of my biggest spiritual gifts that I do not utilize nearly as often as I should. 

Engaging in these rituals connects me to Spirit, to divine source, within myself and around me. It opens up my  "ears" to the unseen and allows me to channel messages and power from the divine. I don't engage in these practices as much as I wish I did and use to do. I know doing so would actually bring me great joy and fulfillment, and the sense of connection I feel to the divine is palpable. Whether that is Spirit, the gods, spirits, or ancestors - I think it varies, but the connection is there none the less. 

Spring equinox tarot

 What seeds need to be planted and nourished spiritually? 

X pents reversed: there has been spiritual knowledge that has beeen lost to me. Now is the time to work on finding it. = get back into learning witchcraft in general. This includes folk magic and herbal. Incorporate this into your existing practice (glamour). 

How can I nurture this/fertilizer:

X of swords: I will be learning more about baneful magic and it will trigger an internal shift in how I identify spiritually. This is more of a knowledge is power. I must be open to learning all forms of magic. Think back to the journey I had where I was some kind of fae creature that was known to be scary but also brought blessings - playing with the children, greeting the young women, the fearful and resentful respect from the men of the village… THAT kind of energy is what I am moving towards. 

Anything I need to prune/release?

No. 

What seeds need to be planted this spring in the physical world?

- strength: plant the seeds for the future you want, firmness of purpose! 

- 6 swords reversed: connoted challenges - I will continue to get sick. 

- X cups and X wands reversed: pursuing a life that makes us happy, but we need to be prepared for unexpected challenges though. 

- 3 of wands: partnership <3

What is needed to nourish/fertilize? 

- 4 of wands:celebration! Make sure to celebrate along the way! 

Smokey

 Its been three weeks since smokey passed. 

I am finally getting through the day without having a crying episode. I was able to get through the day without allowing or going numb and freezing. 

I have been struggling so hard since he passed I was getting behind in school and work and just overwhelmed. 

I am finally starting to come out of it, I don't miss him any less but it is both a curse and a blessing that my ADHD makes me focus on the present moment and makes anything out of sight fade from me emotionally. 

I am still overwhelmed and have  hard time focusing, but the brain fog of grief is starting to clear little by little. 

Electo Divina - The Return

 "We looked at each other and I could see the fear in her eyes, she could see the rage in mine."

This line in chapter 6 "the return" marks the moment that the author's grandmother got her power back after years of abuse and trauma. It really resonates with me. One of the things that made my voice within go quiet throughout my life was fear. Growing up in an abusive household made me afraid to speak my truth, it made me small, quiet, anxious. As I grew older I began to connect with the divine via spirit guides and different gods, and through them found that voice again, and found strength. 

Likewise, each time it was dimmed I was living in fear. Toxic relationship after toxic relationship, wounding friendships, where I conformed so I would not be left alone and afraid. I cut myself apart to fit the shape of what people around me wanted, out of fear of isolation because I was afraid of the world. 

Different gods helped make sure that I never fully lost that voice within me, but there was a wall of fear that would not evaporate and finally, one of the most benevolent goddesses in my pantheon directed me to another goddess that I had felt called to quietly at random points in my life: Lilith. 

Lilith helped me tap into what was under my fear - rage. All my life I had been told to hide my anger, I had to be sweet to be liked, and be the innocent girl so that people would be more inclined to help me when in trouble... but it also bound me and made me easy prey. And I was angry. So angry. 

I was angry at the abuse. I was angry at the expectations thrust upon me. I was angry at the world. I was angry at myself. I was both the woman with fear and the woman with rage. The fearful woman who kept my voice quiet and traumatized needed to die and the strong woman with the sacred rge inside her had a voice that would sing. and scream. and curse and cuss and stand up for herself and fight for justice. 

---

part 2 - recovering people pleaser

Working with Lilith saved my life. By tapping into that sacred rage, I tapped into a strength inside myself that only existed within the shattered pieces of consciousness. Once I allowed that rage to exist, I welcomed her out of the shadow and into the light, I was able to break that fear apart and let it burn within the fire of my heart. After about a year of being a living volcano of fire - fires of inspiration, passion, and rage - I began to level out and truly heal. 

But there was still some fear; it now just existed no louder than anything else. My cptsd treatment was finally starting to work and I was cleared from therapy. I was burlesque dancing and standing in the light of who I was - despite the fear. I am still anxious - and lately I have been growing more quiet, more dim, and I think about how Lilith would encourage me to shine and fight for what I want in life. 

I am the one silencing myself this time, I am letting the fear back in... because my rage has gone quiet. I have fallen in love and my nervous system is no longer in fight or flight - that rage is now just strength. I am embers, not dancing flame and as long as I do not allow myself to evaporate into smoke I know that the cycles of life will let me burst forth again.  What keeps me bound now is living in a system that does now feed my soul, forcing myself to maintain a lifestyle because I do not yet have the resources to creak the chains that bind me. 

But soon. Soon I will have the freedom that I crave. That rage is quiet but it has not disappeared. Instead that warrior inside me, the one who would strike the flesh from another if it meant freeing myself to live in my purpose, waits. Like in the Quran where it says not to engage in violence unless it is in the defense of self and one's spirituality, I still possess that rage and violence within me. I just know now, that it can only be tapped in the most dire of circumstances. But I have proven I am capable in the past, I am capable in the present, and should anyone try to bind me again I will be capable in the future. 

My pain and trauma opened the door for sacred rage to reforge who I am. I can now be soft - not weak - and I can be warm and friendly, without being a doormat. I am not non-violent, but I am only violent when necessary. I am a protector of me and mine, I will protect my freedom and the freedom of the people I love. To do that I must let myself be dimmer for a time until I can burst forth with power and bask in the light of my authenticity.  I am not quiet because of fear, I am quiet because I lie in wait. 

Reflection from Class tonight

Prompt 1) How does the concept of (re)membering and understanding of self resonate with what you have learned about spiritual direction? Where do you see differences? 

Spiritual direction is about helping other people connect with the divine and see how the divine moves in their lives. This is different for all people - for me I believe the heart of it is sacred authenticity. For some people this type of ancestor work is healing, it helps them access their sacred authenticity because it restores power and energy and life into them. If this is something that they are seeking it is a very important aspect and powerful tool for spiritual direction. 

Prompt Two: How does the idea that Black/African descended people, particularly Black women, have a set of knowledges and ways of being that are instructional for all humanity sit with you?

Absolutely. I believe that black women are powerfully intune with the divine. They possess enherent gifts given to them by their ancestors and through their hard work of reclaiming their power they set a striving example to everyone else. There is a reason where I come from everyone talks about how if a man were to call them honey or sugar, they would be up in arms, but the moment its from a black woman it bring elation. There is something powerful and sacred about the love and power found in black women that if others are willing, they can learn a lot from. 

 

Electo Divina - (re)membering

 (Re)membering. --> "we have had to continuously construct ourselves anew"

This word is such a challenge for me. Its about remembering the culture and ways and knowledge of our ancestors, even if we are disconnected from their ways now as a way or (re)claiming and (re)shaping ourselves. 

It pisses me off. There is such a pressure and expectation for us who have been taken away from the ways of our ancestors to reclaim and remember. I feel the loss of the culture but I do not feel a call to return to it. I do not feel the inclination to remember. I spoke with my ancestors and while they love me and what was passed on to me stays with me, they confirmed I am not meant to reclaim and remember what is lost. 

the past is the past and I can only move forward. My past is broken. It is not forgotten, it is broken, it is blocked from me.  

So what do I feel with this? frustration. anger. defensiveness. There is such an expectation that I should WANT to remember the ancient secrets of my past heritage that I feel I am defective or I may be seen as defective for not having this want. Everyone sees this as healing work and I feel almost rejected by my ancestors - but I am not. They accept me as I am and they have no expectation of me to search the past - instead it is they who help me explore the future. 

outline for ancestor paper

 Abstract: This autobiographical essay serves as a means to explore and reflect on identity, spiritual legacy, and cultural heritage centered around self examination and an interview with my mother and sister. Influenced by Cynthia Dillard’s framework of “(re)membering” I examine how spiritual knowledge has been passed down in my family through acts of ritual and spiritual philosophy. Although I experience discomfort when approaching ancestor work, upon reflection for this essay I began to recognize examples of spiritual legacy that have been passed down from my Grandmother, a practicing Native American Medicine woman, through my mother, unto my sisters and I. Through embodiment practices that I have cultivated, such as drumming and prayer, I have come to understand ancestor work not as reclaiming the past but as building a relationship in the present. By examining this topic through the lens of (re)search, (re)cognizing, and (re)claiming, this essay shows how spiritual legacy survives through lived practices, embodiment, and direct contact with one’s ancestors. 

Key Words: (re)membering, (re)claiming, animism, embodiment, ancestor communication, reciprocity, spiritual inheritance, shadowwork, genealogy, 

Outline:

Introduction: Discomfort and why (issues with identity), what the our lineage is, who I chose to interview and why, realizing that spiritual legacy is not always about reclaiming one’s culture and identity but rather lived practices.  Dividing the paper into 2 parts; the Native american and the irish. 

Part 1: Native American: explain our connection to the Abnaki tribe and why this information was stolen from us. Explain how my Grandmother, as an adult, found teachers and reintroduced herself into the culture. She taught my mom. My mom taught us, although my sister remembers it differently - saying she recalls it coming directly from my grandmother. Mom was raised Catholic and through my grandmother later in life? On her own? We were raised with the fundamentals of Indigenous faith and then taken from it when we moved to NC and raised in the baptist church. This influenced both my sister and I in different ways. Enter Sister interview - which mixes secular, native, and some christian perspectives as she does not identify as christian but acknowledges the influence of it. Add in anything from my mom’s interview as well. 

Part 2: Irish: explain our irish roots and how my mom believes this is where our spiritual gifts come from - “our gifts come from our fathers people but my mothers people taught us how to use them”. This is the lineage I felt more at home in, although I know almost nothing about modern irish culture. Explain the Geneology my mom has been doing and her connection to the Irish part of our line. Explain how this ultimatley reinforced my pagan path. While Irish deities were not my first guides, they are where I found the most familiarity. Talk about my faerie faith - distinctly Irish and Scottish.

Part 3: My reflection: This is where I will reflect on how I view ancestor work - through building relationship, not reclaiming culture that I feel I have no right to claim. I am too white and siconnected to try to reclaim my native lineage - although I claim the bloodline. I am too american to seek community and identity with Irish heritage. I am a mut and feel I have no home. My ancestors are vague but supportive, and like my sister I can only go off faith. For the longest time I doubted our Native herritage completely until I had a spiritual experience in which my ancestors protected me - after that I had no doubt... but even my ancestors confirmed the Native Culture was not for me in this life. I needed to persue my Irish roots more... but I feel like I don't know where to start and ultimatley there is a lot of searching the past. I agree with my sister the past has too many holes, I want to build a future instead. I do this through lived practices. This is where I talk about my artifacts and embodiment - The drum (both ancestors) and earrings (Native), cleansing ceremonies (native), prayer (both), faerie faith (irish), and bardic witchcraft (Irish perspective). conclusion: I do not like going too deep into ancestor work because most of the time there is a focus about reclaiming the past. I do not feel the need to do that, as a large portion revolves around reclaiming identity. My mom and my sister have a strong identity rooted in our lineage - I do not. But, like my sister I am rebuilding with using myself as ground zero, and like my sister my beliefs will probably die with me (from her interview). In the meantime I will do ancestor work through remembering specific practices and incorporating them, as a means of maintaining my living connection with my ancestors. I will forever feel this hole inside me, but it is as much a part of me as my actual bloodlines.

Sacred Thread - Facilitator Bio

Title: Mystic and Sacred Authenticity Facilitator

Pixie Sawyer is a mystic whose vocation centers on helping others reconnect with their personal power, embodied presence, and fostering the connection between the sacredness within one's soul with the sacred web of world around them. While her personal practice is rooted in animism and polytheism, she relates to the Sacred as the ground beneath all existence, something experienced through relationship, nature, creativity, and the movements of the heart.

Her work centers on sacred authenticity, with a special focus on glamour magic as an intentional expression of one’s inner essence. Pixie approaches this practice through embodiment and energy work, allowing for one to embrace their reality with lived confidence and joy. She emphasizes embodiment, self-understanding, personal sovereignty, and creative expression rather than expertise or authority. This work is collaborative, honoring each person’s pace, inviting exploration without pressure and growth without expectation. 

Her offerings include guided meditations and ecstatic journeys, co-creation workshops to explore the divine self, and creating warm, grounded spaces for reflection and connection. Lisa is currently training in spiritual companionship and will soon offer one-on-one presence-based support for individuals moving through transition, seeking deeper spiritual meaning, or longing for a more authentic relationship with themselves and the world.

Drawing from academic study in religion and folklore along with many years of lived spiritual practice, Pixie aims to help others notice the sacred threads already present in their hearts, weave those threads into a tapestry that reveals their inner beauty, strength, and love for life. 

mock up ideas for smokey tattoo

 i'm torn between realism and fine line abstract. These are just mock ups i would show the tattoos artist for her to do in her own style. 

I think I might actually go for optoin 3 

I am wondering if she would be willing to look into an option combining option 3 and option 2 in her own style vs just option 3. 

A Letter from Smokey.

 

Smokey — A Poetic Tribute

Mom,

I walked with you through so much life,
and I always knew where home was—
in your arms,
against your heartbeat,
in the quiet space between your breaths.

I felt your love in every moment:
in the nights you held me,
in the way you watched over my aging body,
in the gentleness you showed
even when your heart was breaking.

I wasn’t afraid.
Not once.
I trusted you to the very end.

You honored my dignity.
You kept my world soft.
You gave me peace
when I could no longer keep it for myself.

And now I stay with you
in the warmth you remember,
in the echo of my purr in your chest,
in every place we ever rested together.

Love doesn’t disappear,
Mom.
It just changes shape.

I’m still yours.
Always.

— Smokey

Life update.

 Charlie and I move into our new apartment in 33 days. 

We have 3 kittens - Maui, Banshee, and Valkyrie.

As of Friday February 27th 2026…. Smokey is gone. 

His kidney failure has progressed to where he was throwing up constantly and was in pain. So I had to make the very hard decision to say goodbye. He went to sleep on a good day. 

I am struggling. 

Snow is sad and needing extra love. She wears her heart on her sleeves. I think this is her first death and I know she misses him. 

Humu is grieving more subtly. He sleeps on the bed regularly now. He is a lot more open to affection. 

The kittens probably aren’t even aware. I think Banshee is. I think she was sent to me to help me process Smokey’s loss. 

I want to love them all. But I bounce between disassociatingly numb and overwhelming grief. I’m going through the motions but I don’t know how much I can give them all.