(Re)membering. --> "we have had to continuously construct ourselves anew"
This word is such a challenge for me. Its about remembering the culture and ways and knowledge of our ancestors, even if we are disconnected from their ways now as a way or (re)claiming and (re)shaping ourselves.
It pisses me off. There is such a pressure and expectation for us who have been taken away from the ways of our ancestors to reclaim and remember. I feel the loss of the culture but I do not feel a call to return to it. I do not feel the inclination to remember. I spoke with my ancestors and while they love me and what was passed on to me stays with me, they confirmed I am not meant to reclaim and remember what is lost.
the past is the past and I can only move forward. My past is broken. It is not forgotten, it is broken, it is blocked from me.
So what do I feel with this? frustration. anger. defensiveness. There is such an expectation that I should WANT to remember the ancient secrets of my past heritage that I feel I am defective or I may be seen as defective for not having this want. Everyone sees this as healing work and I feel almost rejected by my ancestors - but I am not. They accept me as I am and they have no expectation of me to search the past - instead it is they who help me explore the future.
No comments:
Post a Comment