Insecure thoughts of the night

We were talking, my mom and I, about the past relationships that my twin has had. Talking about how her past 2 relationships had been low standard and how after this newest guy (granted it didn't last long) raised her standards. She now knows how she deserves to be treated. 

It got me thinking about my standards. 

Which of my relationships was I the happiest in? 

Jake.

That Bastard still haunts me.

It was the relationship I felt the safest. I laughed the most. I was protected and looked after, the perfect little nieve girl. 

He treated me like I was something precious. I felt safe and loved. I felt cherished.

With Staci I didn't feel pressured physically. I felt comfortable, to a stagnant point.

Corie was exciting but was too intense. 

With Jake it was enough excitement with enough relaxation so that I didn't feel too much of one or the other.

That Bastard will shadow my every relationship. 

I don't really remember the negatives as much, which is why my time with him became an almost Unachievable fantasy. 

And how can anyone compete with a fantasy?

I really am doomed to be alone. 

I'm a social person, and this is something  that deeply saddens me. 

But it's something I need to accept.