back to my roots

since i don't have any work to do for thursday class tonight.. and no work to do for any classes next week (spring break ohhhhh yeeahhhh) i have 4 hours today to research things to get back to my roots.

I'm going to do some research for some writing... 

then i'm going to write for at least an hour. 

I'm thinking.... Leanan Sidhe. 

 I want to play with both her dark and light aspects. 

https://ghostlyaspectsfolklore.wordpress.com/2014/09/01/immortal-lovers-the-leanan-sidhe/

use some of these as she travels with a group

https://www.bpal.org/topic/12199-leanan-sidhe/

omg... a girl tries to save her boyfriend from a woman she suspects is Leanan Sidhe... only to start to fall for her... and in the end... she finds out that she herself was her boyfriend's muse and has been unknowingly feeding off of him. The fae she suspected was actually watching over her and waiting to take her home to be with her people... 

or

will probs be this one: (which i will put on my novel writing blog)

A young woman starts a relationship with an artist... after great success the girlfriend falls sick. Determined to find out whats wrong the protagonist is lead to believe that the sickness is not natural... and her search for a cause leads her to the faerie world. She is joined by a band of misfits who agree to take her to the hall of the seelie court to ask for assistance. Her adventure unfolds as she quests for the cure for her lover. 

(more indepth on other blog)

Resources for Dead Medicine Paper

time table:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_years

all:
https://www.thelancet.com/journals/lancet/article/PIIS0140673608609071/fulltext?rss=yes
https://onlinelibrary-wiley-com.jproxy.lib.ecu.edu/doi/pdf/10.1111/lic3.12109
Mummies, Cannibals and Vampires: The History of Corpse Medicine from the Renaissance to the Victorians
https://link-springer-com.jproxy.lib.ecu.edu/article/10.1023%2FA%3A1006816817733
https://www.jstor.org/stable/pdf/29790453.pdf?refreqid=excelsior%3A2063a309956a52c0a3513a4045db0412 ^^

Relic:
healing: https://www.treasuresofthechurch.com/about-relics
https://jfpenn.com/religious-relics/
https://thecatholictraveler.com/hanging-dead-relics-incorruptibles/

Early Examples: (prior to1501)
https://listverse.com/2017/04/30/top-10-corpse-medicines-that-turned-patients-into-cannibals/
http://www.spiegel.de/international/zeitgeist/europe-s-medicinal-cannibalism-the-healing-power-of-death-a-604548.html
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tupi_people#Cannibalism -->  http://www.heretical.com/cannibal/samerica.html
https://onlinelibrary-wiley-com.jproxy.lib.ecu.edu/doi/pdf/10.1111/lic3.12109


16-17th (1501-1700)

"By the 16th century, cannibalism was not just part of the mental furniture of Europeans; it was a common part of everyday medicine from Spain to England.

Initially, little bits of pulverized mummies imported from Egypt were used in prescriptions against disease, but the practice soon expanded to include the flesh, skin, bone, blood, fat and urine of local cadavers, such as recently executed criminals and bodies dug up illegally from graveyards, says University of Durham’s Richard Sugg, who published a book in 2011 called Mummies, Cannibals and Vampires: The History of Corpse Medicine from the Renaissance to the Victorians.

Medicinal cannibalism reached a feverish pitch around 1680, Sugg says. But the practice can be traced back to the Greek doctor Galen, who recommended human blood as part of some remedies in the 2nd century A.D., and it continued all the way into the 20th century. In 1910, a German pharmaceutical catalog was still selling mummy, says Louise Noble, who also wrote a book on the topic called Medicinal Cannibalism in Early Modern English Literature and Culture."https://www.smithsonianmag.com/history/europes-hypocritical-history-of-cannibalism-42642371/

Mummies: https://bonesdontlie.wordpress.com/2015/04/08/new-morbid-terminology-corpse-medicine/

https://www.thelancet.com/journals/lancet/article/PIIS0140673608609071/fulltext?rss=yes
Dr. Toope: http://thingsinthree.blogspot.com/2013/06/dr-robert-toope.html
https://www.laphamsquarterly.org/roundtable/brief-history-medical-cannibalism
https://www.smithsonianmag.com/history/the-gruesome-history-of-eating-corpses-as-medicine-82360284/

Explicit examples:
- https://www.ranker.com/list/facts-about-seventeenth-century-corpse-medicine/lisa-a-flowers --> this includes some placenta eating info!
- https://listverse.com/2017/04/30/top-10-corpse-medicines-that-turned-patients-into-cannibals/


up to the 18th - 20th century (1701-2000)
https://www.thelancet.com/journals/lancet/article/PIIS0140-6736(08)60907-1/fulltext
https://listverse.com/2017/04/30/top-10-corpse-medicines-that-turned-patients-into-cannibals/
very end: http://www.spiegel.de/international/zeitgeist/europe-s-medicinal-cannibalism-the-healing-power-of-death-a-604548.html
https://www.smithsonianmag.com/history/the-gruesome-history-of-eating-corpses-as-medicine-82360284/

Contemporary (1945-present):
https://www.smithsonianmag.com/history/the-gruesome-history-of-eating-corpses-as-medicine-82360284/
https://link.springer.com/chapter/10.1057/9780230118614_7
https://sciencebasedmedicine.org/cannibalism/ -->  https://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/worldnews/asia/southkorea/9250438/Pills-filled-with-powdered-human-baby-flesh-found-by-customs-officials.html
https://www.theguardian.com/books/2017/feb/13/eat-me-natural-unnatural-history-cannibalism-anthropology-bill-schutt-review
Placenta eating:
- https://io9.gizmodo.com/the-questionable-nutritional-value-of-eating-a-human-pl-5960569




https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mellified_man --> chinese

Beauty

I looked in the mirror today and saw myself with no make up, dirty hair, and naked...
For the first time in a while.. I saw beauty.

My skin isn’t ugly, it’s just pale. The translucence will fade when I can sunbathe. The stretch marks will do their own thing, I can put lotion on to help with those.

My face wasn’t as round as I thought, it’s was just my face. I feel focused on my eyes, which seem brighter than usual.


I have seen several bodies bigger than mine and found them beautiful, so why is it I struggle to see beauty in my form?

Today I did

Reconnect

I need a serious reconnect with my soul.

the steps:

1. Set your intention. --> i have been stuck on this one for a long time
2. Feed your mind.
3. Be still every day. --> meditate... its okay if its guided meditations
4. Don't neglect your body. --> I severely struggle with this
5. Approach your practice with playfulness.--> I struggle
6.  Watch for signs. - i am terrible at this... but i'm trying to get better
7. Connect with your tribe. --> had this and lost it. Miss it greatly. 
8. Experiment.

https://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-22916/an-8step-guide-to-tapping-into-your-spiritual-side-today.html

suggestions from another site:

•  Remember what you love to do and go do it! 
• I need to get back to my writing. 
• I need to dance more often
• go for more walks
• do more readings
• Go on an adventure.
• go for walks, explore trails off the beaten path
• just go for a drive down back roads and sing
• Reconnect with your dreams and dream BIG.
• for someone named "dreaming bear" I have forgotten how to dream. I am disconnected from dreams. 
• Expand your comfort zone regularly.
• i need to start going to pagany things... look for cons and festivals somehow
• I need to reach out to Mike. I have to leave my comfortzone and get past my shame... Im going to try today. 
• Get quiet and listen - meditate

words of a stranger. (poem)

I am moved by the words of a stranger,
one who so clearly saw me better than I myself could whilst looking in a mirror.
Those things about myself which hide under pounds of flesh I could not see past,
shined clearly in the eyes of another.

I am moved by the words of a stranger,
whose smile was warm and almost unconditionally loving.
He spoke with a voice that hugged the soul and words that encouraged flight,
his words carried a truth i longed to hear.

I am moved by the words of a stranger,
who so clearly stated something he deemed trivial in passing
but whose words spoke to and eased my heart in a way he could never understand.
"There is something magic about you."

I am moved by the words of a stranger,
With six words he reassured me of my biggest fear, made me feel the love of the universe again.
I am reminded of a truth I thought I had lost,
all the while it had not lost me.

I am moved by the words of a stranger.

messages from the universe

I will never again (okay i will but i am shook right now) doubt that the universe/the gods listen to us and look out for us.

so i have needed to talk to someone for a long time now about how spiritually disconnected i am and how i feel i have lost touch with my magical origins.

I feel disconnected from my soul.
I barley pray anymore.
My spell craft can't seem to go right.
I can't seem to connect with the faeries that are with me... if they are even with me anymore.

The longer i am in this human form... the more human i become.
My body is changing.
I'm losing touch with the divine more and more.

I thought i had pretty much lost anything magical about myself... i had lost myself.
I was talking about it to my friend Jerry yesterday... something in me made me reach out to him about it... and he offered some good advice and sent me a beautiful poem that helped him when he felt lost.

It was a beautiful poem and i could tell it was significant... i just couldn't understand the meaning fully.


then today out of nowhere this guy walks into the computer lab where i have my hours and just starts talking to me. He seems like he can't stay long and when he leaves he says "there is something magical about you.. there really is. I hope you don't lose that, because its special." when I said thank you and hugged him and told him i had actually been feeling disconnected from magic he shook his head and said "you are magical, I can tell." and i started to tear up he laughed and nodded; then he was gone. 


sometimes if you get a message one way but don't understand it, if its important enough the gods will send it to you again in another way.

sociology paper contest

I'm thinking about entering a sociology paper contest....

I figured I might do it on the topic of BDSM as a form of coping with stress (the non sexual aspect of ddlg, pet play, furies, etc)

I could feature data acquired through online interviews and any articles i have found.