It's fine

The car is fine. Some fuel got where it wasn't supposed to. We don't now if there I'd any actual damage do for now it should be fine.

uh-oh sleepy-o

okay yeah its 2:37 and i need to get up in the morning and bring the crap car to the dealership at 8:00am.

then if they're not open i need to take it to an autozone place. ugh.

meaning i need to get up at 7:30.

thats... 3-7:30...4-ish hours of sleep.

damn.


is it bad i want to talk with her some more? **bree
but she's already gone and i need to get my ass to bed.

now.

update on crush

i forgot to say this earlier.

yeah... i kinda got stood up.

today is sunday...
(monday morning in the wee hours but i havn't slept so its still sunday ;) )
friday night the girl i was talking to had agreed to meet. I would pick her up, bring her to my place to play cards with my family. she said this tuesday.

friday roles around and i hadn't heard anything from her. no responces to my messages. my snapchats. anything. so i told her to txt me because i don't have internet at work and i was supposed to get her after work.

nothing.

its so sad... i kept checking my phone and ipod the entire night and next day, hoping to see something from her.

tuesday will makr a week of radio silence.

she better have a good reason, else my feelings will be hurt.

granted, if she does have a good reason, say...her iphone broke and she had no computer to contact me with? it would all just be water under the bridge.

but as of right now i feel like i was stood up.

we had agreed to meet.
and it never happened.

after a week i'll stop hoping to see if she messaged me.

i already stopped but after a full week, done.


**********rereading this, reminds me: i need to get bree's snapchat and/or kik.

i had to, i'm sorry

dear bree,

you are a kind person and i hope you see how wonderful you are.
life is full of trials and hard times and it only means that you are strong enough to get through it.
things always get better. they really do.

you havn't hurt me. at all. i'm shocked to think that you have and i only wish i could comfort you.
I really think that you are too hard on yourself and that you deserve to be happy and be happy with whomever you want.

quite frankly i didn't realize you felt anything real toward me. It genuinely surprised me and in  a good way. we have talked off an on for quite some time and i know i enjoyed talking with you. I never knew about your nightmares. i'm sorry i didn't know anything.

There is still time in the future if you ever want to try. When you are feeling better or feel like hanging out - call me. if you just want to talk - i'm here. If you miss me? talk to me. i'll always listen.

and i'm so sweet because i literately drink nothing but liquid sugar. ;)

everything we talked about tonight, takes time. But they get better. with dedication and determination and love and hope. as cliche as it sounds, anything is possible.you know... except flying unicorns. sadly.
(.....did that make you smile? no? darn. yes? mission complete)

i really do like talking to you. tell me your hopes. fears. day to day small things that just stick with you. lets talk music and adventure and just be silly.

remember to breathe and love yourself. because there is so much to love about you.

you are compassionate, and pretty, and smart.

but i feel like i need to know you better. know you more.

so lets talk, because.... i'm not going anywhere.

btw? i am happy. i am a happy person. no matter what life throws at me, i will remain a happy peson. so don't worry <3

want to know what you can do to make me happy? smile. laugh. remember to love life and to smell the flowers. see and soak up the sunshine. life is beautiful.

and so are you.

sincerely,
the hufflepuff that worms her way into everybody's heart,
Lisa <3

lady of love

Venus. Aphrodite. Astarte. Lady of love.

whats going on.

i don't know what to do.

help?

i ask you for something and suddenly different paths open up.

one closes and one opens out of nowhere.

help me know what to do?

bree bree bree.

Bree is a girl i have meantioned a few times here.

she has just told me some personal things, and somethings i never would have guessed.

she has feelings for me.

has since we met.

to be honest i never would have thought....

i mean i knew she liked me and thoght i was cute.

in a puppy dog kinda way,

but aparently not.

it just kills me that she doesn't see how good she is.
how pretty she is.

i just wish she had more positive influences.

some better friends.

SOME sort of good energy in her life.

and i kinda wish it was me.

like.... whe ni was depressed and full of self loathing, i surounded myself with people like me. it only made me worse. once i started to hang out with people who didn't pull me down, i began to lighten up. once i found my spiritual path it was impossible to hate myself.

but i wish i could have her for a day.
a full 24 hours.

just us two. alone.

and it would be  a day of bliss.

no alcohol. no drugs.

just laughter, cuddles, (being honest: kisses galore.) talking.

maybe go for a walk.
explore some woods.

i want to take her out of the world for a minute and bring her some peace.

i found peace in nature.

i want to take her to where i find peace and see if it helps.

i want to help her be happy.
feel good about herself.

be a good influence on her.

a ray of sunshine.


******

in retrospect i hope i didn't say anything to offend her. but i feel like i can just talk to her and she wouldn't jusge me. hell i've told her things i havn't told another living person. and did she bat an eyelash? nope. she just called me perfect haha

Piece of shit.

This car is a piece of shit. It has "service engine soon" lit up AGAIN. We JUST got it fixed 4 days ago.