bye bye elisi

well, my grandmother came to town wendsday and it was great.... only yesterday she and my mom had some issues and my mom blew up and broke somethings. so this morning she left. .... today is friday, she was going to leave monday.

now, i am isapointed in my mom for loosing her temper like that... but to be honest.. she had a good reason to be mad. my grandmother aparently spent the money she was going to give us to help get past a tough spot financially. but my mom blew up over something small..... so really it just sucks.

and to top it off, she didn't know my grandma was leaving. she actually left without saying good by to my mom. if my mom had known, maybe she would have apologized.... again. it all sucks.

not mad at anyone. a little sad.

feeling better

well i am feeling even better! only a mild head ache, deep cough (they hurt :/ ), stuffy nose, and i'm still getting hot and cold flashes! but i'm still in a good mood and i don't actually feel BAD.

Plus i actually slept pretty good last night. no nightmares or intense dreams, and i woke up with one of my cats (sweet pea) laying with me.

hopefully this cough will stop seeing as i just hacked up some phlegm that was practically solid from what felt like the bottom of my lungs... so hopefully that is the last of it!!


and Thoth be with me, i have my first final exam today >.<!!!

to do

so.... i've been distant latley. spiritually distant. and i want to fix that.

so here is my to do list:

• meditate 5 minutes every day (then move to 10)
• start writing poems again
• start writing to my spirit guide again
• start making a list of things to research 
• start updating my BOS
• get some crystals

looking better!

So.. now all i have left of me being sick are hot/cold flashes, stuffy/runny nose, and a cough. fever broke. finally. yay.

and Mckenzie, someone i really look up to, i mentioned her in another post a little while ago. i believe it was called "fine.", she held me and tried to warm me up today at lunch when i was having a cold flash :3
and she let me cuddle up to her during 3rd period <3. i think i look up to her in a maternal sort of way.

anyway... starting to feel better :)

~peace

memorial day weekend

well this weekend has been pretty fair :) i got to see my best friend and spend the whole day with him. (which makes me make a little... rant?no... side thought here) I didn't get sunburned and i had a blast! i got to make a new friend and my little sister got t have a day out which is something she has been needing.  this was sunday.

Saturday we did our detailed and full forced spring cleaning. the house looks amazing now.

however, my throat started hurting friday night, saturday it felt like i drank acid, sunday it was sore but tolerable, sunday night i couldn't stop coughing o i kind of felt like i could breathe fire, and now i can swallow with only slight irritation in the throat. i do however want to cough ever 10 seconds.

since yesterday my nose has been horrible, i can barley breathe (except this morning... i can finally breath but i smell mucus with every breathe and it makes me cough), my nose has been stuffed up AND runny AT THE SAME TIME  and not all around my nostrils are raw and painful.

i have hld a constant low grade fever although it is slowly moving up. through this weekend i have had around (idk if i can remember them to the exact point)  98.9, 98.7, 99, 99.4, 100.5.

and i feel... like i have cotton and lead for limbs. weird, but thats hw i feel. soon i will become pretty brainless, as that is what usually happens when i'm sick, and will feel like i have cotton for brains.

oh and this is one unfortunate thing for me when i'm sick: when i'm sick i want to cuddle with everyone, but no one wants to cuddle with me. except my cat.

dspite being sic, i have thoroughly enjoyed my weekend.

***side note
all day sunday jake and kit (another really good guy friend) kind of took care of me. it was nice. for some reason i was pretty much freezing the whole day so kt let me have is jacket and his heavy duty towel which kept me warm after swimming in FREEZING COLD WATER. kit would always wait for me or walk with m when i was slower than everyone else ad when kit didn't, jake would.

on the ride back home jake sacrificed his pina-colatta drink (it was virgin, so no worries) because he knew that coconut sooths sore throats. pretty much whenever i coughed jake would look at me and be like "lisa is dying!" jokingly, but i know he was a bit worried. just a bit.

that is something i really want in a partner. someone who will take care of me when i'm sick like that. to be honest.... if jake was a girl, then she would be perfect. he is perfect as he is to be my best friend... but i really wan my partner to be a lot like jake. funny, good with kids, caring, protective, smart, ambitious, patient, kind...

Driving

let me tell you a little something about me and driving. we don't mix.
when i drive i get very nervous and anxious... my mind can't focus properly on all the things its supposed to. if i'm paying attention to where i'm supposed to go, i don't see the light change color. if i'm focusing on the cars around me, i can't focus on where i'm going. i don't remember how to get to places. i struggle to stay in my lane..... driving and i go together like water and oil.

then there are the dreams...

whenever i am driving in a dream it is always chaotic. i never have control of the vehicle and i usually end up going against on comming traffic at high speeds. i swerve and try to take control but it fails.

the other driving dreams i have involve me going throug a certain traffic light that i have to go through to get home from my best friend's hpuse. In the dream when i get there, the light is red, but i can't stop. my breaks don't work and i run the light and get in an accident and die.

i have had the brakes dream many many times.


driving scares me. i know i'm going to die in a car accident, but thats not why t scares me. I'm not affraid to die. but i get anxious and nervous and tense and my mind freaks out everytime i'm behind the wheel. yet.... i'm 17 and i still only have my permit. i havn't driven in a year... i have to get a job this summer and then i have to get my licence. i'm screwed.

peace corp

The Peace Corps is a volunteer program run by the United States government. The stated mission of the Peace Corps includes three goals: providing technical assistance; helping people outside the United States to understand American culture; and helping Americans to understand the cultures of other countries. The work is generally related to social and economic development. Each program participant, a Peace Corps Volunteer, is an American citizen, typically with a college degree, who works abroad for a period of 24 months after three months of training. Volunteers work with governments, schools, non-profit organizations, non-government organizations, and entrepreneurs in education, hunger, business, information technology, agriculture, and the environment. After 24 months of service, volunteers can request an extension of service.

i'm thinking about joining the peace corp after i get out of college if i can't find a good job. i want to help build homes and schools, maybe teach? i think i would enjoy teaching america about other cultures they don't understand.... i want to make a difference for someone.  I want my life to be worth living. i want it to mean something.