Books

Okay so I have been craving jounral/ writing meditation/work books. Ever since I gave up going to church, the only part of that I have missed (other than community) was the reflective journaling.

well.

Lucy Cavandish has some. I am super excited. She also has 2 other books I really want to check out.


Books to buy from Lucy Cavandish

https://www.lucycavendish.com.au/index.php/the-magick-shop#!/Faery-Magic/p/2736819/category=0

- "The book takes a gentle approach, encouraging the reader to seek out what works best for them, whilst providing a basic knowledge."

-"As with the rest of the book the authors manage to avoid being preachy and instead encourage you to think for yourself and find a way that best suits you."

https://www.lucycavendish.com.au/index.php/the-magick-shop#!/The-Seven-Gifts-Of-Faery/p/2736799/category=0

https://www.lucycavendish.com.au/index.php/the-magick-shop#!/Faery-A-Journal-of-Enchantment/p/88001430/category=0

https://www.lucycavendish.com.au/index.php/the-magick-shop#!/The-Mermaids-Mirror-A-Journal-for-Reflection-Deep-Healing-and-Emotional-Freedom/p/88001432/category=0

Incubation

Okay so I spoke with my host, all 7 including SG. Pretty much I am headed into a time of stillness, not stasis, but inner workings. I'm entering a time of chrysalis, of incubation. I need to throw off the rigid thinking and teachings of "the right way" and the "traditional way" and embrace magic and working with the fae the same way I did when I first started out. All intent and sincere based, with less worry about "rules" and more concern about the energy and drive.

I've lately gotten caught up in trying to make sure my spells and such are all done at the right time, rather than just doing them. I'm trying to make sure they are formal and have all the right ingredients and such when I should be more worried about the fuel, rather than the ingredients. 

It's time for me to embrace and reteach myself the simple magic that I used to do... because it was a hell of a lot better than what I'm doing now. I used to be so good at spellcraft and coming up with spells, but i'm not usually the best at actually going through them... because my spell craft isn't physical (other than basic candle spells). 

Looking back.... My original spells that I would do were bardic. They were well thought out and charged poems that would move and weave my intent into a spell. The most powerful spells i have ever done... were in my head, crafted and molded with the energy building and then released... through song. Music brings me awen, I can feel the magic there and I really feel like moving forward I need to practice with that rather than trying to be a "proper" witch. 

I need to start dancing more, to find a place for my ecstatic dance and movement. (somewhere private where i don't have to worry about downstairs neighbors). I need to start saying good night to my host again, every night. I need to start writing poetry again and read it to them. I need to start using poetry to manifest what it is I want and what I want to remove. 

I'm a Bard and my words have power. 

Spells don't have to have a physical component (although writing them down is a must for me, at least for the time). 

I need this time to shed the skin of what i thought i HAD to do to be a proper witch and pagan and develop what has been inside me from the very beginning that i was in touch with before I started more formal "learning". 

I will know when this time of regrowth is over and when to use the magic outward, a sign will come to me. For now my magic will be focused on myself. I need to pay attention to every little facet and detail. Remove ANYTHING that doesn't build me up or tears me down at all. Invest in things that make me happy. Filter my thoughts and intentions. Start weaving a new and improved self. Less illusion and imitation and more pure unpolluted manifestation of spirit. 

Time is not linear. It is not a steady march forward, it is a cycle and a never ending circle. The past and present and future are all  aligned and lately have been introducing me to the things of my past to re-address them and do things differently. It has brought me back to my beginning only now I am confident and have a better understanding of my magic. I know what gifts I have dormant within me. 

I have my present will and knowledge, going back to the past's methods, to manifest a more powerful and sure self to come out from this time of incubation. I look forward to the butterfly who will emerge from the chrysalis. 

Full Moon in Sag

Tonight's full moon is in sagittarius.

I am foregoing joining Viking Boy and his family tonight and after work will be getting into witchy mode.

This full moon...

- going to push you to expand your knowledge base and what you need to do to be the best version of yourself possible -- self improvement 

-spark really in depth and intense talks in relationships (check, especially over the past few days and last night with VB)

-restless energy (double check)

- Good time to wipe the slate clean... cut any chords needed.

-The vibe is impulsive and tense, and the solution is creativity, patience, and empathy.

https://www.allure.com/story/full-moon-lunar-eclipse-sagittarius

^ good article. 

- Candle spell for the removal of toxicity. (Dead to me by Mealnie Martinez)

- Draw sigil and transfer to a white candle for protection and healing of protestors

- Body cleansing: bergamot, clove, lemon, rosemary, and saffron - take an herbal bath. Facemask. Oil up. (Listen to Hozier playlist)_ 

- Readings:

     - General and ask faerie blessings what lesson or blessing she should pay attention to

           ^ Amy, Cecil, Emily, Aaron?

     - Ask about self improvement with dracon fae, fae forest, and finally with the big spread faerie oracle. 

- Host Roll Call once the faerie portal has been opened - new offering to be placed on altar. 

- MIGHT do a mermaid reading tonight? I know its meant to be on new moons but i'll just read it as beginning. 

“Retreat”

Not only does Mab support my decision not to go on the “spiritual retreat”, but she actively does not want me to go. So that is my two spiritual/religious goddesses supporting me and on the same page.

I feel validated by my goddesses, which is a nice feeling.

Mab/Maeve Dream Messages

Okay so I've had a nagging thought in the back of my mind that theres a bunch of readings i have been putting off and last night Mab/Maeve called me out on it. She also said that I don't need to delve into my native heritage, i have my home in the celtic world. What I already have is enough.

so time to catch up.

1. Host Roll Call - use faerie oracle cards for the host to identify themselves - 1 card each. greet and record any new members. 
2. While I have the fae oracle out - What do I need to be on the look out for/What do I need to be aware of moving forward?
3. General reading Amy
4. General Reading Cecil
5. Do another Brigid cross with the same question for the fae, since her last reading has already come to pass. 
6. I need to do an animal medicine reading on myself. 
7. Need to pull crone stones see if Maeve/Mab has anything else to say about the direction I am going. - Pull from her Tarot Deck as well?
8. I guess i can use her Tarot to answer how she is feeling about me not going on the retreat? Its supposedly a big spell, so maybe she would care that i'm not going? Brigid is fine with it and I even think Brigid orchestrated my non-involvement last time. I don't think Mab will have an issue with it, but since it was mentioned in the dream in passing, I might as well ask her cards (she said the dream wasn't about that through pendulum tho). 

----------------------------

If the "retreat" magic spell trip is involved its her telling me to get over my anxiety at not going. 

I made the choice, I stick by the choice, the goddess I was supposed to work with supports the choice, so why the hell am I anxious? Because I want to please others too much and I need to depend on my backbone and not try to make others happy at the cost of my own mental health. 

^Don't know where that came from... Maybe I should pick automated writing again... 

Black Lives Matter

Okay so...

I am so torn up with everything that's going on. 

While I myself don't *personally* believe in riots and mass destruction I understand that this is what's needed. 

Peaceful protests are too easy to ignore and write off.  A mild annoyance to those in charge. The bigger the protests the more attention they bring. The riots... bring the message home. And honestly... it's not really the protesters who make it violent. If the cops didn't start the aggression then the anger wouldn't explode and the rioting wouldn't be as bad. 

But this isn't going away. Every death added to the list adds to the anger at the injustice. Before the anger would rise and be placated over time...  but i don't think thats the case this time. This has been a long time coming and I truly think this is the second wave of the civil rights movement. And sadly real change only comes after shows of violence.... hitting where its impossible to ignore. 

It really does make me think of the tower tarot card. Shit is about to get ROUGH for everyone. The system (tower) has to come down so it can be rebuilt. 

-All the cops presently working should be vetted and gone over with a fine tooth comb. Racists should be fired. Any with a history of excessive force should be suspended, investigated, and fired. -When a trial involving a black person goes to court, there should be more black people present in the jury - they deserve to be tried in front of a jury of their peers. 

-Any judge affiliated with the KKK or white supremacy in any way should be stripped of power. (on that note anyone who is a known Klansman should be arrested for domestic terrorism)  

- The last should be applied to ALL industry leaders including health and political. 

The system is shoddy, skewed, and unfair. Police as a whole need to be retrained and the process to become a police officer needs to be a hell of a lot harder and with psych evaluations and social media checks. It's too easy to be a cop and cops have too much power.  A citizen who witnesses police brutality should be able to intervene without fear of punishment. I know that not all cops are bad. But any cop who witnesses another use excessive force or abuse their power and does nothing is just as bad as the perpetrator. Unfortunately, while i KNOW good cops are out there.... they are outnumbered. 

This all needs to change and peace is not the way to do it. It all needs to come down and be rebuilt. Its not comfortable. People are getting hurt on all fronts, by both protestors, posers, and police. Chain stores should be the only targets but unfortunately local businesses are being hit too. Some may never recover. But Material things are not worth more than the lives that have been lost and the lives that will continue to be lost. 

This is really only the beginning... more innocent people will be hunted and targeted. Arrests will only grow more violent as anger mounts on all sides. Something has got to give eventually. I think this will be a problem for a while.... but I think as time goes on and as more and more "bad apples" come to light eventually the wicked will be weeded out. The riots complicate things because they can get out of hand so easily... but they also wouldn't be started if it wasn't for aggressive and unnecessary police force and white supremacists. Sooner or later it will be learned that this isn't ending until everyone is tired of fighting and ready to listen and work together to fix the problem.

people aren't wrong when they say that we should all be coming together and moving forward.... but until the other side has grown exhausted of the fight, they won't be willing. We have to go through the growing pains and chaos before we can finally reach the peaceful conclusion... although I do think that is where this will end. It could be months. I fearfully think it could be years. But something's gotta give... the tower will come down... and then TOGETHER we can build a new one. 

Omen

I came to work today and there in the middle of the sidewalk was a dead crow. I instantly thought of it as an omen... only here's the rub. There are several meanings to it. 

1) You have lost the ability to see/speak the truth/your truth. 

2) The end of bad things and the beginning of all things new and good.

3) It represents metaphysical death and change/ the release of something. 

4) Lost ability in the craft. 

I'm not sure if its a personal omen or a societal omen. 

will do reading when I get home. See what Maeve and Brigid have to say.