Reflection from Class tonight

Prompt 1) How does the concept of (re)membering and understanding of self resonate with what you have learned about spiritual direction? Where do you see differences? 

Spiritual direction is about helping other people connect with the divine and see how the divine moves in their lives. This is different for all people - for me I believe the heart of it is sacred authenticity. For some people this type of ancestor work is healing, it helps them access their sacred authenticity because it restores power and energy and life into them. If this is something that they are seeking it is a very important aspect and powerful tool for spiritual direction. 

Prompt Two: How does the idea that Black/African descended people, particularly Black women, have a set of knowledges and ways of being that are instructional for all humanity sit with you?

Absolutely. I believe that black women are powerfully intune with the divine. They possess enherent gifts given to them by their ancestors and through their hard work of reclaiming their power they set a striving example to everyone else. There is a reason where I come from everyone talks about how if a man were to call them honey or sugar, they would be up in arms, but the moment its from a black woman it bring elation. There is something powerful and sacred about the love and power found in black women that if others are willing, they can learn a lot from. 

 

Electo Divina - (re)membering

 (Re)membering. --> "we have had to continuously construct ourselves anew"

This word is such a challenge for me. Its about remembering the culture and ways and knowledge of our ancestors, even if we are disconnected from their ways now as a way or (re)claiming and (re)shaping ourselves. 

It pisses me off. There is such a pressure and expectation for us who have been taken away from the ways of our ancestors to reclaim and remember. I feel the loss of the culture but I do not feel a call to return to it. I do not feel the inclination to remember. I spoke with my ancestors and while they love me and what was passed on to me stays with me, they confirmed I am not meant to reclaim and remember what is lost. 

the past is the past and I can only move forward. My past is broken. It is not forgotten, it is broken, it is blocked from me.  

So what do I feel with this? frustration. anger. defensiveness. There is such an expectation that I should WANT to remember the ancient secrets of my past heritage that I feel I am defective or I may be seen as defective for not having this want. Everyone sees this as healing work and I feel almost rejected by my ancestors - but I am not. They accept me as I am and they have no expectation of me to search the past - instead it is they who help me explore the future. 

outline for ancestor paper

 Abstract: This autobiographical essay serves as a means to explore and reflect on identity, spiritual legacy, and cultural heritage centered around self examination and an interview with my mother and sister. Influenced by Cynthia Dillard’s framework of “(re)membering” I examine how spiritual knowledge has been passed down in my family through acts of ritual and spiritual philosophy. Although I experience discomfort when approaching ancestor work, upon reflection for this essay I began to recognize examples of spiritual legacy that have been passed down from my Grandmother, a practicing Native American Medicine woman, through my mother, unto my sisters and I. Through embodiment practices that I have cultivated, such as drumming and prayer, I have come to understand ancestor work not as reclaiming the past but as building a relationship in the present. By examining this topic through the lens of (re)search, (re)cognizing, and (re)claiming, this essay shows how spiritual legacy survives through lived practices, embodiment, and direct contact with one’s ancestors. 

Key Words: (re)membering, (re)claiming, animism, embodiment, ancestor communication, reciprocity, spiritual inheritance, shadowwork, genealogy, 

Outline:

Introduction: Discomfort and why (issues with identity), what the our lineage is, who I chose to interview and why, realizing that spiritual legacy is not always about reclaiming one’s culture and identity but rather lived practices.  Dividing the paper into 2 parts; the Native american and the irish. 

Part 1: Native American: explain our connection to the Abnaki tribe and why this information was stolen from us. Explain how my Grandmother, as an adult, found teachers and reintroduced herself into the culture. She taught my mom. My mom taught us, although my sister remembers it differently - saying she recalls it coming directly from my grandmother. Mom was raised Catholic and through my grandmother later in life? On her own? We were raised with the fundamentals of Indigenous faith and then taken from it when we moved to NC and raised in the baptist church. This influenced both my sister and I in different ways. Enter Sister interview - which mixes secular, native, and some christian perspectives as she does not identify as christian but acknowledges the influence of it. Add in anything from my mom’s interview as well. 

Part 2: Irish: explain our irish roots and how my mom believes this is where our spiritual gifts come from - “our gifts come from our fathers people but my mothers people taught us how to use them”. This is the lineage I felt more at home in, although I know almost nothing about modern irish culture. Explain the Geneology my mom has been doing and her connection to the Irish part of our line. Explain how this ultimatley reinforced my pagan path. While Irish deities were not my first guides, they are where I found the most familiarity. Talk about my faerie faith - distinctly Irish and Scottish.

Part 3: My reflection: This is where I will reflect on how I view ancestor work - through building relationship, not reclaiming culture that I feel I have no right to claim. I am too white and siconnected to try to reclaim my native lineage - although I claim the bloodline. I am too american to seek community and identity with Irish heritage. I am a mut and feel I have no home. My ancestors are vague but supportive, and like my sister I can only go off faith. For the longest time I doubted our Native herritage completely until I had a spiritual experience in which my ancestors protected me - after that I had no doubt... but even my ancestors confirmed the Native Culture was not for me in this life. I needed to persue my Irish roots more... but I feel like I don't know where to start and ultimatley there is a lot of searching the past. I agree with my sister the past has too many holes, I want to build a future instead. I do this through lived practices. This is where I talk about my artifacts and embodiment - The drum (both ancestors) and earrings (Native), cleansing ceremonies (native), prayer (both), faerie faith (irish), and bardic witchcraft (Irish perspective). conclusion: I do not like going too deep into ancestor work because most of the time there is a focus about reclaiming the past. I do not feel the need to do that, as a large portion revolves around reclaiming identity. My mom and my sister have a strong identity rooted in our lineage - I do not. But, like my sister I am rebuilding with using myself as ground zero, and like my sister my beliefs will probably die with me (from her interview). In the meantime I will do ancestor work through remembering specific practices and incorporating them, as a means of maintaining my living connection with my ancestors. I will forever feel this hole inside me, but it is as much a part of me as my actual bloodlines.

Sacred Thread - Facilitator Bio

Title: Mystic and Sacred Authenticity Facilitator

Pixie Sawyer is a mystic whose vocation centers on helping others reconnect with their personal power, embodied presence, and fostering the connection between the sacredness within one's soul with the sacred web of world around them. While her personal practice is rooted in animism and polytheism, she relates to the Sacred as the ground beneath all existence, something experienced through relationship, nature, creativity, and the movements of the heart.

Her work centers on sacred authenticity, with a special focus on glamour magic as an intentional expression of one’s inner essence. Pixie approaches this practice through embodiment and energy work, allowing for one to embrace their reality with lived confidence and joy. She emphasizes embodiment, self-understanding, personal sovereignty, and creative expression rather than expertise or authority. This work is collaborative, honoring each person’s pace, inviting exploration without pressure and growth without expectation. 

Her offerings include guided meditations and ecstatic journeys, co-creation workshops to explore the divine self, and creating warm, grounded spaces for reflection and connection. Lisa is currently training in spiritual companionship and will soon offer one-on-one presence-based support for individuals moving through transition, seeking deeper spiritual meaning, or longing for a more authentic relationship with themselves and the world.

Drawing from academic study in religion and folklore along with many years of lived spiritual practice, Pixie aims to help others notice the sacred threads already present in their hearts, weave those threads into a tapestry that reveals their inner beauty, strength, and love for life. 

mock up ideas for smokey tattoo

 i'm torn between realism and fine line abstract. These are just mock ups i would show the tattoos artist for her to do in her own style. 

I think I might actually go for optoin 3 

I am wondering if she would be willing to look into an option combining option 3 and option 2 in her own style vs just option 3. 

A Letter from Smokey.

 

Smokey — A Poetic Tribute

Mom,

I walked with you through so much life,
and I always knew where home was—
in your arms,
against your heartbeat,
in the quiet space between your breaths.

I felt your love in every moment:
in the nights you held me,
in the way you watched over my aging body,
in the gentleness you showed
even when your heart was breaking.

I wasn’t afraid.
Not once.
I trusted you to the very end.

You honored my dignity.
You kept my world soft.
You gave me peace
when I could no longer keep it for myself.

And now I stay with you
in the warmth you remember,
in the echo of my purr in your chest,
in every place we ever rested together.

Love doesn’t disappear,
Mom.
It just changes shape.

I’m still yours.
Always.

— Smokey

Life update.

 Charlie and I move into our new apartment in 33 days. 

We have 3 kittens - Maui, Banshee, and Valkyrie.

As of Friday February 27th 2026…. Smokey is gone. 

His kidney failure has progressed to where he was throwing up constantly and was in pain. So I had to make the very hard decision to say goodbye. He went to sleep on a good day. 

I am struggling. 

Snow is sad and needing extra love. She wears her heart on her sleeves. I think this is her first death and I know she misses him. 

Humu is grieving more subtly. He sleeps on the bed regularly now. He is a lot more open to affection. 

The kittens probably aren’t even aware. I think Banshee is. I think she was sent to me to help me process Smokey’s loss. 

I want to love them all. But I bounce between disassociatingly numb and overwhelming grief. I’m going through the motions but I don’t know how much I can give them all.