Spiritual direction for myself

For context:  I personally believe that Spirit makes up everything - our souls, the gods, the spirits of everything. We can tap into Spirit to do magic, develop our spiritual gifts, and do amazing things- we are of Spirit and so we are divine. When we struggle to connect to this inner divinity we can petition the gods or spirits for help - they lack the limitations we do. They act as teachers and intermediaries who guide us through the process of finding that connection to self divinity and our purpose in life. Naturally they can also help nudge and guide us through life and keep us on course. Same with ancestors. Spirits. all can be guides, all can be friends, and all can aid us in our work because the only real difference is that we have physical form. 

I began to go to shamanic retreats as a way to seek spiritual direction without realizing thats what I was doing. It has turned into a dedicated space to let myself connect - when the connection actually clicks. It doesn't always. I was hoping that I could learn to journey and it would bring me closer to my gods and my guides; that I would feel closet to them, see them, hear them, feel them more. It seems to have done the opposite. Despite this, they have become an essential part of my life providing a designated time for myself - almost as if I need permission - to connect spiritually, they provide me with a sort of community, and I really have had life changing realizations because of them. After completing a foundations course this past month, I will actually be starting to learn how to assist with specific shamanic practices next year (such as soul retrieval, which is the first one I'll be learning in the spring). 

Why I think i need some spiritual direction... my thoughts are so discombobulated that i sort of did a stream of consciousness writing to help just get it out. I have ironically felt so disconnected from my own self as a spiritual person, despite being able to help others spiritually, that I don't really know where to begin. There are multiple things going on that just seem to braid themselves together in a sea of racing thoughts. I am so sorry. 

•  I feel strong desire TO DO SOMETHING (i don't know what) - but my cards said i don't need to deep dive and try to figure out what. it will come
• craving change, a shift,... job and housing. Why this would be good vs why this would be terrible. - struggling with change but craving it. knowing cycles need to end but being scared of what comes next. 
• energetic build up and not knowing what it is or where its going
• struggling to live in the present - i am craving to be shot into the future. But the frustration of where i am and how far away or impossible it feels. 
• i know my gods, spirits, ancestors are there. I am starting to get their messages in physical signs  yet i FEEL disconnected. like everything is quiet. Is it waiting or solitude? 
• I am changing spiritually and i don't quite understand it. There is resistance and fear to it but also an eagerness.
• I think I am having internal friction between the ecstatic/shamanistic practice i am learning and the clash with what i use to do as my practice. My pantheistic brain and polytheistic brain are fighting and causing some internal tension that seems to make me dumb, blind, and deaf to the gods and spirits around me. I am getting more nudges and signs, seeing more direct messages than I am through intuition and working with the gods. Im not sure how i can accurately describe it... its like the low buz of electricity that comes from the refrigerator ; you hear it so often that you stop "hearing" it but the moment it stops you notice. The fridge is still there but the buzz is gone. I feel like there was a low buzz i was spiritually hearing that has gone quiet. 
• I feel almost like a kid learning to ride a bike -  suddenly alarmed that i don't feel my parent's guiding hand on my back. I feel almost as if the gods have left me. Like the child, I know the training wheels are still there (my ancestors, the spirits i work with, my shamanic community that is growing) but i feel alone and unsure. Its like the more i try to open myself up to connecting to Spirit directly, the more disconnected or disassociated i feel. 
• But i KNOW my gods have not left me. Cernnunos has sent me signs to do a reading three times over the last few months. 
• I am both SO READY for change that I can physically feel coming but i also feel so unprepared and I'm not ready. Its manifesting in every facet of my life. its like i KNOW I can do things (channel through poetry/writing/song - sort of as a form of clairaudience i think) but i don't believe it. I can't feel who to channel from, who is there for me to hear. Its like a bow and arrow - i feel the tension of pulling back the string - or the desire to - but i don't know where to aim and 
• I constantly see those around me in my spiritual community and they are so advanced i get defeated. Scared that i will never live up to the expectations and desires I have for myself. I can't do the most basic of things (i struggle with energy work, I don't have "the sight", I can't sense the individual presence of the unseen the way i use to be able to).
• I struggle to find the time and space to devote myself to spiritual practice. Outside of someone seeking direction themselves and my shamanism retreats - I do not sit with Spirit regularly. I sometimes remember to do my affirmations (and i see results when i am able to actually be consistent with them) and i say my nightly prayer... but the prayer feels like i am going through the motions. There is no connection. I've lost connection to the spirits (Gods, spirit guides, nature spirits around me). I have felt this before  - during solar eclipses. Its like i am permanently stuck in the energy of an eclipse. Like the veil between worlds is getting stronger and thicker, even though i feel my own energy is getting stronger. 
• I miss my gods. I miss praying and feeling them hear me. I miss feeling the presence of the spirits I work with. I miss feeling like the prairie and the creek i visit actually greeted me when i approached. I've stopped singing to them - although I do still acknowledge them when i walk by with a verbal greeting or a kiss. 
• I feel as if I am the one invisible, unable to reach out. But i also feel my own capabilities when i focus my energy via witchcraft. My sigils hold power. My affirmations and glamour magic hold power when i am consistent. The charm i am planning on making is going to be hella powerful, I already feel the energy for it building. The few times i feel inspiration for poetry - there is power in the words. But i no longer daydream (which was a primary way the spirits would reach out to me). I feel alone. 
• I cannot seem to make myself engage in the acts that can connect me. I found out I can channel through drumming. I have always known I can channel through poetry. My clairaudience comes in when I write and mark the page. I can't control when I journey/connect with Spirit and receive messages - I am almost pulled into it.
• I am hoping that a rite of passage will help me release a lot of these doubts, strengthen my confidence in myself. That if I keep peddling the bike, unsure as I am, I'll round the corner and find them all waiting to join me again. 
• Why am I so good at providing care for others, but not myself? Why can't I follow my own damn advice. What is holding me back?

Forgive the chaos of the thoughts. They have been compounded for a while and for the first time in a long time I was still and open enough to let them emerge. 

coming of age/Birthday dinner outfit

 Power animal representation:

https://www.amazon.com/SX-classic-leather-personalized-Motorcycle/dp/B0B9GVLTWR/ref=sr_1_6?crid=1EKU11L1I45QV&dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.yuZyS_Asbw6IAvMt4bYyUwJgOLCbrdcF3ijqY7CxOG1lqWltrAz3BA-WxK__qSeQAvcbBGJeKJP9NBs3n7ytt_Es9Z3CEIOoqja9PpbCzJrdK5iJDhWMAelv-6w3CC0k8bd2hv_HjQGa86TxfA6q8mMQxAswkpD7jlDDvPeuUowkPG-afqF3mLAmPvq_vhksGw0o5kKcluJhjTYnaCFzwItjiXR2qKBYSgHkf0yWHlhQZHQ2I1vvLYbpZyvy3fez7HgsvuxFIgTt0UShkD98vR_06hWNnpdIJVlZLsDT39s.oAQpQn1jTdHWkLbqmE3I5t2Rww-qGvITLVz_dFQM1A8&dib_tag=se&keywords=snake%2Bskin%2Bdress%2Bcoat&qid=1761266228&sprefix=snake%2Bskin%2Bdress%2Bcoa%2Caps%2C161&sr=8-6&th=1&psc=1

and either:

https://www.amazon.com/ZTMZA-Elegant-Sleeveless-Wedding-Cocktail/dp/B0F9XYMC99/ref=sr_1_18?crid=3BA5BO8QT15UB&dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.ahxZkMiu-zOuLDm-3hYNbyv5tHMMOeK6gCwVeVpS2dJkj0ZAl7NlWshrlKLVar1gSKgfXzWjZy88HrO59IOs2u5nqH5ZIzx2wNcnscyUkPIRmXjYlE1xXHgT0P5QbhYy1vxhdxfgqy7h_K5oHXfQhZ2JkpQvd-Ibwa-R0cw4Mf48VREGOMWtzG9voe1eqBGFl5CBCcAXnx6DqNXy8shyXjUOV_e_rNWo2vB5K-JgfAPgTJAodqTe73SrnHSl93okTmf1aI8yiZmzpI8sQP_n6ZUv0q004YFSSSKOvBy0yoE.JTWVS_irPQlGwRjoQT9OBsBMg2A8zxuN_nNVliyEWZk&dib_tag=se&keywords=green%2Bdress%2Bsleeveless%2Bfancy&qid=1761266135&sprefix=green%2Bdress%2Bsleeveless%2Bfancy%2Caps%2C157&sr=8-18&th=1&psc=1

or

https://www.amazon.com/Caracilia-Shoulder-Sleeveless-Wedding-Cocktail/dp/B0F99VMPQK/ref=sr_1_49?crid=3BA5BO8QT15UB&dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.ahxZkMiu-zOuLDm-3hYNbyv5tHMMOeK6gCwVeVpS2dJkj0ZAl7NlWshrlKLVar1gSKgfXzWjZy88HrO59IOs2u5nqH5ZIzx2wNcnscyUkPIRmXjYlE1xXHgT0P5QbhYy1vxhdxfgqy7h_K5oHXfQhZ2JkpQvd-Ibwa-R0cw4Mf48VREGOMWtzG9voe1eqBGFl5CBCcAXnx6DqNXy8shyXjUOV_e_rNWo2vB5K-JgfAPgTJAodqTe73SrnHSl93okTmf1aI8yiZmzpI8sQP_n6ZUv0q004YFSSSKOvBy0yoE.JTWVS_irPQlGwRjoQT9OBsBMg2A8zxuN_nNVliyEWZk&dib_tag=se&keywords=green%2Bdress%2Bsleeveless%2Bfancy&qid=1761266135&sprefix=green%2Bdress%2Bsleeveless%2Bfancy%2Caps%2C157&sr=8-49&th=1&psc=1

Green would represent new beginnings, growth, as well as touch into the power animals that has been showing up (snake). Or I could go apricot which is about optimism, warmth, and hope. 

https://www.amazon.com/Caracilia-Shoulder-Sleeveless-Wedding-Cocktail/dp/B0F99P12YJ/ref=sr_1_49?crid=3BA5BO8QT15UB&dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.ahxZkMiu-zOuLDm-3hYNbyv5tHMMOeK6gCwVeVpS2dJkj0ZAl7NlWshrlKLVar1gSKgfXzWjZy88HrO59IOs2u5nqH5ZIzx2wNcnscyUkPIRmXjYlE1xXHgT0P5QbhYy1vxhdxfgqy7h_K5oHXfQhZ2JkpQvd-Ibwa-R0cw4Mf48VREGOMWtzG9voe1eqBGFl5CBCcAXnx6DqNXy8shyXjUOV_e_rNWo2vB5K-JgfAPgTJAodqTe73SrnHSl93okTmf1aI8yiZmzpI8sQP_n6ZUv0q004YFSSSKOvBy0yoE.JTWVS_irPQlGwRjoQT9OBsBMg2A8zxuN_nNVliyEWZk&dib_tag=se&keywords=green%2Bdress%2Bsleeveless%2Bfancy&qid=1761266135&sprefix=green%2Bdress%2Bsleeveless%2Bfancy%2Caps%2C157&sr=8-49&th=1&psc=1

Ritual Mid term outline options

 Outline Possibilities:

1. Introduction: Function and meaning - the type of ritual and how I am changing it. Why I chose it. (explain how I did not consider this an initiation as the book says that would require a community and practice to be initiated into — but his lecture changed my mind. - Week 6--Ritual: Devotion, Initiation, and Magic) What path this aligns with…. My own. Given it is my own, a brief overview of my path. Disclaimers: 1) Most of the values being expressed in this ritual are my own personal associations and desires; 2) all practices used in this ritual are totally from my own making/combination of singular aspects. If this resembles the actual practice of another culture, I am unaware of this - by no means do I intend to take from another culture without providing the respect and context owed – bonse pg121.  - Polyphasic is a belief in multiple real states of mind (awake + dreams + trance + visions) - RITUAL pg 95. Function: attempting to bring forth an unconscious sense of being ready to step into the role of leader and adulthood while releasing/washing away anything that was holding me back. I am attempting to change my worldview and cosmology to be less monophasic and more polyphasic. My world view is poly but my cosmology is mono; I want to change the cosmology- RITUAL 45 

2. Outline and commentary: who are those involved? Why are they there – expressing my desire for family, community, and acceptance? Then provide a step by step for the ritual - for each step provide the ritual driver, tools, symbolism and the meaning expressed, and function/meaning of each role. - For the writing down step: Writing down your dreams can actually make lucid dreaming easier, as it gives your mind a bit of structure as you shift from an ASC back into waking life, helping you carry pieces of that dream state into your everyday memory.Fragmented memories of ASCs are especially common in societies that lack ritualized ways to carry experiences across these warps and that do not pass down a culturally shared, polyphasic world view. - RITUAL 95. This section will be what draws on BONES a lot. 

3. Analysis: Discuss framing through time, new moon & full moon vs menstrual cycle as well as various locations this could be done and why. When I actually do it, I will be in my apartment however in an ideal location this would be done outdoors or at a bath house.  What expressions and shaping does the ritual do as a whole? In the introduction I discuss briefly the function and meaning, lets go more in depth here. My world view is poly but my cosmology is mono; I want to change the cosmology- RITUAL 45

4. Conclusion: The function of the ritual leads into the conclusion. Use BONES to go more in depth on the purpose of the initiation and how coming of age is treated as a rite of passage. Look into how traditional coming of age and how mine differs. When I plan to do it myself – it coincides with Saturn's return. 

Alternative:

1. Introduction: Function and meaning - the type of ritual and Why I chose it. (explain how I did not consider this an initiation as the book says that would require a community and practice to be initiated into — but his lecture changed my mind. - Week 6--Ritual:  Devotion, Initiation, and Magic). What path this aligns with…. My own. Given it is my own, a brief overview of my path. Disclaimers: 1) Most of the values being expressed in this ritual are my own personal associations and desires; 2) all practices used in this ritual are totally from my own making/combination of singular aspects. If this resembles the actual practice of another culture, I am unaware of this - by no means do I intend to take from another culture without providing the respect and context owed – bonse pg121. The Primary participants, ideal setting, and list of tools needed. These statements explain part 1 and part 2. 

2. Part 1 - Script: Walk through the whole ritual, who does what, generally what is said. How detailed does this need to be? Waiting for the professor to respond. Whenever I get towards an aspect inspired by the BONES book, tag it via footnote. 

3. Part 2 - Commentary: Into paragraph explaining how this part will go. Commentary on Function and meaning to me personally (expression and shaping), Symbolism - what values are here, why I chose the people I did and how that is also a form of expression/shaping/ and magic, Drivers (tools, setting, framing, and the uses). Basically instead of each step being commented on - have it all in one place under each heading and subheading. 

4. Conclusion: Use BONES to go more in depth on the purpose of the initiation and how coming of age is treated as a rite of passage. Look into how traditional coming of age and how mine differs. When I plan to do it myself – it coincides with Saturn's return. 

^^^^Will be similar to how i do the final project

Analysis check list for Ritual Papers

 Ritual Function and Meaning: The function of any given ritual is important  because it is doing something for someone (The ritual leader, Those gathered) and Because it is doing something (In a general way, In a specific way, In as yet to be known ways). The meaning of any given ritual is important: Because of the common guidance and direction it offers, Because of the specific and personal guidance and direction it offers, Because of the common and unexpected awakenings and connections it can make to other knowns and unknowns in human life. 

https://docs.google.com/presentation/d/1uFfxgkl_F1pQ7KgBVBTvY0cYX-c1RkCUC4l20rHT4pE/edit?slide=id.p#slide=id.p

Symbolism: “A symbol is an object, form, idea, or action that “stands for something else”” providing a source of cultural or individual meaning. Symbols, such as the cross, can act as portals. (15) “In other words, ritual can be used to bring unconscious processes that have been repressed and automized, into consciousness. (21) [ use this for function] 

Ritual Framing: Framing refers to how the ritual is set apart from everyday life. It is used to generate a sense of formality and intensify the ritual. Examples of framing include a special room or building, a specially marked place, or holding a ritual at a special time. Framing helps to determine where the ritual space begins and ends - which helps determine appropriate behavior. Ritual participants often describe a feeling of spiritual power that surrounds and/or enters them during a ritual. “Power” here refers to normally invisible energies that may be tapped and utilized through ritual means. Framing is essential because energy generated by the ritual is much more palpable when it’s contained within a defined space. The smaller the frame, the more focused and intense the energy generated within it - frames work like lenses to focus energy and attention. Because altars and shrines are typically small in size, they are effective focal points. - Davis-Floyd and Laughlin chapter 6 AND CHAPTER 5 OF ORR

This can involve the use of time: full moon vs new moon. Also as a bottom to top form of driving could alternatively do it based on the menstrual cycle. 

Expression & Shaping: The ritual expresses the hearts and minds of those gathered and The ritual shapes the experience (which includes hearts, minds, bodies) of those gathered. Expressing: What we value (Abstracted values–key words of the tradition, Symbols of what we value, Myth and story, Credal, covenantal and oath texts, Memories., Traditions). Three ways of SHAPING: 1) Content (prayers, ritual actions, blessings, readings, the very vocabulary that we use, and the way it is written), 2) Use of Space (tools, how will the furniture be set, SETTING, how do we honor space?, 3)Representation of Voices (who are the leaders? Many or just one and why?Voices are embodied sound, and the bodies who stand before us using their voices have an effect, a shaping effect, on those of us participating). 

https://docs.google.com/presentation/d/1bfVH9nADigRfwND5_elUv_Q6VIrTHr_-dxP7LgWjCq0/edit?slide=id.p#slide=id.p

Ritual Drivers and Altered states: These cognized and labeled categories of experience, and their underlying neurocognitive structures, are what anthropologists and others call states of consciousness (SOCs). SOCs other than those that occur in waking consciousness are referred to as altered states of consciousness (ASCs). The points of experiential and neurophysiological transition between SOCs are called warps of consciousness (WOCs). Ritual drivers are recurrent elements in ritual that have strong and predictable effects on participants and that drive the penetration of the ritual’s symbolic messages. For maximum effectiveness, either within or across SOCs, a ritual will concentrate on sending one basic set of messages that will be rhythmically repeated using different procedures and various codes. [pp. 80-81] 2 types of driversr: intrinsic (inside the body) and extrinsic (outside the body) [81-85]. Ritual drivers work in 2 ways: Top-down is where symbols and rituals shape our body and mind. Bottom-up is where body states like hormones of gut feelings rise up and influence our thoughts. (96) — FRAMING can create PORTALS, A portal is any point of entry or passage. A liminal marker that signals, “You are leaving the ordinary and entering the sacred.” It is psychological and symbolic. (97)

Helpful notes: Monophasic is a belief in only one real state of mind (awake). Polyphasic is a belief in multiple real states of mind (awake + dreams + trance + visions). Writing down your dreams can actually make lucid dreaming easier, as it gives your mind a bit of structure as you shift from an ASC back into waking life, helping you carry pieces of that dream state into your everyday memory. Fragmented memories of ASCs are especially common in societies that lack ritualized ways to carry experiences across these warps and that do not pass down a culturally shared, polyphasic world view.- RITUAL 95

Mental Biases that can cloud discernment

 1. Confirmation Bias

We welcome information that supports what we already believe and resist what challenges it.

2. Complexity Bias

We prefer a simple lie over a complex truth.

3. Community Bias

It’s hard to see something our group doesn’t want us to see — we often put tribe over truth.

4. Complementarity Bias

We mirror how others treat us. When people are kind, we’re more open; when they’re harsh, we close off — regardless of truth.

5. Contact Bias

Without genuine contact with others, we can’t easily see from their point of view.

6. Conservative / Liberal Bias

We tend to see as our political or social group sees, flocking toward those who confirm our worldview.

7. Consciousness Bias

Our level of awareness or maturity determines what we can and cannot perceive.

8. Competency Bias

We assume we’re above average and fail to accurately judge our own competence.

 9. Confidence Bias

We mistake confidence for competence — believing the confident lie over the hesitant truth.

10. Conspiracy Bias

When feeling shame or fear, we gravitate toward stories that make us the hero or victim rather than the villain.

11. Comfort / Complacency / Convenience Bias

We embrace information that lets us stay comfortable and reject what requires effort or change.

 12. Catastrophe / Normalcy / Baseline Bias

We assume what feels normal will continue, making us slow to notice gradual threats or disasters.

13. Cash Bias

We tend to see reality through the lens of our livelihood — prioritizing what supports our income and ignoring what challenges it.

Awareness of these biases helps us see more clearly — and more compassionately — in a complex world.

Ecstatic journey prompts

 1) What thoughts/beliefs/habits/patterns within me am I ready to release, alchemize or transmute? (Examples- self doubt, second guessing my intuition or my gifts, etc)

This may sound surprising given I am working on glamour magic, self love, and working my way to sensuality... but I have this subconscious belief that I am not allowed to enjoy pleasure. I am not supposed to SEEK pleasure or be in control. I also can't lose myself in it. Pleasure is a key in spiritual connection (or I believe it is) - by denying myself and subconsciously believing it is shameful and I am unworthy, I am denying myself full spiritual connection. 

 I also constantly second guess my intuition, spiritual gifts, so much so that I've seemed to regress in my progress. I think the spirits I work with are getting frutstrated. 

2) What do I wish to call into my body, energy field, or my life? What do I wish to expand or deepen? (Examples- more peace, health, clarity, wealth or any form, community, connection, friendships, love, etc)

I really want to call in confidence, self love, and wealth/abundance, and magic. I long for the connection of magic to the sacred in my every day life... not just at retreats. I think its linked to the first prompt - I struggle to persue things that actually give me pleasure and joy unless specificially invited to do so (like at a retreat). I wish to bring in the ability to invite and welcome joy. 

3) What stories am I tired of carrying, telling, or believing? What stories am I ready to honor then then lay to rest, to alchemize, or to re-write so that the new stories not only bring ME fresh energy, hope and inspiration, but these new stories also bring goodness to others? (Examples- limiting beliefs about yourself based on things you've done / experienced / been through.) These can be stories that are just about you, or stories that affect you AND loved one(s)- like family and ancestral patterns.

Fear and shame around intimacy. I've had a rocky road with intimacy - emotional and physical. Emotionally neglectful childhood and romantic relationships. Sexual abuse in relationships and date rape. The story in my mind is that is wrong for me to feel pleasure, it has to be forced upon me, its shameful otherwise. I would not tell myself this, but I know its a story written into my body and mind I can't seem to shake. Emotional intimacy is dangerous, truly trusting is scary and hard. I want to rewrite the story into one of trust and openness.  

4) Where am I feeling blocked or held back from fully stepping into my highest purpose? This is a common one for those that already serve in a helping capacity, or are stepping into this work- it often shows up as "I don't want to talk about myself / promote myself / market myself / be visible / appear boastful / etc". If you're held back by fears around not looking or sounding good in your outreach efforts / marketing, or you worry about being misunderstood- this is an area very worthy of your focus♥️

I contantly feel like I am not qualified to help people. I have not fully healed myself - how can I help others heal? I have not reached where I want to be in life - how am I qualified to help others see whats holding them back and push past it?  I also feel a bit hopeless about how I am going to be able to make a career out of helping people spiritually and be able to financially support my life. Sort of a mix of imposter syndrome and financial concerns. 

5) In what areas of life are you feeling contained, undeserving, or like you shouldn't want more for yourself? Common issues here are usually surrounding money, relationships, workplace or leadership success.

Money for SURE. Connection to Spirit... there is still some feelings of unworthiness. Its so hard to foster and hold that connhection, I embrace it when it happens but it is always momentary. 

three layers of ritual story

• devotional layer  - basic experience of being drawn to it... there is just something we just have to engage. the eenrgy and experience of devotion. Vital meaning for our lives. creating devotional actsinspired by somthing in the story...
• I crave to be devotional. It is my biggest shame spiritually that i don't have the discipline to be as devotional as I want to be. It is my dream to have a temple - a threshold to cross to enter into a devotional Mindspace. 
• devotional acts help us enter into an altered state of consciousness. 
• Other than singing the song... what devotional practice could I develop from my selkie song?
• expresses and feels like it is becoming a shaper or guide
• initiatory layer --- big changes -- the opening of a personal portal. They open something within us. Some sort of transformative experience -- when I sing it, it does ground me in a sort of contemplative awareness. It almost puts me in a altrered state - but I don't know how this would apply to my story. 
• we feel drawn to embrace the sacred - and we feel the sacred is embracing us as well. 
• makes the devotional experience personal and pressing. 
• urgency that required an intentional action or commitment on my part -- use the devotional material as an initiatory and covenantal experience between self and divine. Not always communal - but covenant between self and divine. 
• This is where you assign your own meaning over it. 
• magic layer --- directly related to how I see myself working with magic in the world - the experience is awakening, the inspiration, the wisdom, and the clarity we can gain about how we work our magic in the world. 
•  i know how it shows what I want to do in the world. I want to help others embrace the magic of what and who they are. embracing their true nature and authenticity to open themselves up to the blessings of the universe. Claim their own magic. 

1 - found sacred speaking to me and turn it into a practice

2 - initiating them into me and me into them 

3- leads to practical magic through the use of it

I am trying to figure out what devotional practice and initiatory example... I know the meaning of the story and the projection of the story. 

Magic - a retelling of the story in how it reverberates in our lives... my magic involves transformation, acceptance, love, and courage 

Can you have an initiatory experience without devotional practices? 

Apartments for Alex

 okay so Boyfriend can move in as early as March and my lease with Alex ends 4/30. 

if Alex does not go back to PA to be closer to Ash.. options:

**Current bus ride 1 hour 30 min

• The Ridge Apartments - South Madison - 1 hr 15  mins bus ride
• 1 bedroom
• Rent under 1000 and deposit is only 500
• https://www.theridgemadison.com/floorplans
• CommonPlace Madison - West Madsion - 1 hr bus ride
• Studio
• Rent between 985 - 1100
• https://www.apartments.com/commonplace-madison-madison-wi/rdpfpf0/
• Arbor Arms Apartments - Edge of Madison/Fitchburg - 47 min bus ride
• studio
• Rent: 1000 and includes HEAT & water
• https://www.apartments.com/arbor-arms-apartments-madison-wi/3zvggwg/
• The Canyons - West Madison - 1 hour 10 min
• 1 bedroom
• Rent: dependent on income but 641-1300
• https://www.apartments.com/the-canyons-madison-wi/b8g35cc
• 218 S Bassett St - Down Town Madison - 45 min bus ride
• Studio
• Rent: 845
• https://www.apartments.com/218-s-bassett-st-madison-wi/6epcdss/
• Seven Oaks Apartments - South East Madison - 1 hour 30 min bus ride
• Studio
• Rent: 950-1070
• https://www.apartments.com/seven-oaks-apartments-madison-wi/mgfc20j/
• Oakridge Apartments - South East Madison - 1 hour 10 min
• Studio or 1 bed
• S 800-825 or 1 bd 950-975
• https://www.apartments.com/oakridge-apartments-madison-wi/f2kj49r/
• Maple Lawn Apartments - Fitchburg - 32 min to 1 hr bus ride
• 1 bed
• Rent 985
• https://www.apartments.com/maple-lawn-apartments-fitchburg-wi/59603sq/
• Westhaven Village Apartments - West Madison - 30 min bus ride
• Studio 
• Rent: 930-985
• https://www.apartments.com/westhaven-village-apartments-madison-wi/fr0z89t/
• 635 Howard Pl - Downtown Madison - 45 min bus ride
• Studio
• Rent: 775-850
• Leasing Office: 44 E Mifflin St, Madison, WI 53703
• https://www.apartments.com/635-howard-pl-madison-wi/lx4e5ld/
• Metropolitan Apartments - Downtown Madison - 30 min to 45 min bus ride
• Studio
• Rent:800-950
• https://www.apartments.com/metropolitan-apartments-madison-wi/kyl67qb/
• Gargano Properties - State St Downtown - 40 min bus ride
• 1 bedroom
• Rent 900-1020
• https://www.apartments.com/gargano-properties-madison-wi/m7zxp6h/
• Pheasant Ridge - South East Madison - 50 min to on hour 20 min bus ride
• 1 bed
• Rent 890-1100 
• https://www.apartments.com/pheasant-ridge-madison-wi/59xn0jn/

Thats just some general ones to check out. Not including any subleases going on at the time