Stuck

Jimmie realized I unfriended him and asked me about it.
His first thought was that he had no chance to ever get back together with me in the future...

And I wanted to fucking scream.

WHEN THE HELL WOULD THAT FUCKING BE.

I can’t be content with wishful and hypothetical thinking.
It’s just fucking empty words.
Fucking air.
Words and maybes and “in the future” it’s all just fucking air.

Why should I fucking torture myself until he just decides he’s ready to not be single anymore.
I will not live my life on the ever changing whims of a man.
He is not safe and secure like I thought.

If he can go from “I’m in love with you”  to being perfectly fine with just friends then he didn’t not love me like I thought he did. Like he said he did.

And goddamn right he should miss me.
I’m a great fucking person and a great partner.
And he threw it away because he wanted to be single.

Well until seeing or hearing his fucking name doesn’t feel like a goddamn knife stab in my heart he can be single without me in his life.

And I have bad new for him. Once I’m over someone completely... generally there’s no reversing it.
Besides. Even if he were to message me tomorrow and say he made a mistake and wants to get back together

Why the hell would I trust him?
How long has he been out of love with me before he decided to push me to break up with him?
How would I be able to trust that he wouldn’t decide he wants to be single again another so years in?

I can’t trust him with my heart.
But I can’t give my heart to anyone else because he still fucking has it.

And he said he didn’t think I was stuck on him.

Then what the hell would you fucking call it.

It took me two years to get over Jake.
I designed a fucking engagement ring for Jimmie.
How long is this one going to take to heal?