Reflections cont.

 So what is it I actually want in a partner? 

(I have also realized wording is important and so I have removed the word SIMILAR and put COMPATIBLE) 

1) Compatible values- goals in life, goals in relationship, priorities  (this is where spirituality/religion, relationship type, specific personality types, etc, comes in I think)

2) Nurturing/Kind - someone who genuinely looks out for those around them. Open mindedness and acceptance for others & genuinely wanting to know more/show appreciation.  This ties into the whole automatic sincere respect for others. (Which may be the difference between nice and kind to me, now that I’ve had it demonstrated.) 

3) Communicative - I need someone who will talk with me. Talk with me about anything and everything. Talk to me about their hobbies, ask me about mine, tell me about their work, talk to me about their feelings - joys, fears, frustrations, and successes. 

4) intimacy - this is way more than just sexual compatibility. This is about deep emotional connection. Being safe and feeling safe to be open and vulnerable and intimate gestures of trust and affection. (To me this is where kink comes in because kink to me is actually very intimate - regardless of whether it leads to sex or not.) physical and emotional intimacy. Closeness. Connection. 

5) beauty - this one is harder to explain. Sure there has to be a level of aesthetic attraction, I need to find my partner beautiful and I need them to find me likewise; but there’s more to it. Beauty is not necessarily what is projected to others but something shared. Theres beauty in the little things. Beauty in life and being able to appreciate it. Idk. I really don’t know how to explain this one but in my mind it makes sense.