if only....

"You see, sometimes I'm good. Oh, I'm very good. But sometimes I'm bad. But only as bad as I wanna be. Freedom is power. To live a life untamed and unafraid is the gift that I've been given" - Cat Woman

to-do list for monday

• read Culture sketches pg 79-97
• fight some more with masteringgeology.com

pirate update

so... since my first day as a pirate:

• LGBT office is awesome.
• Anthropology classes are awsome
• chick at LGBT office MIGHT come with me to faerieCon... Carrie i think is her name.
• spanish 2 scares me, but i like the professor.
• access codes ar a bitch and expensive and might cause some issues right now.
• Bus system is confusing as hell and is in no way helpful to me. 
• i have no meal plan - every dime i send comes out of my pocket right now.
• i don't get my financial aid returns till 9/3
• i still need to take the drivers test again
• i still need to get a car
• i'm still stressed as fuck.

what i want to say to mom and Mary

You guys have put me in the middle for a long time now. i'm done. after hearing both sides for so long this is the only thing i can come up with. Apologize. Both of you. Neither of you feels you did wrong. Both of you are Hurt. Apologizing isn't admitting defeat or saying that you are wrong. Its saying you value the person more than your own ego.  Both of you aren't good at communicating. Mary - you're typing leads to confusion and when mom is sincerely asking what you mean, you think she is being mean. she isn't. mom when you were told that mary meant "leave IT alone" instead of "leave ME alone" (mary you simply typed "leave alone") you still continued to push Mary away. TALK to each other. LISTEN to each other.
apologize and get it over with. i'm done being in the middle and i'm done of being accused of taking sides. i am NEUTRAL. and i am DONE with this.

i am so fucking done

i am so fucking done.

i'm done with Cara.

• her anger.
• her attitude.
• the fact that now Cara doesn't even have enough respect for my mom to teat her any better than she treats me.
• how Mary sees Cara as just the helpless victim - Because she is finally being called out on her shit. 

I'm done with the drama between Mary and my mom.

• neither will apologize.
• both are in the wrong.
• both don't think they did any wrong.
• yes my mom is a debbie downer. no mary you are not some helpless victim. it takes 2 to tango.
• SOMEONE NEEDS TO APOLOGIZE. GROW UP. no one apologizes the friendship is over. that simple.
• i'm DONE with it.

Racheal was lucky enough to escape it all.

i love all of them i do. 

but to Mary because i sided with my mom about Cara's behavior, she thinks that means i have sided 100% with her on everything and that i want Mary out of my life. - NO.

STOP PUTTING WORDS IN MY MOUTH.

STOP PUTTING ME IN THE MIDDLE.

JUST STOP IT.

I'M DONE.

Pirate Palooza

so i go to pirate plooza tonight. by myself. knpwing no one. and 2 girls invite me to sit with them. so i hang out with them the whole time and here's the rub:

J - sweet, a little awkward, mexican - totally digs me.
Cass - a black version of Shane from L word - i kinda dig her, she doesn't seem too interested.

now shane...

• hot as hell.
• one night stands
• doesn't do relationships
• use 'em and loose 'em
• great friend

so, yeah. i proooooolly should't go there.

they seem cool :)

and wanna hang out.

"think i do" posters

ad these two:

pretty much. (witch doesn't apply to me YET)