Is this round 2 of being sick? I’m running a low grade fever but I feel like I’m melting it’s so fucking hot. I can’t cool off. My chest actually hurts and I have no strength. I still have my cough, ironically the congestion isn’t as bad. Dizzy when I stand up for too long
I’m so tired. I’m just so hot...
Friday, January 12, 2018
starts again
so the past few weeks have been blissful. my mental health has been amazingly stable... no mood swings up or down. fae has been pretty much silent, which is technically a good thing, although i miss her at times.
well its started again. i finallly started a depressive episode. lethargy. feeling drained. lead on my chest and limbs. irritable.
today is going on day three... woke up mad because of a bad dream. was going to be too late to cass, so i skipped. came back to jimmies an slept some more.... more bad dreams. So my mood goes from mad to just plain shitty. not to mention i feel feverish and weak again, almost like my sickness is returning. (oh i forgot to blog that i got sick last week. nothing serious... slight fever for a day with congestion and coughing. as usual its drained into my lungs. my cough and congestion has been persistent.) - but being with him made me feel a little bit better; smelling him, touching him, kissing him... mind you, he doesn't make it just all go away, but cuddling ith him at least made is a bit better.
so then we all go out for munch, Jimmie, his roommate cory, and i. i actually think im going to be able to eat all my food, maybe even order more... nope. i got hit with a wave of dizziness and tightness in my head and slight nausea. all i want then is to curl up in my bed with my cats.
so then i go home and curl into bed with my cats...
while with the boys i wanted to be alone. but once alone i wanted jimmie with me.
bipolar sucks.
Amy will be coming to visit soon though, spend the hour with me before i have to go to work. 'i miss her so much, all the time. I really wish i could speed up time to when she and i will be really okay again. I still feel like there is such a distance between us. things feel a bit awkward. I miss her.
well its started again. i finallly started a depressive episode. lethargy. feeling drained. lead on my chest and limbs. irritable.
today is going on day three... woke up mad because of a bad dream. was going to be too late to cass, so i skipped. came back to jimmies an slept some more.... more bad dreams. So my mood goes from mad to just plain shitty. not to mention i feel feverish and weak again, almost like my sickness is returning. (oh i forgot to blog that i got sick last week. nothing serious... slight fever for a day with congestion and coughing. as usual its drained into my lungs. my cough and congestion has been persistent.) - but being with him made me feel a little bit better; smelling him, touching him, kissing him... mind you, he doesn't make it just all go away, but cuddling ith him at least made is a bit better.
so then we all go out for munch, Jimmie, his roommate cory, and i. i actually think im going to be able to eat all my food, maybe even order more... nope. i got hit with a wave of dizziness and tightness in my head and slight nausea. all i want then is to curl up in my bed with my cats.
so then i go home and curl into bed with my cats...
while with the boys i wanted to be alone. but once alone i wanted jimmie with me.
bipolar sucks.
Amy will be coming to visit soon though, spend the hour with me before i have to go to work. 'i miss her so much, all the time. I really wish i could speed up time to when she and i will be really okay again. I still feel like there is such a distance between us. things feel a bit awkward. I miss her.
Sunday, January 7, 2018
readings for the new year
what does this year hold for me?
shaman one card: retreat - get your ducks in a row, strengthen yourself for the changes to come. alternatively process through the changes that have already occurred.
What does this year hold for my heart/relationships?
shaman one card: stripping illusion- let go of the past and unfulfilled relationships, they hinder the inner beauty of what is really there.
----> one more please?: its all good - every thing that happens is a lesson. by not attaching expectations you will allow things to flow naturally.
tarot for general:
Oracle:
Amy
present/issue: the horse king - you are not meant to go through this alone
advice/action: (i got 2) the swan queen- it takes time, wont happen over night. Lady of love and compassion - you are loved and as long as you go forward with love, i will be ok.
possible outcome/final advice - spirituality. we will come together again through spirituality. t will be what keeps us from straying too far from each other.
done with shaman oracle
Brooks
1. home - sense of belonging
2.inner journey - go forward with no judgment, agree to disagree
3.joy - good times ti come
4.growth - if people leave your life thank them for being there and let them go.
Coven
1. creativity - follow creative urges, a new way of being
2. teaching - formal teaching experience...
3. home - belonging, things are as they are supposed to be
*** DO I FINALLY GET A SPIRITUAL TEACHER?????
Jimmie
1. letting go.....of? -> grounding: warns against false grounding... unhealthy coping mechanisms
2. omens - pay attention to coincidences
3. integration - listen to intuition, be who you really are not what everyone says.
4. retreat - ready yourself for change, grow in strength both physically and spiritually
5.past, present, future - let go of the past and judgments to move forward and enjoy the present and future.
What does this semester hold for me?
shaman
1. duality - instead of seeing black and white, try seeing the shades of grey.
2. transformation - this semester will act as a catalyst to a major transformation.
3. forgiveness - forgive yourself for any screw ups
4. abundance - stop focusing on physical wealth. aka - stop stressing about money
5. truth - hiding from the truth only makes the lesson more intense...aka the longer you are ignorant the worse it will be
6. burden - this card is actually about self doubt, we take on the burdens of others because we need to feel uselful and needed, which stems from feeling like we aren't enough. - i am enough.
What does this year hold for me in terms of Work and career after i graduate?
My Tarot
1. 2 of wands - enterprise, creative venture, anticipation
2. 4 of wands - celebration, harmony, fulfillment
3. 7 of wands - courage, advantage, higher ground
4. 9 of cups - contentment, fulfilled wishes
5. hierophant - alliance, marriage/the legal coming together of two parties
6. 9 of wands - perseverance, recovery, defense, resources(recovery from what?)
7. 10 of pents - domestic harmony
What will this semester look like for Jimmie
Oracle
present/issue chess queen: the fire prince - optimism! this semester will be good for you!! You just have to go into it with a positive outlook, and positive things will come.
advice/action: the hawk prince challenger - pay attention to signs... look for red flags and listen to your instincts if something doesn't feel right.
possible outcome/ final advice: high lord of gratitude and service- do things for the sake of doing them, not reward... and the reward will be great. Make decisions based on how you feel and what is right rather than which will have the most prosperous outcome.
Jimmie's Year?
Shaman one card: duality -> how you deal with challenges that come your way is up to you
details that decided to fall out: a shit ton.
Oracle:
present/issue chess queen: trust in the divine.....***** CONNECTS WITH OMENS****
shaman one card: retreat - get your ducks in a row, strengthen yourself for the changes to come. alternatively process through the changes that have already occurred.
What does this year hold for my heart/relationships?
shaman one card: stripping illusion- let go of the past and unfulfilled relationships, they hinder the inner beauty of what is really there.
----> one more please?: its all good - every thing that happens is a lesson. by not attaching expectations you will allow things to flow naturally.
tarot for general:
- 4 of swords reversed: opportunity---> for what?
- wheel of fortune - success, destiny, letting go of control
- hanged man reversed - struggle, procrastination, unwillingness
- knight of swords, ready to rush in -> to what?
- Strength: unfocused energy, overwhelming emotion
- delays, frustration
- 8 of wands reversed - apprehension, dispute
- 5 of pents - disenfranchised --> (i forgot to put what card i drew) resolution and compromise
Oracle:
Amy
present/issue: the horse king - you are not meant to go through this alone
advice/action: (i got 2) the swan queen- it takes time, wont happen over night. Lady of love and compassion - you are loved and as long as you go forward with love, i will be ok.
possible outcome/final advice - spirituality. we will come together again through spirituality. t will be what keeps us from straying too far from each other.
done with shaman oracle
Brooks
1. home - sense of belonging
2.inner journey - go forward with no judgment, agree to disagree
3.joy - good times ti come
4.growth - if people leave your life thank them for being there and let them go.
Coven
1. creativity - follow creative urges, a new way of being
2. teaching - formal teaching experience...
3. home - belonging, things are as they are supposed to be
*** DO I FINALLY GET A SPIRITUAL TEACHER?????
Jimmie
1. letting go.....of? -> grounding: warns against false grounding... unhealthy coping mechanisms
2. omens - pay attention to coincidences
3. integration - listen to intuition, be who you really are not what everyone says.
4. retreat - ready yourself for change, grow in strength both physically and spiritually
5.past, present, future - let go of the past and judgments to move forward and enjoy the present and future.
What does this semester hold for me?
shaman
1. duality - instead of seeing black and white, try seeing the shades of grey.
2. transformation - this semester will act as a catalyst to a major transformation.
3. forgiveness - forgive yourself for any screw ups
4. abundance - stop focusing on physical wealth. aka - stop stressing about money
5. truth - hiding from the truth only makes the lesson more intense...aka the longer you are ignorant the worse it will be
6. burden - this card is actually about self doubt, we take on the burdens of others because we need to feel uselful and needed, which stems from feeling like we aren't enough. - i am enough.
What does this year hold for me in terms of Work and career after i graduate?
My Tarot
1. 2 of wands - enterprise, creative venture, anticipation
2. 4 of wands - celebration, harmony, fulfillment
3. 7 of wands - courage, advantage, higher ground
4. 9 of cups - contentment, fulfilled wishes
5. hierophant - alliance, marriage/the legal coming together of two parties
6. 9 of wands - perseverance, recovery, defense, resources
7. 10 of pents - domestic harmony
What will this semester look like for Jimmie
Oracle
present/issue chess queen: the fire prince - optimism! this semester will be good for you!! You just have to go into it with a positive outlook, and positive things will come.
advice/action: the hawk prince challenger - pay attention to signs... look for red flags and listen to your instincts if something doesn't feel right.
possible outcome/ final advice: high lord of gratitude and service- do things for the sake of doing them, not reward... and the reward will be great. Make decisions based on how you feel and what is right rather than which will have the most prosperous outcome.
Jimmie's Year?
Shaman one card: duality -> how you deal with challenges that come your way is up to you
details that decided to fall out: a shit ton.
- omens - pay attention to coincidences in your life. look for patterns.
- growth - people come and go, let them, and learn. new room for new beginnings.
- creativity - this year will bring you new avenues to explore via trying things you would normally never do. act on your impulses. card symbolizes the birth of a new state of being.
- emotional release: voice your feelings, don't bottle them up in an attempt to seem :strong". find a way to let negative emotions out... journal, dance, ect. it will be healing.
- self love - admit your past mistakes and let them go. don't dwell on them and forgive yourself, embrace and learn from your imperfections. love yourself.
- sexual energy: sexual energy come from within us, how we use it is important. It can be used for manipulation or to bring energies closer....essentially this card is saying sexual energy can be spiritual.
- sacred space: essentially this card says you need to make an alter. doesn't have to be spiritual, but have a sacred spot on a shelf or a room where you keep items that are dear and meaningful to you. pictures of loved ones, ites that remind you of people or memories. keep a candle there, even if you never light it.
- home: this year has the potential to "bring you home". to a place in your life where you are safe and secure. It leads to a family or a point in your life where you settle down. It could be a place you will visit and you will be struck with a sense of belonging. no matter what you will find a "home". <3
- struggle: any struggle that comes to you this year will only help you to grow. when it comes, ask yourself, what is this teaching you? (this might come from hindsight as a means to get past the challenge or see the purpose of it)
- Joy: self explanatory. Good things come your way, a year of self reflection and love.
Oracle:
present/issue chess queen: trust in the divine.....***** CONNECTS WITH OMENS****
advice/action: Gaia's Garden - you will have all you need, enjoy the fruits of your labor. what you need will come to you when you need it. Embrace the good.
possible outcome/ final advice: queen of light challenger:don't give in to fear or rejection or failure. if its meant to be it will be. DO THE THING (whatever it is when it comes)
possible outcome/ final advice: queen of light challenger:don't give in to fear or rejection or failure. if its meant to be it will be. DO THE THING (whatever it is when it comes)
spring 2018 textbooks
**mind you none of these have actually been bought or rented yet, this is for when i get my money.
Anth: 9781442268845 ---> Chegg E textbook bought 52$
https://ereader.chegg.com/#/books/9781442268869!/4/2/2@0:0.00
Poetry:
Anth: 9781442268845 ---> Chegg E textbook bought 52$
https://ereader.chegg.com/#/books/9781442268869!/4/2/2@0:0.00
Poetry:
- 9780060908904 ---> bought amazon 6.45
- 9781555976811 ---> bought amazon 8.34
- 9781555977856 --- > bought amazon 9.02
- 9780394747705 ---> rent from chegg 11.49
- 9780618872657 ---> bought amazon 9.88
- 9780880015578 ---> rent from chegg 11.49
Personality: 9780078035357 --> rent from chegg 37.99
*** backpack subscription 18 ( https://www.packback.co)
Sex:
9781627519601 --> bought on amazon 65
9780313380860 --> bought amazon 49
chegg free shipping if cart = more than 50$
WOWCHEGGTHX
professors and classes
monday/wed/fri
ethnographic methods - Brooks - notes heavy, pay attention, don't need to buy the book, 3 tests
personality - Baker - seems easy going, do online tests, GO TO CLASS
tues/thurs
poetry - Mrs Amber Thomas... had her for creative nonfiction. do the work and it will be fine.
human sexuality - Dr. Knox ---> love him, personal friend, yes!
get it together
so tomorrow is the firt day of my last semester and i don't have my shit together. I dont ave any of my books. i havn't made a spreadsheet of my schedule yet. I havn't looked up my professor on ratemyprofessor yet. like jesus, what is wrong with me.
well for the first part - i don;t have my refund yet to buy my books.
buuuuttt... since i'm sick i might as well do what i can.
step 1 - do my schedule spread sheet.
step 2 - look up professors
step 3 - read the syllabuses for classes
step 4 - make a list of all the textbooks i need
step 5 - GET MY MONEY and actually buy/rent said books.
i also need to
- actually get my school bag together. Notebook, pens, laptop.
- do some tarot/oracle/shaman readings for the new year. and for after graduation. i'm kind of terrified.
-make a linkdin
BTW i dropped the Dr. Mathews class that i really didnt want to take so now i'm back at 12 credit hours.
well for the first part - i don;t have my refund yet to buy my books.
buuuuttt... since i'm sick i might as well do what i can.
step 1 - do my schedule spread sheet.
step 2 - look up professors
step 3 - read the syllabuses for classes
step 4 - make a list of all the textbooks i need
step 5 - GET MY MONEY and actually buy/rent said books.
i also need to
- actually get my school bag together. Notebook, pens, laptop.
- do some tarot/oracle/shaman readings for the new year. and for after graduation. i'm kind of terrified.
-make a linkdin
BTW i dropped the Dr. Mathews class that i really didnt want to take so now i'm back at 12 credit hours.
Thursday, January 4, 2018
Job applications
so I submitted a job application to be a server at ec pho and tonight I’m submitting one to Texas road house, starlight, chop house, wasabi 88, longhorn, and I’ll look around.
Time to leave Foodlion.
Time to leave Foodlion.
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