So i think I need to go to therapy... I have a lot I need to sort out about myself and work through but I think I need someone's help to do it.
the hard part is finding someone who I can trust and who won't be judgmental. A portion of what i need help working through is spiritual and I am not in the mood to have to defend my spiritual beliefs.
but I need to reclaim a sense of self - apparently I don't really have one.
I need to learn how to be unconditional love again and let go of pain - which i honestly don't know how to do.
I also need to get rid of the lingering anxiety of corrie's relationship... i'm tired of having anxiety attacks when i'm trying to be intimate with jimmie.
Thursday, February 7, 2019
Last of the week schedule
Thursday: do all of thursday's work. will take all 4 hours.
Friday: Do the power point for online presentation. r start Wednesday's work (only 85 pages via pdf on blackboard).
Sat: do the voice over for presentation and submit. do some reading . Work on papers.
Monday: finish reading for Wed. and write analysis
Friday: Do the power point for online presentation. r start Wednesday's work (only 85 pages via pdf on blackboard).
Sat: do the voice over for presentation and submit. do some reading . Work on papers.
Monday: finish reading for Wed. and write analysis
Tuesday, February 5, 2019
candle spell notes
Alex - healing
Lisa - spirituality
Both cory’s and D’s cracked and broke... cory’s More so...
for some reason the spell didn’t want to take for them.
The base candle has been done, I need to move onto colors now.
Lisa - purple, lavender, yellow, silver, gold, black
Alex - blue, light blue, orange, yellow, black
Each color is to be burned by itself and the next one layered on top.
Black at the very top so it’s the first to be burned: protection, repels negativity vity
Lisa - spirituality
Both cory’s and D’s cracked and broke... cory’s More so...
for some reason the spell didn’t want to take for them.
The base candle has been done, I need to move onto colors now.
Lisa - purple, lavender, yellow, silver, gold, black
Alex - blue, light blue, orange, yellow, black
Each color is to be burned by itself and the next one layered on top.
Black at the very top so it’s the first to be burned: protection, repels negativity vity
Sunday, February 3, 2019
Reading schedule new
OKAY SO.
thursday's work is going to be a fuckton. will probably take more than the 4 hours on thursday i ahev... so:
Today is sunday; I have read up to chapter
Monday i need to get up super fucking early and finish the book; no lunch break with jimmie because he will be gone all day - but i have that luncheon i can go to if i want... Don't really see the point in it though since i don't need to get close to the professors since i'm leaving the program.
Tuesday I can get up early and write the analysis; get up at 8:45 when jimmie leaves.... write the analysis and probably finish by 10-11. Do the first thursday assignment - have lunch with jimmie - start reading the shorter of the Thursday readings. Go to work.
Wed. Work on posters while in the lab. come home and watch an episode of something to relax. start reading the long article... jesus that gonna kill me. meet jimmie for lunch. come home read more of the article. go to work.
Thursday: if article still isn't finished then finish it. do the written assignment. Do monday's work.
Friday: Do the power point for online presentation. google how to add a voice ove.r start wednesday's work. (unsure of how long and how to distribute reading allotments because the reading will be provided on blacboard but are not currently up there)
Sat: do the voice over for presentation and submit. do some reading . Work on papers.
Monday: finish reading
and repeat this over and over.
thursday's work is going to be a fuckton. will probably take more than the 4 hours on thursday i ahev... so:
Today is sunday; I have read up to chapter
Monday i need to get up super fucking early and finish the book; no lunch break with jimmie because he will be gone all day - but i have that luncheon i can go to if i want... Don't really see the point in it though since i don't need to get close to the professors since i'm leaving the program.
Tuesday I can get up early and write the analysis; get up at 8:45 when jimmie leaves.... write the analysis and probably finish by 10-11. Do the first thursday assignment - have lunch with jimmie - start reading the shorter of the Thursday readings. Go to work.
Wed. Work on posters while in the lab. come home and watch an episode of something to relax. start reading the long article... jesus that gonna kill me. meet jimmie for lunch. come home read more of the article. go to work.
Thursday: if article still isn't finished then finish it. do the written assignment. Do monday's work.
Friday: Do the power point for online presentation. google how to add a voice ove.r start wednesday's work. (unsure of how long and how to distribute reading allotments because the reading will be provided on blacboard but are not currently up there)
Sat: do the voice over for presentation and submit. do some reading . Work on papers.
Monday: finish reading
and repeat this over and over.
Saturday, February 2, 2019
Withdrawal part 1.
I want to withdraw from grad school. Right now.
I thought I would be able to last the semester but I was already struggling to keep up...
This past Thursday took so long to finish that it put me behind on Monday’s work which in turn put me behind on Wednesday’s work.
And now he has added even more work which will take even longer.
I feel like I can’t win.
But I can’t withdraw.
It’s too late for me to withdraw and receive any refunds for my tuition.
I need the assistantship to help pay back the loan I took out.
That is the sole reason I am staying te in the program for the remainder of the semester.
I just pray I can do it and not ruin my academic record with bad grades.
I thought I would be able to last the semester but I was already struggling to keep up...
This past Thursday took so long to finish that it put me behind on Monday’s work which in turn put me behind on Wednesday’s work.
And now he has added even more work which will take even longer.
I feel like I can’t win.
But I can’t withdraw.
It’s too late for me to withdraw and receive any refunds for my tuition.
I need the assistantship to help pay back the loan I took out.
That is the sole reason I am staying te in the program for the remainder of the semester.
I just pray I can do it and not ruin my academic record with bad grades.
have a mentioned?
Have i mentioned how much i hate grad school?
The thought of doing this shit for another 3 months makes me want to gauge my eyes out.
I am so fucking fed up with it all and its only been a single goddamned month.
The thought of doing this shit for another 3 months makes me want to gauge my eyes out.
I am so fucking fed up with it all and its only been a single goddamned month.
Friday, February 1, 2019
reading....
okay so all my work has taken more time than i thought it would this week, so i am a bit behind.
I have 317 pages to read and summarize.
I have an hour today, tomorrow, Monday and Tuesday. - a;though Tuesday i like to have pretty much finished and just like to write the analysis and then start on thursday work.
So i alway s read the book 50% online summary and 50% book so that i can get furthure along faster but i still write my own version of the summary with more detail.
there is no grade saver summary by chapter but i found another one:
https://www.litcharts.com/lit/the-round-house/summary
so:
Today - Friday - read up to page 57 (up to chapter 4) - bring the book to work, write summary when get home.
Saturday - 108 (up to chapter 6)
Monday - 285 (up to chapter 11
Tuesday - 317 & analysis
important to note the professor commented on my first paper i wrote (after i had already turned in the third) and said it was okay to keep it to 4 pages (vs the 10-12 i have been turning in)
so my summary doesn't have to be as detailed anymore
i am also definitely going to use themes from this book for my first project.
https://www.apnews.com/cb6efc4ec93e4e92900ec99ccbcb7e05
https://www.usnews.com/news/us/articles/2018-11-14/report-cites-weak-reporting-on-missing-killed-native-women
https://publicintegrity.org/federal-politics/murdered-and-missing-native-american-women-challenge-police-and-courts/
one of those i will use for the discussian board and one of those i will use for my presentation
I have 317 pages to read and summarize.
I have an hour today, tomorrow, Monday and Tuesday. - a;though Tuesday i like to have pretty much finished and just like to write the analysis and then start on thursday work.
So i alway s read the book 50% online summary and 50% book so that i can get furthure along faster but i still write my own version of the summary with more detail.
there is no grade saver summary by chapter but i found another one:
https://www.litcharts.com/lit/the-round-house/summary
so:
Today - Friday - read up to page 57 (up to chapter 4) - bring the book to work, write summary when get home.
Saturday - 108 (up to chapter 6)
Monday - 285 (up to chapter 11
Tuesday - 317 & analysis
important to note the professor commented on my first paper i wrote (after i had already turned in the third) and said it was okay to keep it to 4 pages (vs the 10-12 i have been turning in)
so my summary doesn't have to be as detailed anymore
i am also definitely going to use themes from this book for my first project.
https://www.apnews.com/cb6efc4ec93e4e92900ec99ccbcb7e05
https://www.usnews.com/news/us/articles/2018-11-14/report-cites-weak-reporting-on-missing-killed-native-women
https://publicintegrity.org/federal-politics/murdered-and-missing-native-american-women-challenge-police-and-courts/
one of those i will use for the discussian board and one of those i will use for my presentation
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