Roe vs wade

 I have been too angry to function. 

I get up and go to work. I go for walks in nature to ground myself. I sing. I dance. I try to watch tv to escape. 

None of that works long enough to permanently take the edge off. 

I am so angry I want violence. 

I want the people who have stripped me of my body autonomy to be hurt. 

I want those within that group who want to challenge my right to marriage and birth control to be hurt even worse. 

I can’t be around my guy friends. I’m so angry around men, I don’t want to take it out on those who had nothing to do with this, and all I want is queer and female company because I feel like they are the only ones who can truly understand my anger. 

The tears that leak from my eyes, as I have not yet allowed myself to fully cry, are not from defeat or sorrow.

I. Am. Angry.

I feel useless and powerless, which only makes my rage hurt hotter. I feel as if it will burn me up completely. 

My sobriety is on thin ice. 

Last night I reached out to an activist friend for help because I am not okay. I can’t keep going like this. 

So she’s going to help me channel all this energy towards something that will help my community. I’m going to learn how to make something called “portable hugs” to donate to the free mom hugs initiative. It will help me get my hands busy and out of my head.

She’s also going to teach me to diamond paint. Something that requires so much focus that there won’t be time for me to stew in my anger. Think paint by number but it’s done in tiny diamond shapes. 

And then on July 4th, I’m going to a protest. That is where I’ll finally let myself scream. And cry. And channel that rage. I’ll let my voice be heard in the masses of other angry women and queer folk. 

I think that will be what helps me the most.

New Budgeting

 okay so i got in a wreck this past weekend. New look at money. 

the move:

The Room itself will either be 915 (B5 - 739 sq ft) or 1109 (C1 - 844 sq ft  - need a 50K+ job for).

• 915 1st months rent
• 500 deposit
• 35 garage parking spot (assigned)
• 10 admin fee
• 3000 for the move itself
• $150 flight from Chicago to Raleigh if I can talk anyone into making this trip with me. 

-----------------------------------------------------------

4610 = 5K to be on the very safest side. 

I currently have 2K saved up. My car is 99% likely to be totaled so i am waiting to see how much they give me for it. I am hoping for at least 8K; which would let me pay off my current car loan, out a down payment on a new car (at least 2K), and put a bit in savings?

If i can out 1K in savings that means i need 2K more. 2K/10 = 200 (be ready to move by March)

if i can put 1.5K in savings that means..... 1.5K/10 = 150

new car insurance - 450/6 = 75 a month. 

Car Payment - 235$ 

okay so budgeting (budgeting it high)

RENT 700

UTIL 200

INT   0

PHONE 60

STUDENT 75

HEALTH 50

CREDIT 100

CAR P  250

CAR I  100

GYM 10

ENTERT 15

FOOD 200

MISC 200

GAS 100

CATS 50

-------------------------

2110

+ 150 savings.

---------------------

2260 a month  = 2825 before taxes. 

2825 x 12 = 34656 = 16.30 an hour full time 

Once ellis can start helping:

RENT 400

UTIL 100

INT   0

PHONE 60

STUDENT 75

HEALTH 50

CREDIT 100

CAR P  250

CAR I  100

GYM 10

ENTERT 15

FOOD 200

MISC 200

GAS 100

CATS 50

-------------------------

1710

+ 150 savings.

---------------------

1860 a month = 2325 before taxes

2325*12 = 13.41 an hour full time... we won't consider ANYTHING under $15.

https://www.autotrader.com/cars-for-sale/vehicledetails.xhtml?listingId=626629362&driveGroup=AWD4WD&city=Greenville&state=NC&zip=27858&location=&modelCodeList=JEEPRENEG%2CROGUE&fuelTypeGroup=GSL&maxMileage=75000&vehicleStyleCodes=HATCH%2CSEDAN%2CSUVCROSS&transmissionCodes=AUT&featureCodes=1062%2C1224&mpgRanges=20-MPG&searchRadius=100&marketExtension=include&startYear=2016&maxPrice=19215&isNewSearch=false&showAccelerateBanner=false&sortBy=derivedpriceASC&numRecords=25&dma=&listingTypes=USED&referrer=%2Fcars-for-sale%2Fawd-4wd%2Fgreenville-nc-27858%3FmodelCodeList%3DJEEPRENEG%252CROGUE%26dma%3D%26fuelTypeGroup%3DGSL%26maxMileage%3D75000%26vehicleStyleCodes%3DHATCH%252CSEDAN%252CSUVCROSS%26transmissionCodes%3DAUT%26featureCodes%3D1062%252C1224%26mpgRanges%3D20-MPG%26searchRadius%3D100%26location%3D%26marketExtension%3Dinclude%26startYear%3D2016%26maxPrice%3D19215%26isNewSearch%3Dfalse%26showAccelerateBanner%3Dfalse%26sortBy%3DderivedpriceASC%26numRecords%3D25&clickType=spotlight

Another reason to go to Madison WI

 My MFA in Creative Writing..... they take 6 fiction writers on even numbered years (6 poetry writers on odd years) and its a two year program. 

https://guide.wisc.edu/graduate/english/creative-writing-mfa/#text

bruhhhhhh

Madison Money Talk pt 2

3610 without paying off my car. = 4K

6610 if i do pay off my car. = 7K

Ive already got 2K saved. So thats some pretty good progress. 

• Lets say i move in next summer, like a year from now. I need a minimum of 2K more in my savings. 
• 2000/12 months = 167$ in savings a month. Easy. 
• To add paying off my car = 3000- (195 x 12) = 660/12 months = extra 55 a month 
• 225 a month in savings to move next MAY. 
• If I move When this lease is up...
• 2000/7 months = 285$ in savings a month (TIGHT but i can make it work)
• to add paying off my car = 3000 - (195x7) = 1635/7= 235
• 520 into savings each month.... not possible. Once ellis is making stable income and pays for half the bills MAYBE. 

So i'll make next May my moving goal. I'll start applying to jobs in March?

See if I can get any moving assistance because we all know it takes more money to move than expected...... cuz think of all the small stuff i'll need to buy and stocking up the pantry and stuff. 

Done for good

 Well. Ripped the bandaid off. 

Viking man and I are done done. 

I love him so much. But ultimately we want different things in life. 

It’s gonna suck though because I’m going to look for him in every guy I meet. And I haven’t actually successfully dated a woman in 6 years. So like. What the fuck do I do. 

I’m in love with someone I can’t be with. 

I don’t see how any other guy is going to compare. 

I don’t know how a relationship with a woman would look like. 

What’s the point of dating if I’m moving states in a year and a half anyway. 

So I get to go drop off his stuff tomorrow after my grandads funeral. 

This has been a FANTASTIC week. 

Lets talk money.

 Okay, lets talk money. 

The Room itself will either be 915 (B5 - 739 sq ft) or 1109 (C1 - 844 sq ft  - need a 50K+ job for).

915 1st months rent

500 deposit

35 garage parking spot (assigned)

10 admin fee

3000 - pay off my car so i can get one that drives better on snow and ice.  if possible.

2000 for the move itself

$150 flight from Chicago to Raleigh if I can talk anyone into making this trip with me. 

------------------------

3610 without paying off my car. = 4K

6610 if i do pay off my car. = 7K

Ive already got 2K saved. So thats some pretty good progress. 

• Lets say i move in next summer, like a year from now. I need a minimum of 2K in my savings. 
• 2000/12 months = 167$ in savings a month. 
• To add paying off my car = 3000- (195 x 12) = 660/12 months = extra 55 a month 
• 225 a month in savings to move next MAY. 
• If I move When this lease is up...
• 2000/7 months = 285$ in savings a month (TIGHT but i can make it work)
• to add paying off my car = 3000 - (195x7) = 1635/7= 235
• 520 into savings each month.... not possible. Once ellis is making stable income and pays for half the bills MAYBE. 

So i'll make next May my moving goal. I'll start applying to jobs in March?

________________________________________________________________

Moving expenses

U-Pack

U-Pack is a moving service where you pack and load, and we handle the driving. Quotes include the equipment, liability coverage, transportation and fuel. For this example, U-Pack estimated the family would use 13 linear feet in a moving trailer at $1,956 total. Travel expenses include the hotel ($115.57), meals ($180), and since they will drive both vehicles, fuel in two cars ($200), making the total cost $2,451.57. So, for less than a rental truck, this family could move across the country without having to drive a big truck or leave their belongings parked outside a hotel overnight.

** I did their quote and it estimates 2525...so lets say 3000 (7-9 business days!?)

U-HAUL

5 days and 1294 miles  (will only need it for 3 days tbh)

15' Truck and Tow Dolly

Insurances

= 969

(plus gas... 300?)

+ Movers (250)

------------------------------------

1519 and done in 3 days.  but i have to drive a box truck while towing my car.....

Monthly Budget - 47000 = 2850

• 950 rent (includes heat, water, sewer, trash, and parking)
• 100 electric 
• 65 internet
• 100 gas
• 55 phone bill
• 200 car insurance
• 250 health insurance
• 250 student loans
• 300 car payment
• 100 debt
• 100 savings
• 50 medical bill

----------------

330 for (plus anything i make burlesque dancing)

• food
• cats
• fun

I could make that work. would be tight but i could make it. 

Madison WI

• Why Madison WI
• Its closer to my mom - 1 hour and 15 minutes is a lot better than multiple flights
• Milwaukee is a bigger city but i don't think it would be as good of a match. 
•  LOTS of nature parks and outdoor activities - I need to learn to Ski lol
• LOTS of lakes in or near by so plenty of places to swim
• only an hour or so away from amusement park that has indoor and outdoor options (that means fun even in winter!)
• . https://www.mtolympuspark.com/parks/
• Has a farmers Market every saturday for most of the year. (not like the world market but im content)
• thriving nightlife. Lots of breweries and wineries. = Good for social life
• Lots of art and culture - LOTS of events year round
• Good Job Market. I'll need to make at least 45K-55K and there are plenty of jobs that fall in that range. 
• Thriving Pagan Community
• It has a burlesque Scene (if the photo doesn't load, it shows 3 places that offer burlesque and whats not shown is other places that have burlesque event coming up)
• 
  
   

• Where in Madison WI
• https://www.apartments.com/limestone-ridge-apartments-fitchburg-wi/q9xzxpz/
• https://www.limestonefitchburg.com/fitchburg/limestone-ridge/floorplans/b5-653676/fp_name/
• either a B5 room or a C1 Room. 
• Whats near by this apartment? Everything I need. 
• within a 5 minute walk to Target
• within a 5 minute walk to an Asian Market that has a liquor store, bakery, deli, burger joint, and asian restauraunt in it. like come on. WHAT <3 
• 30 minute drive from a PAGAN CHURCH!!!?
• 5 minute walk to Starbucks; 10 minute bike ride to a local coffee shop
• 7 minute walk to an ALDI
• 10 minute walk to 2 gyms
• 15 minute walk/5 minute bike ride to a nature trail
• 5 minute walk to a VET. 
• 20 minute drive to a Swimming beach on Lake Waubesa 
• 1hr 15 minutes to the amuesment park
• 1hr 15 minutes drive to my mom. 

PROS

•  Despite being a big city the traffic isn't horrendous 
• All of the above (10 pros)
• Very LGBT+ Friendly
• Lots to do year round
• Only an hour or so from Chicago for some hefty adventure

CONS

• Game of thrones level winter. like. can get -30. Pray for me. 
• on the flip side... lots of winter activities and i can always drive to mom and we can complain together. ICE FISHING. 
• And lets be honest, if you actually dress for winter then it helps a LOT. 
• Lots of bugs (Mosquitos) in summer -- not that big of a deal tbh we get them here too. 
• Higher Taxes (lower sales tax but higher everything else.)

So. Honestly. I'll brave the cold for my mom. I'm worried about her health and I want to spend every minute with her that I can.  Next blog post will be the financials and logistics of the move. 

I've decided Madison, WI.