2 years

It’s been two years since Carson died. I realized this at 10:30 pm. I almost missed it.

I still have regrets.

I hadn’t talked to him in months.

But I thought about him.

What if I had reached out to him?

Would that have stopped him?

I thought about him recently. But didn’t realize it was coming up.

I almost missed it.

I hope his soul is doing well, wherever it is.

There. Made it all the way through this without crying.


I miss him.

You never really realize how much you miss someone, until they are gone.  Even friends you almost never talk to.  You know they are out there.

Until they aren’t.

Tell those friends how you feel.

Reach out when they cross your mind.

Don’t miss your chance.. because you never know when the chance won’t come again.

I miss him.


Shit.

Not going to cry.

Aine

• https://www.ancient-origins.net/myths-legends/aine-radiant-celtic-goddess-love-summer-and-sovereignty-007097
• https://feminismandreligion.com/2013/07/31/aine-summer-goddess-of-love-light-and-fertility-by-judith-shaw/
• http://goddessschool.com/projects/AvalonRaine/FPL2Aine.html

she was also the first leanan sidhe 

https://solostinlife.wordpress.com/what-is-a-lianhan-sidhe/

http://www.angelfire.com/journal/ofapoet/aine.html

https://thecelticjourney.wordpress.com/2013/04/17/aine/

like legit.... 

She is everything i would think a faerie goddess would be. She makes me think of home... I really think connecting with her will really help me. emotionally. physically. spiritually. 

She... i really want to be with her. 

grad school

i'm excited.

i'm meeting with the graduate director thursday.

I don't have to take the GRE or MAT.

my GPA was high enough to where i qualify to waive out of it.

Classes to take:


I REQUIRED:

• Modern Sociological Theory
• Research Methods and Design
• Statistics
• Multivariate Techniques and Analysis

II ELECTIVE OPTIONS

*pick 4

• Environment and Society, 
• Social Movements, 
• Immigration, 
• Aging and Health, 
• Gender Roles, 
• Social Inequality and Diversity, 
• Family, 
• Population, 
• Social Issues in Regional Development, 
• Qualitative Methods, 
• Society and Coastal Policy

III THESIS, PRACTICUM, 4 ADDITIONAL CLASSES

• Thesis... something to do with sexuality, possibly asexuality. 
• practicum... kind of like an internship... or TEACHING?
• additional classes: capstone and 3 electives 5000+

and they practically have it planed for you

http://www.ecu.edu/cs-cas/soci/degree-programs.cfm


COST
http://www.ecu.edu/cs-acad/financial/ECU-Estimated-Cost-of-Attendance.cfm

HOLD THE PHONE

HOLD THE PHONE EVERYBODY I JUST GOT A TEXT THAT COULD CHANGE EVERYTHING



I don't need to take the GRE to get an MA in Sociology..... and Dr. Knox would most definitely take me as a graduate assistant......


this sounds fantastic.

and i'll just look up what courses i need to gt a certificate or two in accounting and use up all of my electives in accounting.


Guys. I might be going to grad school.

Pitt or ECU

So I’ve been trying to get things in order to go back to school... pitt for accounting.

Pitt is cheaper and it would probably only take me a year of schooling to get an associates in accounting.

But...

I could probably get more funding to go to ECU.... just the owl grant would go to Pitt...  it ECU has the owl grant, the ECU grabt, and the UNC grant...


So I’m going to apply to both.
See which one will provide the most financial refund, and go from there.

If I go back to ECU I might even double major (since I don’t have to take those pesky basic classes) in accounting and sociology (since I took most of my electives in sociology anyway).

Granted part of this comes from my desire to stay with what is familiar to me. I love ECU. I know ECU.

And part of me would love to say “yeah my twin graduated from West Point.... and I have 3 degrees.”

Maybe then people will actually be proud of me.

Conclusion

Everything is okay.
Everything has been worked through and, at least I believe,  we are all on the same page.

I think everything is fine.

On to the next thing that comes I guess?

Update

I snuck back in and slept under the bed. I got some Smokey cuddles and woke up ready to talk to Jimmie about what happened.

Only I woke up to Diana and Cory seriously shit talking me.
Naturally my body did what it always does when it feels attacked: fight or flight.
I knew I was headed for an anxiety attack so I had to get away from everyone because there is a chance I could respond aggressively before the total lapse of emotional control.

I tried to get out as fast as I could.... but of coarse Cory - who apparently had plenty of shit to talk - made a comment about me running away again.

I informed him I was leaving so that I didn’t attack anybody.

It wasn’t a threat it was a statement of why I was leaving the place.  It was an aggressive response because of my anxiety attack.  Especially at him. He was practically telling Jimmie to break up with me.

So I leave, have my panic attack, come back and talk to Jimmie like I had intended to.
He and I are fine.

I am livid with Diana and Cory. The intensity they were shut talking was stunning. They apparently have these grievances with me and don’t bring them up to me.... instead theyvtrash talk. And yet I’m the one who can’t communicate?

Also apparently I’m weird in that all attacks, verbal and non verbal alike, trigger a physical fight or flight teflex. Jimmie says that’s not normal?
And I’m also weird in that I don’t shit talk the way they do? Like most of what they were saying would be shut I would have said to them in a simple conversation.

They also thought that I went to brooks and Amy to talk shit about Jimmie last night. I didn’t. I explained why I was distraught and simply lates down the whole time. Then I went home.

So now I have to talk to them. I didn’t have issues with them before but I sure as hell do now.


I’ve already talked to Jimmie about what I feel the best coarse of action is. He disagrees. Depending on how these next few conversations go will depend on how this situation will end.