also about jimmie

So... I lucked out.

My past 3 partners have all known about fae in varying degrees. Cory kinda knew about her, "my faerie side". Lauren knew about her but never met her. And now jimmie.

jimmie has been the most supportive, patient, and understanding partner when it comes to my mental health.

he calms me down when my anxiety gets bad. He makes me laugh when i'm feeling down.. (amongst other methods). He is patient when my bipolar is acting up and i go a little crazy.... He loves me... both of the me's.

he has seen fiona in multiple occasions... and in different moods. and he isn't scared off by her... even though she was feeling kinda dangerous last night. he handled her perfectly.

i'm so lucky.

how did I get this lucky?

I could cry.

not going to be homeless!

So when my lease runs up in july... i'm not going to be homeless!!!

i will be getting the condo i am so in love with, with Morgan and Cole.

does that mean i have stopped looking at places? no... because of coarse i'm going to daydream about places to get with jimmie. :P

i  kinda love the guy and i like daydreaming.

episode

so i had an episode last night... unprovoked, I switched over to Fiona - hard core. I forgot just how fully liberating is it to be her. To give zero fucks. To feel powerful. Like i could take on the world and make it kneel.

it was aso a bit alarming. I forgot also that when in full swing she can be quite destructive. Thank goodness Cory was there last night because when she/i pulled up,  i was ready to dominate. As in Jimmie would have been subjugated and kneeling, with chains and a collar (none of which were available, but that was the image in my/her mind). She/I wanted to sink my nails into him and ... just revel in  the power. She is fae and she wanted to remind him of what kind of creature he keeps in his company.

it reminds me why i use to be afraid of her. As exhilarating as it is to be her... if she acted on her impulses and desires I fear for those around.  I'm kind of glad cory was there because it made her behave and hold back.

I miss it. as soon as the percentages shifted back into my favor I was left with the stark differences between us. I was suddenly vulnerable and weak. Her strength and lack of fear (of anything...) was gone. I am a pale blue in comparison to her brilliant red.

Jimmie was great. He just rolled and went with it. He could tell as soon as I walked up that I was Fiona, and he acted accordingly... wrapping around her, covering her shoulders in small adoring kisses. She wanted to play with him.. to take him in the back and wrestle him. To remind him that she was in charge, no matter who won the game. She wanted him to be her human pet... as faeries sometimes take us as.

none of tat occurred, of coarse.

When she takes over and drives, i am alarmed, like riding a roller coaster... I am afraid for my friends but .... I miss it as soon as the ride is over.

And I know she wouldn't severely harm anyone... it would cause trouble for me. But... gods above. I was messed up for like an hour as the percentages in my brain were going haywire. I didn't recognize my reflection. Its like that weird space in-between selves.... where I'm not one or the other... i'm not even a mix of both... i'm neither, almost an empty husk of a person....

to do

so i
m giving Jimmie some space since i spet all of yesterday with him and he needs to get some homework done.

Feels wierd not being over there, kinda miss him, but the cats are happy.

so what do i do with my 4 hours of free time?
none of my friends are available to hang out.

• Cat litter
• sexuality study guide
• finish editing that girl's novel
• Ethnography Assignment#4 - due the 21st
• Writ up 4pg paper on poetry book - due next eek?
• finish the last episode of dracula

day trip

so yesterday Jimmie and I both had off from work, so we decided to take a day trip!

to the sylvan heights bird park.

It was great.

I got to see 3 different types of swans (so beautiful!!)
SO MANY FLAMINGOS - and i got to feed and pet some!
I saw cute little owls... big eagles... then..

i got covered head to toe in bugee birds.
it was amazing.

Now i want 2 sweet little bugee babies. they were so small and cute, and easy to handle.
ugh <3

so now I want"

- cats
-ribbon snake
- 2 buggee birds

cruise

okay so i went on a 7 day cruise..... and pretty much hated it.

• I felt trapped on the ship. Like i was a caged animal. 
• I missed my boyfriend intensely. 
• I couldn't really connect with people, so i was lonely. 
• I was insanely bored. There wasn't much to do on the ship. 
• The water was sooooo rough.... many experienced cruisers said this was the roughest cruise they had ever been on. 
• Because of ^ I was very seasick the first 3 days.
• We couldn't make out first port because of the rough waters. I wanted to see the atlantis aquarium. It was disapointing. 
• I made the decision to buy the drinking package (almost 500$) so that Stacey could have it. Due to that i couldn't afford do do any excursions on shore except for one - swimming with sting rays

The last 2 days were kinda fun but i think that was because we were headed home.

Baby free

so I got the Paraguay’s IUD inserted today.

As painful as that was - and despite what everyone says - is. Is. Painful:

In 24 hours I will Be baby free for the next 10 years.