"I'm so lonely. You're not wrong... I am lost in the storm. I can't see past the dark clouds and I don't have my usual light houses to guide me through." The hot water continued to rain down on us and I was grateful, I was unsure if I could have met her eyes without the curtain of steam in the air.
"What helped you before?" Her voice was soft, caring without the tang of pity that I had expected.
"My gods. Even when I was lonely and lost back in my world, I knew I would be okay because I had them with me." I felt the sting of hot water in my eye. "Without them with me here, I have never felt so alone."
I felt a comforting hand on my back, I gave a small grateful smile in her directions, as she lathered my shoulders with soap.
After a moment she spoke, her voice lighter, "Tell me about them. Maybe your gods are here, but wear a different name!"
I glanced over my shoulder, hesitant but hopeful.
"Well... Theres a goddess, I see her as a goddess of prosperity and abundance, but she is a harvest goddess. Mother of the goddess of spring, and it was supposedly because of her that crops could not grow during the winter. Whenever resources were scarce she kept me fed and helped me find the funds to keep going."
"We have a goddess of prosperity, but she is of the spring herself." Raven's voice was thoughtful, "tell me more."
"I had a god of writing and knowledge that helped me in school. There was a 'dark' god who's name ironically meant 'bringer of light' that was very supportive of me and gave me the illumination of knowledge whenever I was doubtful. There was a cat like goddess of protection. An animalistic god who was about both chaos and balance, life and death via the hunt, and he really helped me stay true to myself and embrace my inner nature that I was scared to show." I paused when Raven made a small noise of recognition, but when she didn't say anything I continued.
"Then there were the two dark goddesses I loved dearly. There was one who was a queen, she was all about stepping up into leadership, taking control, and owning up to my mistakes. Then there was...I can only describe her as divine feminine rage. She was all about personal power, sex, freedom from the control of others, breaking the rules and honoring the parts of myself that I was told were bad by others." I Paused again when Raven made a small sound, but she continued to bathe behind me without a word.
"There were light goddesses as well. My patron back home was a triple goddess - she was a goddess of creative energy and magic, healing, and fire. She was a blacksmith, her fire lit the forge as well as the home hearth. She is probably why I am as kind as I am. She was my biggest guide. She is actually who lead me to the other light goddess that helped me with my ptsd...er... she helped me when the ghosts of my trauma haunted me. She was a love goddess, a goddess of beauty, a healing goddess - especially to people who knew sexual violence, and she was a fae."
"What was her name?" Raven cut in, her tone made my pulse jump.
"Aine." I whispered, my breath catching in my throat.
"She's in our world. She isn't worshiped as a goddess, but she is uh... I'm not sure how to explain it. She is Physically in our world, she has a body - unlike our gods she does not need to possess someone to walk amongst us." I felt two strong hands grip my shoulds and turn me around, Raven's smile was infectious. "You're goddess is a living being here. Ancient, ageless, but living. I can take you to see her!"
Despite the hot water raining down on us my entire body was instantly covered in goosebumps. Even if it was just one, one of my goddesses was alive in this world. Aine. For a moment the years she helped me heal and the abusive relationships she saw me through flashed before my eyes. Would she recognize me?
"As for the others... we have gods that cover similar areas, but none that I know fit the exact descriptions. That being said there is one god in particular you should meet; and lucky for you... I know his high priest."
My head was still buzzing at the thought of meeting Aine I felt like I was floating, my voice sounded far away when I asked "Who is he?"
"Our Black God, he is a god of magic, chaos and madness, hidden truths, and dreams." There was a undertone to her words that brought me back into my body.
"Are you scared of him?" I asked, intrigued.
"We have dark gods... the Red God of war, the Grey god of the dead... but the Black God is perhaps the most fearsome. He is unpredictable, but something tells me that based on a few of your deities back home you may find comfort in him. If I had to sum him up I would say he is the god of the taboo?"
The gooseflesh did not go down in the heat, I placed a hand to my throat, touching Lilith's sigil pendant. She would not be unnerved, and so as I have many times in my life, I would draw strength from her, even if she wasn't with me here.
"Lets do it. Take me to Aine. Take me to this.. Black God."
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