incarnations

So we talked about incarnations in Anthropology of Religion yesterday and i came up woth my own theory about it.


and incarnation is a human version of a deity or spirit on earth.

such as Jesus (Christian) or Rama (Hindu).

Jesus was not aware that he was God, he simply saw himself as the son of God and as a prophet/servant. which poses the question: does a incarnation have 2 natures - a human one and a divine one? two souls? What happens to the other nature/soul while the divine is in control?

Rama was aware that he was a Deity, he simply looked and acted like a human. So can a god/spirit simply create a body as needed for as long as needed while he/she is on earth? (i think the answer to that is yes... just saying)


me theory: 2 different souls. one body. I feel that the incarnation is actually a vessel until the divine being enters it. Once the divine entity is in control the vessel becomes a incarnation, the vessel's soul simply sits in the background so to speak.

as far as reincarnated holy spirits, such as the Buddhist tolkus, then there is simply one spirit and one body, an incarnation - no vessel needed.

thats my theory at least.

and the vessel doesn't have to be human. I know that Bastet sometimes enters into my cat Bia. I think that sometimes SG enters into my familiar.

so the vessel needn't be human, but most often in order to speak i believe the vessel is human. The vessel may not realize they are a vessel, but the incarnation is aware of what they are.

sweet sleep

so yesterday i was overflowing with positive energy, i was happy and energetic, and all i wanted to do was hug and touch people and spread the good vibes i was feeling. I think its because the night before i had slept sweetly.

now to explain:

i usually sleep heavily (not as in i'm a heavy sleeper, but that the sleep feels heavy) or poorly (when i wake up more tired then i went to sleep, or if i had nightmares)

but not too long ago i slept and the sleep felt light and pleasant and warm. I was very aware of a male presence in my dreams and mind while i slept that made sure that nothing bad happened in my dreams. He made sure i felt safe and loved and protected. (i'm pretty sure that was SG) from the beginning of me starting to fall asleep to a few minutes after i woke up i felt him with me; i even recall thinking that i was cold when i woke up and then thought "he'll fix that". anytime something negative would start to happen in the dream he would make sure that i didn't feel any negative feelings or stress from the situation, or he would just change the dream.  i slept sweetly that night.

well the other night i didn't feel him with me but i think i slept sweetly because one of the major stressors in my life had been removied: my traffic ticket. I went to the DA's office tuesday and got the ticket dismissed. i didn't even have to pay court costs. so that night my psych was so relived i slept sweetly (even if i was feeling stressed as i fell asleep).

it was wonderful.

and a rare occurrence.

creepy customer #2

ok so i have a customer that decided to research faeries since i talked about my paper with him and how much i loved faeries.

well... he came back with some notes from his research. The research he did led him to see how female faeries often bewitch male humans into pretty much being willing sex slaves... and about how beautiful they were... and he pretty much said that it didn't seem like a bad fate.

he insinuated that i was a faerie, or was the descendant of one and was trying to be flirty.

now he clearly said it was meant as a joke, so thats how i took it.

but then he came back another time, we continued talking about faeries, but he made a comment that i couldn't tell if it was serious or jesting... "i look for you everytime i come in, i even by stuff i don't need just to see you"..... that comment coupled with the way he looks at me sometimes sent up red flags.

its almost like he is insinuating that i'm a faerie that has bewitched him.


i choose to think he was jesting that time too, but i can't shake the slight discomfort i feel when our conversations lead away from faerie lore.today he said that he thought i was an amazing person, i was beautiful, kind, and that he liked the way i presented myself. which was sweet, and i reallly don't think he means any harm at all...

he just comes off as creepy sometimes.

I FOUND IT

BY THE GODS I FOUNDIT

THE LOST BOOK FROM MIDDLESCHOOL


the one about the girl with the arrow mark on her hand that developes the power of pathfinding... with the demon...and the boy....and and and YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS


http://www.amazon.com/Hidden-Arrow-Maether-Aiden-Beaverson/dp/0440416930

Another nightmare

I sometimes have nightmares that are about survival... I had another one last night. 

I was left by my friends at a movie theater, they had gone inside thinking I was with them but I was outside paying. 

I didn't have enough money so I was trying to find them (thinking they are outside in the crowd) when I was taken.

Next thing I know I'm all dolled up looking into a bathroom mirror. Some older woman maybe about 50 or so, smiled at someone next to me. 

A grown man, maybe 30,  is holding a plastic knife (not the kind you find at picnics... This is a professional solid plastic knife that can do some damage. )

He comes behind me, wraps his arm around my neck in a kind of headlock and picks me up like that.

He turns, with me screaming, towards a bath and I realize his hands are wet from running the bath. I grab the knife from his hand and it slips his grasp into mine, though he tightens his hold on my throat.

I stab him. As hard and fast as I could. I even tried to aim for his genitals and carotid artery. I don't know if I hit them but I know I had one good shot that got in deep, he dropped me screaming and I fled.

Outside I was in a trailer park. I ran to the closest one across the street, screaming snd crying I banged on the door. Children opened it, they looked Hispanic, so I pushed the door open and collapsed on their floor in tears as the parents ran in.

I could only cry and scream "ayuda me, porvavor" over and over.

I woke up then because cara had called my name for something. My hand still clenched from holding the bloody knife.

a dream is a wish your heart makes....

so what wish did my heart make last night? i have no idea..

So.

Last night i dreamed that i was at a train station, it was a trains tation but it looked like an airport. and while there i suddenly began to bleed from my mouth. I went to the restroom to investigate and ended up pulling out a tooth.. More accurately is was falling out and i just grabbed it. It had a severe cavity in it. But once i did, it stopped bleeding and i just had a whole.  No more pain.

I stepped out to find a worker there with my ticket, that again looked like an airplane icket, but it was for a train. I walked outside to where the trains would arrive and saw friend from highschool that i hadn't seen in years. We sat and talked until the teain got there and when we boarded... i was with people i didn't know. surprisingly i wasn't anxious, but calm and focused.

I don't remember what happened next or where i was going but yeah.




factors:

train/trainstation - To dream that you are on a train symbolizes your life's journey. It suggests that you are on the right track in life and headed in the right direction. Alternatively, the dream means that you have a tendency to worry needlessly over a situation that will work out in the end.

airport- To see an airport in your dream symbolizes birth (arrivals) and death (departures). If the airport is busy, then it signifies the desire for freedom, high ideals, ambition, and hopes. It is an indication that you are approaching a new departure in your life. Some new idea is taking off or is ready to take off.

teeth/cavity: To dream that you have a cavity indicates feelings of fear and insecurity over a situation. You are lacking self confidence.

traveling-To dream that you are traveling represents the path toward your life goals. It also parallels your daily routine and how you are progressing along. Alternatively, traveling signifies a desire to escape from your daily burdens. You are looking for a change in scenery, where no one has any expectations of you. Perhaps it is time to make a fresh start. 


so....

I desire freedom and something new is coming my way but i almost back out of it because i lack self confidence. However i am again presented with the new start and i do actually go trough with it. And by doing so i am headed on the right path with a fresh start, even if i do worry a lot over it.

renouncing fear

so... i am a very fearful person.

I fear conflict.
i fear change because i don't know what will happen.
i fear the unknown.
I fear failure.
i fear success.
i fear i will disapoint people.
i fear that i am too clingy.
i fear that i'm annoying.
i fear i will hurt others.
I stress so much....

and it has to stop.


All this fear and worry and stress...is keeping me from living my life to the fullest.

My gums are receding, that worries me.
My being out of shape worries me.
My lack of labido worries me.
My being dehydrated all the time worries me.
Money issues worry me ALL THE TIME. i am always conscious about money...
My relationship makes me worry.
I worry i am doing poorly in school or work.
I worry i won't ever get to travel.
I worry i won't ever reach my spiritual potential.
I worry i won't ever see/hear SG.
I worry every time i get in a car.
I worry so much...

it causes the fear and anger and anxiety i always have bubbling under my happy-go-lucky shell.

it cannot continue like that.

as my guide said "It's all going to be fine."

it will.

This body is a shell. A temporary shell. All the things that happen to it... it really won't last long. One of the most infuriating things about the human body is how fast it matures and ages... life is short. If this body falls apart, i won't suffer it for long.

My relationship will not last forever. No relationship does (aside from the spiritual ones). Everything ends, why miss out on the present worrying about the end? It will end. When doesn't matter. I need to enjoy the time i have with Corie while it lasts and know that when it ends it ended at that time for a reason. And when it does, let it go.

Money will always be an issue... its a necessity unfortunately but worrying about it all the time won't make more just magically appear. i dont' know how to let go of this worry but i need to work on reducing it at least.

Traveling... if it doesn't happen then i can always read. That not only takes me to other countries but to other worlds as well.

As for worrying about my spirituality and things dealing with SG... he is patient. he loves me. he will never leave me. He doesn't get angry at me. he is love and goodness. and laughter.... the best way for me to connect with him is through those thing. if i don't see/hear him... i need to take solace in the knowledge that he really is always there when i need him or call him.

fear of both failure and success.... i may need help with this.
i fear failure because i fear disapointing others... or myself. But failure doesn't mean to give up or to dissapoint. No one is perfect... if i fail it means i have more to learn. or that i need to be more patient. It is this fear that holds me back spiritually.

fear of success... i don't know why i fear success.... but i do. I think because if i succeed it leads to the unknown.... which i need to just learn to trust in the fate i set for myself and trust my guides, "It's all going to be fine"

the car.... although i am not 100% certain when, i do still think i will die in a car accident. I don't cling to the fact as a beacon of hope anymore, i simply acknowledge it.  I don't necessarily look forward to it like i use to (because i'm finally acclimating to this life) but i do look forward to what lies after it. I look forward to my next life.

that doesn't help the anxiety i feel when i'm behind the wheel and things get too hectic. Again... i just need to accept things as they are and trust.


i think thats my thing...

i trust people easily... but i don't trust myself.
i don't trust myself to succeed, or to know what to do when i succeed.
i trust my guides but i don't trust myself to interpret their messages right.

As much as i love myself and others... i doubt myself the most.

i think that is where my fear originates. Doubt, which leads to anxiety and worry, then to actual fear.

here is the thing... how do i fix my doubt? trust? Trust must be earned...how do i earn my own trust?

but once i do... i know i can reach my full potential.

haha i sound crazy.