sexxxxx

so, as i have just explained to a friend of mine: jake is not having sex with me. ever. or at least not any time soon.
when he needs anything like that, which he prolly won't say anything, then he can always call up his ex. their relationship was basically all physical, so why not?

he can have sex with her, and i would be totally fine with it.

i will not have sex with a guy. ever. unless, of coarse, to make a baby.

He's in the Dog house

So, jake has really pissed me off. (i'm am school. so again i have to improvise my writing) He was being a "Dick's Sporting Goods" to my sister Racheal. We got invited to Kasey's Mini Birthday party and we both wanted to go. Only, Jake said that Racheal would be a "bad fifth wheel", so . What we found out later was that racheal's boyfriend was also invited, only Jake didn't pass that fact on, so no we didn't know. meaning, racheal wouldn't have been a fifth wheel and wouldn't have been left out and could have come. Jake pretty much made sure racheal didn't feel welcome to come. Pansy move, jake.

So then, when Kasey and I confront him about that, he says that he was sure he had told her, and if not then he must have forgot.  I'm not sure, because i havn't read the message, but he might have sent it afterward, or kasey did, but it was too late for racheal to come because she had made plans. SO THEN when the jerk brings me home, he tells her "Sorry... not really". BUTTHOLE. DONKEY.

her feelings are really hurt. i am pissed.

and his excuse?
"i wanted to spend alone time with you" and that he is under "football stress". i don't give a flying flip. he hurt racheal. i am pissed. he is in the doghouse.

netflix

So, netflix has this new thing where households can have several people on one account. well, you have to go through the internet browser and connect on the website that way to do it. My laptop has a free nextflix app where i can watching instant movies and shows easily, no freezing nd no hassle. it doesn't have the separate accounts like on the wii. fuck. so i had to uninstall my app, and i have to watch MY instant que online, with pop-ups, tabs showing, page freezing, and slow connection. great.

Tired and unloading.

i am so tired. more tired than i have been in a long time. I have so much to do, so much to worry about, so much stress, and all i want to do is curl up and sleep. I don't care about school or hanging out with friends, i just want to sleep. sleep. sleep. sleep.

Yesterday i was so tired that half way through my match, i was so tired my arms quite working right and many of my shots went into the net because it didn't have enough strength in it. tired. i went home, showred, ate,did the dishes, then went to bed.

Several things could have caused this: i havn't been sleeping the best latley, i didn't eat that much yesterday, stress, and not listening to my spirit. When the spirit is out of balance or if a chakra is blocked then fatigue is a symptom. The solar plexus/sacral chakra is the one that leads to fatigue. The sacral chakra is the one that is connected to Creativity, Sexuality, Relationships, and Pleasure. (i havn't been that creative lately, i have no sex drive, i have been distant from my boyfriend, and i am now pretty numb to everthing at the moment)This goes along with what i believe is causing my spirit to be unbalanced.

Jake. We have been going out almost two months now. since realizing i am a lesbian, this is the longest relationship i have been in with a guy. I am craving female companionship and interactions. i think if i were to hook up with a girl, (not have sex with, just a really good make-out session?) then i would feel better. Of course jake would not be OK with this.... which is the only reason i havn't seriously been looking. however, i i have naturally been looking for a girl. I have been looking in my dreams. I havn't Lezed out yet, but if i continue like this, it is only a matter of time.

It is affecting my physically now. My imbalance.
i want to be with jake. my body and spirit don't. reality wants me to grow up and go to college, get a job, etc;my mind and spitit don't want to.

i have anxiety.stress.now i am encredibly tired. i am getting hot and cold flashes. i don't want to be near jake. but i love him. i am so tired tat i can't even think right now.
~peace

milk

so...today...at lunch... i had a sip of sour milk..... it tasted horrible....and now i have a feeling, that i might....uh... how do i say it...

lolololololol not that badly, but yeah. i feel like my guts are filled with..idk....icky stuff and



the floodgates are late

so....my abdomin and guts feel like crap :/

Old Man Tree by Omnia

I met a man who was a tree
Did I see him or he see me?
Standing there majestically
Tree and me...

The smell of sun on autumn leaves
He said take good care of all you see
Praise the earth down on your knees
That's what the old man sang to me

He sang
Heya Heya Heya
Heya Heya heya
Hey Hey Hey Heya
Heya Hey

Life left you a broken boy, man
To fight the war an angry young man
Now it's time to be a shaman
Take these wings and learn to fly man

I lost my grip and took a trip
On a magic mushroom rocket ship
Rode the waves and didn't flip
The rainbow-flavoured astral trip

Heya Heya Heya
Heya Heya heya
Hey Hey Hey Heya
Heya Hey

The words they flow like melody
Through gnarly old man/tree and me
From root to bone from him to me
Just like the river to the sea
Now I am he as tree is me
And I'm not here and so is he
'Cause in my mind I'm always free
Just like tree that sang to me


The first shall never be the last
There is no future and no past
Put brother Flame to sister Grass
Let's celebrate the Pagan mass

Heya Heya Heya
Heya Heya heya
Hey Hey Hey Heya
Heya Hey 2x

The words they flow like melody
Through gnarly old man/tree and me
From root to bone from him to me
Just like the river to the sea
Now I am he as tree is me
And I'm not here and so is he
'Cause in my mind I'm always free
Just like the tree that sang to me

Heya Heya Heya
Heya Heya heya
Hey Hey Hey Heya
Heya Hey 2x

Heey

she returrns!!!

Ashley messaged me out of the lue. we sent one email to eachother, and she never replied. guess where she contacted me?  FACEBOOK oh yeah~ now i can talk to her all the time! :D