DONE~

well i just finished my final exam.... it was supposed to take at least 2 hours. i finished in (8:25-9:50)so... an hour and 25 minutes! XD

and school gets out at 1:30 ish...i have about 3 hours to kill on the computer haha!

so i'll make a list of things to do :)

• get racheal's letters of recommendation from Mr. Scruggs
• pack 2 bathing suits, night clothes, medication, 2 dresses for sleep over
• smile :)

~peace

what can i say?

well, i'm not quite sure how i feel.  my best friend is seeing someone and i'm happy for him. i'm not jealous of her. i'm not angry or hurt.  my current focus on him is probably just because i'm lonely. i guess i am a little sad and jealous, but its not for romantic reasons... its because it means i won't get to see and talk to him as much. i already barely get to see and talk to him... i'm scared i'll loose him for good. i don't want to lose my best friend. i'm a junior in high school and the college i want to go to is  out of state... my time with him his running out. i don't want to loose my best friend...

:)

enjoying my day off :) woke up in a good mood, i feel pretty, and i don't have to worry about anything!
i have plans to go to the beach on thursday and i'm staying the night at a friends house tomorrow  after taking my last exam :)



on a weird nte, i dreamed about kissing my best friend. i know i've posted about him a lot latley, but i idk. wishful thinking i guess :) besides, he's been over me for a while now xD

rant ... be warned

...my little sister. when she doesn't get her way, everything is everyone else's fault. So when i don't want to get my shower before bed, i want to get it in the morning since i don't have school, she gets nasty. she sends me a rude message and then when i reply she gets snippy and uugh... she is such a brat.

although i apologized (not because i was wrong or because she wasn't being a brat, because we had been getting along fairly decent for once until now and i wanted to try and get past this) i get no reply. brat.

darn..

well.... Ashley isn't polythiestic like she said haha, but she thinks it is interesting.

optimistic...

hm.... talking to 2 girls online. Ashley and Allison. both go to the same school, both live in the same town as me. Allison is really sweet and fun to talk to. Ashley is polytheistic like me.... and she seems just down right cool.

hm.... i wonder what will happen? 'd love to keep talking to them :)

no i can't change...

"no i can't change..even if i tried.... even if i wanted to..."

well i want to. if i could change anything about myself it would be the fact that i'm homosexual. if i could, i would like guys... make me bisexual or pansexual.... but i don't want to be a lesbian.

in a perfect world i could be attracted to guys, i would date and marry my best friend jake, and i would live happily ever after.

in reality i love jake. and if i could be sexually attracted to him, i would still be with him. thats the only thing missing.... attraction. i love him. i could be in love with him.... i was at one point.

"no, i can't change...even if i tried" (i have) "..even if i wanted to" (i do)
....

~peace