update faerie

so, she is an energy reader. she knew i was a faerie by how i "felt".

she said for me to look up how they talk about energy in true blood - about how some energies are light and just attract others without anyone knowing why.

she says thats how i am.

makes sense i guess, farie charm?

I FOUND ANOTHER FAERIE

"Do you know that you are a faerie?" these words echoed in my ears, freezing my body mid-step and preventing further movement. Did i really just hear those words? I look up at the tall graceful young woman in front of me, who was making her way out of the door. Quickly recovering and hustling after her i try to spit out the one thought screaming in my mind.

"h-h-HOW do you know that!!?" i say as i catch up to her, my eyes probably about the size of dinner plates. No one but my closer intercircle of friends knew that i believe that i am a faerie reincarnated as a human. there was no possible way for a stranger who i had never talked to, to know that. Her answer was one, i had never thought i would hear in my entire life.

"I am one too." She smiled big and we made promises to get each other's contact info the next time we had class. Then like that, she was gone.

another faerie.
i found another faerie.

of course i had read and knew i wasn't the only fae-kin in the world, but i have never actually met one. spoken to one.

and there had been another one sitting across the room from me.


She believed in reincarnation.
She knew about spirit circles/spirit groups.

She claimed to be a faerie.
and knew that i was one as well, without ever having met/spoken to me.


holy shit guys.
i found another faerie.
i'm not alone.

holy shit.

That dream last night...

That dream last night is still lingering in my mind.

It wasn't very symbolic and literally means what I think it does at face value. It was just a showing of my basic wishes and hopes, ending with a physical manifestation of my fears and doubts about the whole crush situation. 

The anxiety and sense of power that came at the end being set aside, the good parts still filter my thoughts. I wish that could happen... It was such a sweet feeling. 

Doesn't help me slow down the whole crush/feelings thing, but it was nice.

fitness ritual

so i think i might actually develop a fitness ritual.

I'll start with a 10-20 minute workout on cardio machines... then do a mile. Our track is small so it will take 7 laps to make the mile, i run one, walk one. Hopefully when i get my time down (it took me about 12-15 minutes today - i forgot to time myself) i will move it up to two miles.

I want to work on my cardio and endurance. Maybe if i get good, i will walk a lap, run 5, and walk the last one to cool down and that will be my new ritual. i have a long way to go to get to that point, but the point i i'm going to try.

Granted, this is my second time doing the mile, but last time i couldn't run a lap in its entirity. Today i did.

Last time i had a very painful heart palpitation. today it was less painful.

who knows.... maybe this will stop them completely.

But... I need to get in better shape.



I just need to remember to stretch before and after... i forgot to do that today.

But hey... its a start.

**** i plan to do this every tuesday/thursday.

apparently as a beginner i should be working out 20-30 minutes 3-5 times a week..... i will be doing it 30-40 minutes twice a week. oh well.

Breathe and back off

Okay so I need to breathe and back off. My crush level is too high for knowing her for so short a time. 

The last few times I've tried to invite her out she has been busy.... My paranoia is kicking in.

So, I need to breathe, calm down, and back off. I shouldn't be the one perusing her, it should be other way around - that's how it started out anyway. She was asking me to hang out.... So I'll leave the ball in her court. 

If she wants to hang out then she will ask. I need to have a day of self control - no snapping, texting, or social media stalking to/of her. 

Tomorrow I will do nothing in that regards - get myself some distance. 

I was so excited to hang out with her tonight, but her maybe turned into a no, and now I'm disappointed. 

Breathe and step back. 

Thad what I'm going to do.

Hurricane weekend

So.... I was supposed to work every day during this weekend. But in s moment of compassion and laziness I have two of my 4 shifts to a coworker so that she can make her car payment this month. 

Now I have today and Monday free.

I know what I WANT to do.

I want to hang out with her but.... 

A) I don't want to over crowd her, even though i havnt hung out with her since Monday. 

B) some asshole ran her off the road (she rides a bike to school) and she crashed into an iron gate, so she's in pain and probably doesn't want to hang out. 

Sooooo I have nothing to do but some wiring for school this hurricane weekend. (And work a short shift tomorrow) 

Sharing

In non fiction writing class I had to share my writing. Or rather.... The professor did. I ended up in tears.

Weak. I'm weak. I still struggle when looking Into the painful past. But it's so easy to put it out there... So hard to take it back in by rereading it.

I was still shaking ten minutes later. I even had to leave the roo after people for my next class came in because I started crying again.

To answer the question of what I wrote, I wrote about Highschool. The loneliness. I didn't actually go into any details, but I mentioned the bipolar. I didn't mention a lot. The pain. Fear. How breathing and living was agony.  I probably wouldn't have even been able to open my mouth if I had.

My heart is still pumping. My chest still hurts although my hands have stopped trembling.

So many memories.