temporary

nothing lasts forever in this life, all things are temporary. This is one of the universal rules, one of the noble truths of life. to accept this, is to ease suffering.

nothing lasts forever....
not a happy relationship.
or a sense of peace.
not a good job
or a peaceful home to come back to.
No sense of security will last
and neither will the uncertainty that comes after.
The time of having so much will leave,
but it also means the pain of loss will do the same.
eventually.

My time of secure living has ended.
I once again dread having to come home,
and i live in my room.
The atmosphere is tense and unpleasant.
I do not feel safe and secure in my own "home"
for it does not feel like a home.
I almost think i would take living with D again over Ana.

My time with Bia has ended.
She will be much happier with Jimmie.
He will be much happier moving forward, with her there to comfort and soothe him.
I wonder if she will miss me at all, the way she missed him when i moved out.

My relationship with jimmie ended.
Our uncertain but more or less pleasant time of limbo ended.
and now... i think my feelings for him are joining the list.
They are either going dormant out of self preservation, (just like what happened with jake the first time we broke up) or they are leaving for good... which is usually what happens when someone is unattainable - i don't go after things i know i can't have.

- I wonder if now that ive given him one of my cats he will fade from my life the way Mary/Maude did. the occasional hello. a message or meme here and there.

My time at bistro is coming to a close.
in about 10 months the restaurant will close and I must find another job.
I doubt it will be a ob where i am as respected and valued as i am here.
I will miss the undershoots. Miss the freedom. Miss the coworkers.

My degree is all new and uncertain.
Gone are the times of paper writing and abstract thinking of the social sciences...
now are the times of math and frustration.
There is no longer room for perspective - there are only clean cut right ad wrong answers.

My life is nothing but unease and uncertainty now.
The only comfort is that like the good times before this,
these hard times are only temporary.