okay so... last night i did the spell/prayer with offerings thing.
I mentioned the whole non abusive high emotional intelligence thing to her, explained the trauma and needing someone who would be patient and helpful, ect.
I mentioned family oriented, wanting to have a family and someone who was nuturing.
I of coarse explained how i wanted someone compatible with me, my needs, and lifestyle... being able to do things together and encourage eachother.
I mentioned wanting someone whos spiritual path was similar to my own, someone that could help me grow and encourage me spiritually because its a missing piece from every serious relationship i ever had.
and I mentioned wanting a relationship that was focused on growth, both individually and together, and in it for the long term.
I ended it by asking for a clear sign that heard my prayer and was willing to help. I told her it didn't have to happen right away but that when she was ready to help me, I would appreciate it because i'm such a loving person and i need to love others and be loved.
After the spell I walked home... and on the walk home... my necklaces went missing. They fell out of my purse. I walked the entire greenway looking for them and couldn't find them anywhere... I got the distinct feeling that i should trust in what happened and come back in the morning.
I was very disgruntled. But i laughed saying how insane it would be if i met someone in the morning while looking for them.
...
...
...
well.
here's your sign.
I was chatting with my platonic life partner Lauren and starting my search on the greenway this morning. Saw a girl coming out of the greenway and stoppped to ask if she had seen any necklaces on her walk AND SHE DID.
Not only did she tell me the general area that she had seen them, but she actually helped me look and is ultimatley the one that found them a second time and gave them to me herself. I was in such a state of shock that All i could manage to say was thank you and we exchanged names.
now i'm no so delisional to think that this girl, whos name was August, is the next person i'm meant to fall in love with... but she acted as the messenger that Oshun heard my prayer and was willing to help.
Mandatory traits
1. Nonabusive high emotional intelligence
2. Family oriented
3. Witchy (faerie Witchy preferred - spiritual at the very least)
4. Compatible with emotional needs and lifestyle
5. Relationship geared towards long term autonomous growth
Show me a sign that this spell is working:
Song plays: “dream a little dream of me”
Shorts to Manifest
1. kisses in the dark/morning cuddles
2. singing loudly to music (at home and in the car)
3. slow dancing together at home
4. camping and ecstatic dance in nature
5. spells and partying with group
6. making offerings to the fae together
7. goofing off while running errands
8. homecooked meals and movie marathons
9. being held as i go to sleep and waking up still in their arms.
10. hobby dates.... them reading while i write for hours.... keeping eachother inspired.
What’s ironic about the whole situation is that I love him too much.
So while I’m not talking to him, trying to fall out of love with him, he’s eventually going to get tired of being single and find another girl.
In which case I def wouldn’t be able to be his friend because I would hate her.
But if we aren’t suppose to be then we aren’t. And aparently we aren’t.
I’ll eventually heal and be happy.
I hope he figures out what he feels he needs to. I hope he’s happy with how things turn out.
I can’t think of a way for this to work out in a positive way.
what i need to take: and as long as i'm making above a 2.0 i'm in "good academic standing) which is good because i am NOT making A's....
ACCT 6241 - Financial and Managerial Accounting (taking now)
FINA 6144 - Financial Management I - online/summer
FINA 6204 - Analysis of the Business Economic Environment - online - summer or fall FINA 6214 - Government Regulation of Business - online/summer MGMT 6102 - Comparative Management - online --> need to take before summer
I think what I’m torn up about... is that there is a serious chance I’ve losy jimmie from my life.
Or rather, he has lost me.
I don’t know how to be around Jimmie and not love him.
I had a crush on him from the moment I met him. Granted the feelings went dormant off and on because I knew he was off limits and I was friends with any.
But even before we got together... I had feelings for him.
Then I actually had him.
Then he decided he didn’t want me anymore - or at least “not right now”.
Which I no longer accept because I deserve better.
I know I do.
I deserve someone who actually appreciates me - something I know he didn’t do for a while before we broke up,.. and I wonder if he ever did.
He said he didn’t want me to wait for him to figure himself out... but in order to move on I have to somehow get over someone Iva had feelings for since early 2015.
I was in love with jake and it took 2 whole years to get over him.
I legit thought I was going to marry jimmie. I thought he was the one.
I know I can’t be his friend until I’m over him.
But I don’t know if I ever really will be.
Which means... he’s lost me for good.
Even if I get over this initial heartbreak.. I’m going to see and think of what could have been when I see him. Watch some other girl get the life I thought I would have.
And to be his friend without having feelings for him?
I don’t know how.
I’m between a rock and a hard place.
Never 100% get over him = never being his friend again.
Actually get over him = might be fine with him being out of my life.
Either way we aren’t in each other’s lives.
After a few weeks-months I won’t ask for Bia pictures, or he won’t send them.
We will lose all contact.
I’ll always have the memories but I think that my life and jimmies life... aren’t going to ever realign.
And wether that’s because I wasn’t enough for him like he originally said, or if it’s because he just wanted to be single for a while, I don’t know. Frankly I don’t think it matters anymore.
He’s lost me.
And I don’t know how that can be fixed.
Jimmie realized I unfriended him and asked me about it.
His first thought was that he had no chance to ever get back together with me in the future...
And I wanted to fucking scream.
WHEN THE HELL WOULD THAT FUCKING BE.
I can’t be content with wishful and hypothetical thinking.
It’s just fucking empty words.
Fucking air.
Words and maybes and “in the future” it’s all just fucking air.
Why should I fucking torture myself until he just decides he’s ready to not be single anymore.
I will not live my life on the ever changing whims of a man.
He is not safe and secure like I thought.
If he can go from “I’m in love with you” to being perfectly fine with just friends then he didn’t not love me like I thought he did. Like he said he did.
And goddamn right he should miss me.
I’m a great fucking person and a great partner.
And he threw it away because he wanted to be single.
Well until seeing or hearing his fucking name doesn’t feel like a goddamn knife stab in my heart he can be single without me in his life.
And I have bad new for him. Once I’m over someone completely... generally there’s no reversing it.
Besides. Even if he were to message me tomorrow and say he made a mistake and wants to get back together
Why the hell would I trust him?
How long has he been out of love with me before he decided to push me to break up with him?
How would I be able to trust that he wouldn’t decide he wants to be single again another so years in?
I can’t trust him with my heart.
But I can’t give my heart to anyone else because he still fucking has it.
And he said he didn’t think I was stuck on him.
Then what the hell would you fucking call it.
It took me two years to get over Jake.
I designed a fucking engagement ring for Jimmie.
How long is this one going to take to heal?
1. Value Proposition is the bundle of additional benefits a customer is promised along with the benefit of the product itself.
Examples:
- Caterpillar Earth Mover: Caterpillar prides itself on consistent and reliable products that get the job done, with the additional benefits of excellent customer service and support.
- Apple ipad: The apple ipad is more than just a convenient, portable device, it promises to have ample storage both in the device itself and in cloud, long batter life, and the processing power of a full desktop computer.
- Facebook: while the primary benefit is being able to connect with friends online, additional benefits Facebook offers is secure money transfers, games, and now even a dating app.
- McDonald Hamburger: the immediate benefit of the burger is to satisfy the customer's hunger, the bundle is that it satisfies the customer while remaining one of the cheapest options available.
- Fed Ex: along with the actual delivery, Fed Ex promises to handle packages with care and concern as well as to deliver with speed.
2. Starbucks is an excellent example of a firm that invests in the value chain model. Starbuck's inbound logistics, service, and technology development sets it apart. Starbucks advertises and pride's itself on sustainable and ethically sourced products (inbound logistics); Starbucks is renown for its customer service, calling each customer by name and remaking orders without hesitation if a mistake has been made (service), and along with sourcing sustainably as new technology comes out Starbucks seeks to use the most sustainable technology to promote environmental awareness and to do its part in taking care of the environment (technology).
3. Macro-Level External Environment
- Political/legal/Ethical: Parks are very large and very crowded, this leads to higher chances of people getting hurt or lost. Amusement parks must consider all legal applications and insurances that may come into play in case any injuries occur.
-Sociocultural: One way that amusement parks would be affected by sociocultural elements is the fact that new movies and cult followings pop up all the time. Disney just finished adding a starwars and pandora section to their park in Orlando which has drawn in and appealed to different target crowds.
- Technological: Technology is always evolving, marketers can incorporate the use of newer technology to improve customer support, manage lines for rides, and ticket sales.
- Economic: Anytime the market goes down fewer guests will go to the park due to decreased finances (we have the same problem in the restaurant I work at); the cost of gas is also a big economic factor for marketing teams to consider.
- Natural: Florida is the state that usually gets hit hardest with hurricanes, marketers would have to factor in loss of revenue during that time as well as possible cost of any repairs. There's also the factor that less tourists come through to the parks during the colder months than in warmer, marketing teams would need to factor in how to bring people in during the winter.
OK so basically i've been in avery tense living situation for the past month.
My roommates who live in the master bedroom are Kratom junkies. For those that don't know what they is, its basically an opiate but from the coffee bean family. They eat it in powder form and are very addicted to it... buy it over food and pet food level addicted. Start fights when it can't be found level addicted.
plus she uses my shit without asking. My shampoo, my conditioner, my wine. They took movies before and only asked after the fact.
on top of that, Ana, the chick, is physically and verbally abusive to her bf/fiance. I've come home to her beating on him and Jessy (the other roommate whoes totally chill and cool) has been home and heard her beating on him.
Then monday morning at 5:30 she gets into a drunken brawl with a friend of hers, and as the girl is leaving she throws a coffee mug and it shatters across the girls face. I had to take her to the ER.
that makes 3 acts of violence in less than a month.
Nah.
So i've kicked her out. within a day she found a place to go and she has until next monday to be out or i will file another complaint.
I could do a cutting ties spell to make it easier but I don’t think I could actually bring myself to go through with it.
I took his things off my alter... so at least I’m not seeing them every day.
...but the Valentine’s Day card was one of the “important documents” I packed during the hurricane.
I wish I could just wave a magic wand and be over him so that I can see him again.
If i had a rommate... for next year
My budget - realistically....
150 car insurance (i think i'll finally get off my mom's so i know it will go up)
400 rent
80 utilities (lets hope its less...)
50 student loans
30 internet
30 cats
150 eating out
100 misc.
100 savings (will vary on paycheck)
50 credit (this could vary)
100 groceries (could vary)
50 phone
60 gas (could go up depending on where i get a job)
50 health insurance?
____________________________________
1340
1350 after taxes... so 1350 x 1.25 = 1687.50 before taxes
20 hours a week/80 hours a month: 21.09 per hour
25 hours a week/100 hours a month: 16.87 per hour
30 hours a week/ 120 hours a month:14.06 per hour
40 hours a week/160 hours a month: 10.54 per hour
So i need to work 28-ish hours at 15$ an hour
or get a full time job that pays over 10.
*** dude I can go to hire-a-pirate and just get like... one or two jobs from there. Between two jobs I should be able to do it. Hopefully.
I'm not sure if it was SG, Brigid, Aine, or someone else... but someone sent me a song. I didn't know how much i needed to hear this song until I actually did. I've been crying since.
Darlin', you're hiding in the closet once again
Start smilin'
I know you're tryin', real hard not to turn your head away
Pretty darlin'
Face tomorrow, tomorrow's not yesterday
Yesterday, oh, oh
Pretty please, I know it's a drag
Wipe your eyes and put up your head
I wish you could be happy instead
There's nothing else I can do
Then love you the best that I can
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
Darlin', I was there once a while I go
I know, that it's hard to be stuck with people
That you love when nobody trusts
Pretty please, I know it's a drag (I know it's a drag)
Wipe your eyes and put up your head (put up your head)
I wish you could be happy instead
There's nothing else I can do
Then love you the best that I can
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
That I can
Oh, oh, oh
You're not the only one who's been through
I've been there alone and now so are you
I just want you to know,
Want you to know it's not your fault
It's not your fault
Oh, oh, you're fault, you're fault
It's not your fault
You're fault, you're fault, you're fault
Pretty please, I know it's a drag (know it's a drag)
Wipe your eyes and put up your head (put up your head)
I wish you could be happy instead
There's nothing else I can do
Then love you the best that I can
Pretty please, I know it's a drag (know it's a drag)
Wipe your eyes and put up your head (put up your head)
I’m laying in bed all alone and I just wish he was here, cuddled up behind me, and holding me.
I wish I could smell him.
I wish I could feel him.
I wish I had that sense of security he brought... even if it was false.
I miss talking to him.
I miss the random chit chat and bs we’d share.
I miss curling up and watching shows with him.
I miss the memes... he occasionally sends me some but I’ve made a point not to respond to them...
But tonight, as I was thinking about how much I could use a moral boost and how much I just miss him... a saw a cute bird video of a small bird bathing in a sink... and I wanted to send it to him.
I scrolled past it, since I’m not suppose to contact him at all, but my heart broke at the thought that he might not see it.
So I sent it.
Because I miss him and I know it will make him smile.
Gods I miss him. It’s not even been a week.
I know it will get easier... and when it doesn’t bother me at all, then I can actually reach back out.
- patient
- kind
-assertive
- good communicator
- likes similar music
- is witchy (faerie witchy preferred)
- gets along with the important people in my life
- aesthetically pleasing
- lives within 30 minutes of me
- confidence, not arrogant
- likes cats
- kink positive
- must be able to make me laugh
- ambitious but not greedy —> driven
- romantic
- passionate about something that they do —> supportive of other passions
-maternal/paternal --> good with kids and very nurturing
- PLAYFUL
- protective... i want them to make me feel safe.
- academic/scholarly
- strong enough to pick me up
- desire to grow individually and together —> no stagnation
*need to sort desired vs mandatory
shorts:
- kisses in the dark/morning cuddles
-tantric sex/"active cuddling"
- singing loudly to music (at home and in the car)
- them singing to me while cuddling/going to sleep
- slow dancing together at home
- camping and ecstatic dance in nature
- spells and partying with group
- making offerings to the fae together
- goofing off while running errands
- homecooked meals and movie marathons
- being held as i go to sleep and waking up still in their arms.
- bobby dates.... them reading while i write for hours.... keeping eachother inspired.
- “moral boosts” throughout the day.
An offer was made and I decided I would explore the idea of being with someone else physically...
I figured I’d start out slow.
Cuddles and kisses to start...
But as these things go it progressed. I was surprised at how quickly though and was caught a little off guard.
Everything was different. And when it came time to ... actually go through with it... I couldn’t.
Granted everything had felt nice but... there was no actual arousal.
I also just... don’t think I’m ready.
Kissing is one thing. Skin to skin cuddling is one thing.. he’ll even sexual touching is one thing.
I don’t know if I can have sex with someone else yet.
I crave the sexual energy that comes before hand. I love for foreplay. Kissing is one of my favorite pastimes...
But I don’t actually crave sex. The only reason I did it with Jimmie was because I loved him .. I don’t know if I can have sex without love.
I’d get my business degree and get a decent job.
I found the person I wanted to spend my life with, the companion to always have and count on, someone who meant I wouldn’t ever be alone again.
We were going to move west... possibly Oregon.
Have children and raise them to be independent warriors who could survive anything.
I’d have a extended family I actually felt accepted by.
We make plans and the gods laugh.
I’m alone. The world is dark and scary again. Where there once was light and warmth is now cold shadow. And I just want to curl into a ball and cry within its shade.
I’m alone.
Again.
I was foolish for ever believing it would end differently.
If i didn't love him so much then trying to get over him would be easier.
If i didn't love him so much then the idea of going forward with no contact at all wouldn't make me want to tear my heart out of my chest.
If i didn't love him so much then I wouldn't be this pathetic mess that i am.
Logically i understand he wants time to be single and figure out who he is when he is alone.
Emotionally I dont understand why the things he says he needs to work on can't be worked on if he is in a relationship. Space is needed, for sure... but i don't understand why he has to be single to deal with his stuff.
Some of the stuff he needs to work on will take years.
Some of the stuff... I don't see how hes working on it at all.
There is no clear ending to this... no clear goal or way to estimate how long it will be to reach a vague goal.
The situation is very clear: the man i am in love with doesn't want a relationship with me.
Never in the past have i lowered myself to pine for someone I could not have. never.
I accepted the fact and moved on.
But not this time.
Why?
Why am i doing this to myself?
I say that i'm open to the idea of dating someone else but i can't make myself interested in other people. In fact, I secretly resent those who have confessed to having feelings for me...
I don't want their love. I want his.
But he does't have any he can give/spare because hes working on himself.
I get it. Logically.
I can't truly empathize because i don't understand not being able to do both. But that just means that we are at different levels in maturity and emotional depth...
and its not fair.
I shouldn't be the one who only gives love.
I have this intense loneliness an frankly i don't see how people can have unrequited love and not go mad.
And if this was truly 100% unrequited then i could move on... but he says he loves me. I don't think he does but until its proven i don't think my heart can let go.
and it hurts.
It hurts so fucking badly.
"if you love each other then why does a label matter?"
security. whats the difference between holding a cable vs holding raw wires? they are the same thing at their core... only one is safe and the other hurts.
He has gone from being the most reliable and steadfast source of comfort and peace in my life to being what brings me the most pain... and i must be a fucking masochist because i can't stay away.
If i was smart i would cut him out of my life. completely. block him on everything. never talk about him. delete every single photo of him that i have.
But thats ridiculous. The idea of cutting him out of my life for good makes me want to jump from a bridge.
but i can't even bring myself to remove him from my lock screen.
I'm just this pathetic girl hung up on her ex with no relief in sight.
I want to see him, all the time... I want to see his family... i want to see his friends. I want to be his family...
- intrusive thoughts: nightmares and survival thoughts during the day --> whattriggers them?
- try to understand why people cause fear/suspicion/paranoia after the fact, work on UNDERSTANDING the emotional response. was it the person's body language? why did i feel vulnerable? what is it? someone coming behind you? your thoughts - racing thoughts and situations? how pften, time of day, etc.
look for common themes and triggers.
Homework:
---> track symptoms:
- intrusive thoughts
- irrational irritability/temper/hyperarousal
- track fiona's thoughts influences (3 or above)
---->self care/relaxation:
- make a bed-time routine --> wash face morning and night, reflect, skin care, etc.
Not devastated like I was right after the breakup.
Not numb or neutral like I was off and on.
What he wanted has begun to pass; we are fading back to nothing more than friends.
And it makes me sad.
I’m sad that this is what he wanted.
I’m sad that I have to let go of everything.
The hopes and visions for the future.
I have to throw my entire future plans in the trash.
It makes me sad.
Sad that I’ll forever be in a lower place when I meet his family.
I’ve lost the chance to be part of that family.
I’ve lost the respect of his father completely.
Ive lost the chance to be friends with the rusnacks.
I’ll just become another number to all of them.
Just another ex.
It makes me sad.
So sad that I don’t think I want to face any of them ever again.
Yeah they’re going dormant. It wouldn’t hurt as much if they were gone.
I’m trying to make them go dormant as fast as I can.
And it’s working.
Just not fast enough.
The other times I saw him I felt nothing. It was like I was just chilling with a friend.
I went to go visit Bia and he was home (oh that’s right, update: Jimmie has Bia now) and it was okay at first. I was loving on Bia and watching tv while he was doing homework. But I felt my feelings bubble up and so I went to leave... and I wanted to kiss him goodbye so bad.
I didn’t.
But I wanted to.
My romantic feelings for jimmie are fading into dormancy (and once dormant may actually disappear over a long enough period of time) just... they’re not all gone.
The feelings are paler, weaker, but still kind of there. Give it another few days, maybe a week or two and I’ll have it all bottled and buried and we’ll be actual friends again.
He’ll have what he wanted and I won’t hurt anymore.
I wish there was a word for how I feel towards Jimmie right now.
It’s somewhere between “falling” and “ parison & wine”.
“I don’t love you, I always will”
And
“I can’t help falling out of love with you”.
I don’t think I’m necessarily falling out of love with him in the way that suggests there can never be a future there... but a falling out of love in which the love has grown paler. Like a flower slowly wilting, it’s petals drying up and curling in on themselves.
To be truly in love with someone requires a level of trust that... I just don’t have with him. I love him in general. But I don’t know if I can say that I’m in love with him. I don’t think I am. Not right now at least.
When he spoke of life together in the future after the break up it would give me a sense of hope. Now it almost irritates me because it feels like lies and lip service.
How odd... to go from seeing a future with marriage and kids with someone... to this. This pale and cold thing. A shriveled up rose, the life force slowly fading after being severed from the source. I don’t know if I should feel shame or not.
Perhaps pride.
I feel like I should be proud of myself for not hanging onto someone who doesn’t want the same things as me. I should feel proud of myself for not fixating on an unachievable goal. I’ve felt a distance growing for a while now.. a lack of intimacy between us in general. A lack of trust.
He use to be my person. My go to. My comfort. The person I could tell, and show, and share everything. My lover. My closest friend.
Now he’s not.
He is a friend. Which is what he wanted, so he’s at least hit one goal.
And Perhaps he may remain a part time lover when the mood strikes and the other is willing.
It’s weird too, this situation of trust and the lack their if. I’ve always trusted people with my heart and mind, but never my body. For the first time I have someone I trust with my body but not my heart and mind. It.. almost hurts. the absence of trust and intimacy that once was there has left a hallow hole..
I just hope it doesn’t abscess and fester.
I love him. I think I always will. But I can’t say that I’m in love with him anymore, even though I want to be, and still kind of hope to be again.
I want to be again.
I do.
But I honestly doubt it is in the future for me.
With the way things are and the direction they are heading... it would take so much work and I don’t foresee it being achieved or even truly desired by both parties.
Is it weird to say I feel like I’m mourning the loss of my feelings for him? They have been with me over the past several years, and at the forefront of my mind for the past 2.75. I feel their loss and the empty space left behind as clearly as I felt an empty bed for the first time after the breakup.
I don’t know what to do to fill the whole.
It aches.
nothing lasts forever in this life, all things are temporary. This is one of the universal rules, one of the noble truths of life. to accept this, is to ease suffering.
nothing lasts forever....
not a happy relationship.
or a sense of peace.
not a good job
or a peaceful home to come back to.
No sense of security will last
and neither will the uncertainty that comes after.
The time of having so much will leave,
but it also means the pain of loss will do the same.
eventually.
My time of secure living has ended.
I once again dread having to come home,
and i live in my room.
The atmosphere is tense and unpleasant.
I do not feel safe and secure in my own "home"
for it does not feel like a home.
I almost think i would take living with D again over Ana.
My time with Bia has ended.
She will be much happier with Jimmie.
He will be much happier moving forward, with her there to comfort and soothe him.
I wonder if she will miss me at all, the way she missed him when i moved out.
My relationship with jimmie ended.
Our uncertain but more or less pleasant time of limbo ended.
and now... i think my feelings for him are joining the list.
They are either going dormant out of self preservation, (just like what happened with jake the first time we broke up) or they are leaving for good... which is usually what happens when someone is unattainable - i don't go after things i know i can't have.
- I wonder if now that ive given him one of my cats he will fade from my life the way Mary/Maude did. the occasional hello. a message or meme here and there.
My time at bistro is coming to a close.
in about 10 months the restaurant will close and I must find another job.
I doubt it will be a ob where i am as respected and valued as i am here.
I will miss the undershoots. Miss the freedom. Miss the coworkers.
My degree is all new and uncertain.
Gone are the times of paper writing and abstract thinking of the social sciences...
now are the times of math and frustration.
There is no longer room for perspective - there are only clean cut right ad wrong answers.
My life is nothing but unease and uncertainty now.
The only comfort is that like the good times before this,
these hard times are only temporary.
I mean... its lonely, sure, but a different kind of loney, compared to when i was whole heartedly missing him. The only time is becomes actually hard is when i drink.
I can do this.
Two days of sleep overs and cuddles... And i'm fine. Made it without tears or too much pain. Just... have to be distant.
it’s so sad when you see a picture, just from a year ago... and it breaks your heart.
I looked so relaxed. So happy. So secure and loved and at ease.
A year ago I knew no matter what I at least had a respite from the chaos of the world. A solid comfort. A safe place and a safe person. I wasn’t alone in the world.
As stressed as everything could make me, I had someone and something that could soothe me.
About how other people have viewed us and say we act like we’re back together;
I tell him how jessy gave me guy advice and told me that with Jimmie saying “I love you” it meant we would be fine...
I mention how our past/current? Relationship was pretty much the best one I had ever had...
we kind of joked about the offers I’ve gotten from people, and he joked about getting a “hoe” so that I would leave him for good to be with someone richer. (But that meant he knows for sure if another girl were to enter into the situation I would be gone gone.)
I indicate that I don’t really know how to refer to what we are ... and he makes a comment.
A. super. Frustrating. Comment.
“I mean we pretty much are still dating, just not exclusively” and then he adds “and I’m too lazy to go out and do anything...” and jokes about how I’m easily obtainable.
This statement is frustrating in many levels.
- I know the last part of his statement was a joke... but it bothered me. He has on more than one occasion told me that he doesn’t hang out with me just for the sex. In fact he’s made it clear he didn’t want sex several times we’ve hung out. But I can’t help but think how his statement would be different if I wasn’t sleeping with him at all.
-and if he isn’t looking or interested in dating other people... and I’m not looking to or interested in dating other people... WHY AREN'T WE EXCLUSIVE? It’s not like i live with him anymore. He has all the space he could want. He has total Vito power to invites to hang out.
I swear I never thought I would relate to the “I know there are other fish in the sea but I want that goofy salmon with the fear of commitment” meme so much.
But he’s right. We aren’t exclusive. Maybe I should start taking people up on their offers...
Dillin lives just around the corner. Dillon lives an hour or so away but he’s pagan and we can talk witchy things when we hang out. John’s been wanting to hang out again too.
Just because they all are different from him doesn’t mean they’re bad. Dillin has already proven he’s respectful of boundaries, so I know if I need to back out or stop it would be fine.
