Friday, December 30, 2016

More CD Track Lists

Breaking Benjamin
  1. Give me a Sign
  2. ^ Acoustic
  3. Diary of Jane
  4. ^Acoustic
  5. Blow me away - Valora
  6. Angels Fall
  7. Dance with the devil
  8. Ashes of Eden
  9. Failure
  10. Breathe
  11. So Cold
  12. Sooner or Later - eh
  13. Evil Angel
  14. Dear Agony
  15. Anthem of the Angels
  16. What Lies Beneath !!!
  17. unknown soldier
  18. Never Again
  19.  I will not Bow
  20.  Without you acoustic
Rock Love songs (did i already make this one?)
  1. Follow You - bring me the rhorizon
  2. the drug in me is you
  3. yours to hold
  4. cold by crossfade
  5. Right here staind
  6. hold on to me mayday parade
  7. The reason
  8. here without you
  9. Contemptress
  10. Heres to us - halestorm
  11. What if i was nothing
  12. Say You'll Haunt Me
  13. Shadows - Red
  14. Its been a while
  15. Halo 
  16. Black Roses Red
  17. Whispers in the Dark
  18. Swing life away - rise against
  19. Miles away 
  20. calling you - blue october

Friday, December 9, 2016

Asnwers

Astarte got me my answers.

I'm drunk.

I'm going to cry.

Then I'm going to sleep.

I'll blog tomorrow.

Thursday, December 8, 2016

Venus help me please!

I pray to the goddess of love, beauty, confidence, and self esteem.... She goes by many names: Inanna/Astarte/Ishtar, Aphrodite, Venus.....

I call her by different names depending on what aid i need of her.

Venus for romantic relationships.
Aphrodite for appearances and platonic relationships...
Astarte in general....

VENUS HELP ME PLEASE!


lately I have been "talking"/seeing a girl named Stacey. She seems to really like me and on my end its not as much... shes sweet and i like to ang out with her, but no romatnic feelings have emerged. Granted, that can sometimes take time. but... no, not really there.

She is coming to my birthday celebation tomorrow night.

Who else is coming? My crush.... Kris. yup people.... after a full semester of denial, that crush is still going strong.


Both women are coming and i'm freaking out......I will be drinking which = no poker face. Stacey is going to see that i like this other girl....

which means her feelings will be hurt.

I'm dreading that but at the same time? Hoping it happens.

It would allow the conversation of feelings to be brought forward between stacey and me, so that the unreciprocated-ness can come out. Plus it would clear the air about me liking another girl.

Granted..... this other girl won't give me the time of day...

which brings me to my next point....

For the first time since i accepted that things between us were pretty much done, I had a dream about her. Last night. And then i find out that she will be coming to my partying session? hmm...

I've always kinda daydreamed about me drinking and being able to use that excuse (being drunk) to ask her what made her lose interest in me.

Do i dare? Is it okay for me to pray for her to maybe bring it up? I know in reality neither of those things will happen.

But Astarte... Venus.... I really do need your help. In the past you have helped me when i had a specific request. Now i just really need your guidance....

I have a nieve hopeful outcome of tomorrow night.... Kris will drink, I will drink, we start talking.... and somehow it turns out there was simply a misunderstanding and she never lost interest in me. This leads to us going out.

that is my wish. I know it is not realisitic but there it is. Kris plans to be sober though so that ends there haha.

But what i need help on in a more realistic aspect is Stacey.... please let her see my interest in another and realize i'm not on the same level as she is in terms of affection. I don't want her to be hurt because she is a great girl and i love being around her and with her, but so far i don't see anything coming from this.

Venus please help me clear the air with stacey.
Venus if it is meant to be, please help me to reconnect with Kris.

These are my pleas. Please hear them. Please help me.



** tomorrow I need to light a candle, start a prayer to her "Beloved Venus, tender-hearted,
friend of those who seek love and beauty, please hear my prayer" and read this blog post outloud over the flame, in a physical prayer to her. ***


Wednesday, December 7, 2016

Grades for Fall - sp far


  • PE : 93   A-
  • Spanish: 81   B-
  • Motherhood of God: 
  • Psych of Rel:
  • Nonfiction:
  • Fiction: 

Tuesday, December 6, 2016

Portfolio Page for revisions

Dear Dr. Weiland,

Revising this short story was a lot harder than I planned. Although I like the idea of writing the murder scene from the Kelpie's point of view, I found it very hard to give the proper character development that the class wanted to see. As I usually do, I sat down and wrote the whole story in two sittings. I thought about what we talked about in class for revisions and found most weren't helpful. Already I was changing the point of view and knew which scene I needed to focus on, but I was unsure of how to start the scene and how to finish it. To be honest I was unsure of what to put in the middle as well.
In the original story, I wrote the scene very short and in third person omniscient. Because of this I needn't go into much detail, merely summarizing the event. I did this because in my mind this event wasn't as much a scene for character development but served more as a catalyst for the relationship of the girl and the kelpie. Beforehand she avoided the river due to the Kelpie having killed her father, but after this new kill she rekindles her connection to the kelpie. The murder itself was almost insignificant to me. However since this is the particular scene that you and most of the class wanted me to focus on, I gave it my best shot.
It was very hard to write. Harder than I anticipated and I suffered from quite a bit of writer's block. It was only the hastily approaching deadline, one I gave myself in order to make myself actually write the story, that caused me to sit down and force it out. As is, I am very unsatisfied with the second draft. I don't feel it accurately describes the Kelpies fierce, loyal, and protective love for the girl. But in a moment which these things cause him to act, all he feels is rage. It is only afterward, after the girl begins to visit him again, that he realizes these feelings. He himself is unused to feeling such emotions and as such doesn't recognize them during the scene. I was unsure of how to write is and I can definitely tell it shows.
I know you said that you didn’t like it when people say they preferred their first draft, however I want to explain a bit about it. Although I really enjoyed my original story I agree that it did cover a long span of time, and understand why readers might feel the need for a more focused piece. At first I was thinking that the story would be considered magical realism because it’s magical but takes place in the real world. However I have come to realize that it is less like “A Very Old Man…” and more like “In the Company of Wolves”. I really like the style of a folktale/fairytale type short story, which is indeed meant to teach a lesson and entertain at the same time. It is meant to be told rather than experienced firsthand, which is why I chose third person; and I like the freedom to break rules and jump around in time when it comes to folk tales. However the consensus of the class shows that, that particular style, isn’t what the class wanted; therefore revisions needed to be made.
 I just worry that I didn't choose the correct part/section. However I had more than one reason for choosing this scene. There are only four scenes in which the girl and the kelpie interact with each other directly: their first meeting as a toddler, the death of the boyfriend, when her own son falls in the river, and her death. Out of all of those scenes, the most active one with the most interactions between them, is the boyfriend's death scene.

All in all, I'm dissatisfied with it, this draft, but I know I made the right decision in picking this particular scene. I made sure not to make it graphic or overly detailed in areas that would make readers uncomfortable. I did enjoy writing from his point of view though, as it was just like writing from a vigilante killer's point of view. In this draft the readers don't know that he regularly lures innocents to their deaths. I made only a single reference to his tendency to murder, and I know it can be easily overlooked. I do this because I want to mention his violent and homicidal urges - kelpies are NOT regularly friends of humanity. But, with this in mind, it shows the uniqueness of his love for the girl.
I will say the most disappointing thing about this version of the draft is the ending. It feels to cliche. But I couldn't think of another way to end it and simply went with what came to me. I did actually revise it at least twice during the hour or so after my original completion of it. I sent it to a few friends, one of whom helped me figure out where to add a few more details to make it better.
I would also like to take this time to say thank you to you. Throughout this course I have gotten a better appreciation for realistic fiction. Although it still is not my preferred genre to read or write, by reading my classmates, and soon your own, work I have come to realize that it can actually be quite interesting. Thank you also for your constant supply of patients and willingness to meet with me and help me with my writing – it means a lot. Thank you for helping me grow, and I look forward to seeing you next semester.
Much Love,
Lisa


P.S. I have to disagree with you about music and writing. I find that I usually HAVE to have music in order to write decently. For academic papers I listen to classical singing/opera and for fictional works I make a playlist that matches the characters and feel of the piece I work on. It helps me get into the mind of my characters and I write twice as fast. It acts less as a distraction and as more of a catalyst to my creativity ;)

Kelpie and the Girl rewritten

       I am instantly aware of her presence as she and her boyfriend lay upon my river's shores. I break the water's surface, inspecting the situation; it is unusual for her to come to my waters. It had been seven years since I killed her father, protecting her in a way she never knew - yet inspiring her anger, causing her to swear never to venture near me again. My ears twitched at the memory of the girl's mother begging for my help. My nostrils flared as I briefly remembered dragging the man under the water, and how feeble he was in comparison to my watery domain.
       My precious girl, was laying underneath the boy and I knew what they were doing. I look away and focus my hearing onto the party going on in the house further away to give them privacy until I hear her voice ring out - "No." Instantly I am moving closer to them, my hooves digging into the soft sand beneath my waters and my tail easing my closer to them. The boy is still on top of her, but now she is struggling against him. She makes a cry as his grip tightens around her arms and pin her down. At the sharp sound of her pain a rage settles into my bones and I charge.
      As I move I feel my entire body begin to vibrate. It is always unnerving, changing form. My tail splitting and forming legs, my new toes gripping the sand as I run towards them. My hooves turn into fists and I know that my face is now that of a human's. Usually the transformation is more than a little uncomfortable, but my body is numb as instincts take over. My precious girl, was in danger. The thought of the boy violating her nearly drove me mad as I sprinted at them.
     As I reach them I see that the boy, highly intoxicated , has her pinned down between his legs, one hand holder both of hers above her head and his free hand creeping down to... Not waiting, not thinking, I roar in complete rage and aggression, My new fist gripping the boy by the throat. I had to consciously make sure not to crush his larynx, I didn't want to kill him.... yet. His death would not be so swift. I force myself not to laugh as the pitiful thing's face began to turn red.... then purple.... and his eyes began to turn red as the blood vessels threatened to burst from the pressure building up. 
       I hear her gasp as she takes in her new surroundings. In front of her is a man she has never seen, and I can tell she is terrified. Her body, small - yet still that of a woman's, is stiff and shaking. I don't allow myself to fully take her in, lest she fear that I will take over where I had stopped the boy. I focus my eyes on my soon to be victim. My entire body is hot, my blood that like boiling water as I stare into his brown eyes. He reeks of alcohol, much in the same way that her father had. They both had the same look of realization when they realize that they are no longer the top predator; the familiar look of terror on their face. I smiled coldly, promising pain. I heard her whimper and without looking at her, lest she see the deadly joy and aggression I knew what was coming, I told her "Go back to the party child." She attempted to say something, but fear took her voice. I closed my eyes, forcing down the fiery rage, and bringing my fondness for her to the forefront of my mind. When I opened my eyes I turned to her and our eyes locked.
      As i stare into the girl's amber eyes i am reminded of the first time i saw her. She was but a toddler sitting in her mother's lap, wiggling her way to the edge of the boat, attempting to reach out to me. There was no fear on her innocent face as she smiled at me, begging her mother to let her pet me.

***

"Sure sweetie," the father said through his chuckles watching her reaching out to me, "But let's get to the shore first." He was a proud man, but I could smell the impurity of alcohol in his blood. The mother had a tight smile on her face, holding her daughter firmly. So this is the American she left Scotland for? I thought to myself in disgust. My keen eyes could detect a bruise on the the young woman's right cheek, underneath a layer of whatever facepaint she had applied to hide it. I felt a slow anger begin to dwell in my stomach. Turning my gaze back to the wiggling child, i could see no signs of harm. instead the father only smiled, although the smile fell a bit when he caught sight of his young wife's stern face.

"No." She said firmly. She turned the child to face her, holding the little face in both hands.  "You must never pet the black horse in the water. Kelpies are not nice." She looked deeply into the little pools of amber on the now pouting face, eyes that matched her own. She released the girl  satisfied that the child understood. The husband on the other hand, did not.

"What's the big deal?" He asked, his tone held slight irritation. My instincts told me his aggression was rising, mine began to match his. Although the young woman had abandoned her childhood home for this man, she had returned; returned to the home and returned to me. I felt heat rise into my eyes as i poised right behind him, ready to strike if he did. Unbeknownst to anyone on the canoe, beside the child who only smiled up at me, the wife spoke up. 

"When my father bought this land, he was told it was cursed," she said, her voice wavering, but continuing on. Although she could not see me, i had no doubt she could sense my presence, having felt it for the majority of her life. "Over twenty people had drowned in the river that ran across the property and no would go near it. So my parent being as superstitious as they were, did research and came to believe a Kelpie guarded the area." Her voice grew stronger, her eyes daring to leave her husband's face and look for me in the water's surface. She was looking to me for protection... I would give it if she only asked. 

"What is a Kelpie?" The husband asked, his tone implying she was foolish to believe in whater it was. Your worst nightmare, I thought in response. 

"Its a nature spirit.... a faerie of sorts." The husband snorted, interrupting her, but she continued on. Although it was clear she feared the man, "They appear as black horses and live in lakes or rivers. They are known drown people and eat them." At that the husband laughed outright, seeming unaware that his toddler was staring past him intently, smiling at the dark creature directly behind her father.

"Faeries? Don't tell me you believe in the-" He grunted as i bit one of the oars, almost ripping it from his grasp.  "Must have hit a rock...." He muttered. He looked at the alarm on hi wife's face. "What?"

"Don't disrespect them. My family owns this land, as such the kelpie is less inclined to harm us... but if you insult it then-" 

"Nothing." The husband cut her off, seemingly fed up with the conversation. Again, my aggression surged when i saw her flinch. His gaze was then drawn to the beautiful child as she tugged her mother's sleeve and pointed to me.

"The horsey is right behind daddy!" she said, scooting closer to her father, and raising her arms outstretched to me. I had half a mind to lower my head, to nozzle her small hand. Instead reveled in the fear etched in the the mother's and the shudder that ran through the pretentious man's body. They made it back to shore, with me right behind them, soaking up the precious smiles of the child. 

***
      That child was no longer smiling now. Her eyes now resembled that of her mother's eyes from that day past; wide and fearful. I yearn for those sweet times of hearing her laughter and receiving the smiles. She didn't understand the death of her father, so she blamed me and left me. The days of hearing her talk outloud to the river, not seeing me but knowing I was present, had ended with that accursed man's life. Now for the first time since she was little more than an infant, she was seeing me. I can see my reflection in her amber pools; as far as humans go I would not be considered unattractive. I have a strong jaw, deep blue eyes that on more than one occasion had helped me to lead unsuspecting women into the watery depths, and a mane of thick wavy black hair - black as the kelp she use to play in as a child.
      To my surprise I see realization dawn on her beautiful face. Her body instantly relaxes as she realizes that I am not a threat to her. Although she strains to keep her eyes on my face, trying to avoid my naked form, I can see relief begin to set in.
     "K-Kelpie?" She says, her voice little more than a whisper. This is the first time in seven years that she has addressed me. If i were in my original form my ears would have twitched with the pleasant sound of it. Instead, I give her a gentle smile and incline my head. Being recognized so quickly meant that she had not forgotten me, nor banished me from her thoughts the way she had threatened to seven years ago. My lip curled a bit as pride surges through my chest. Her eyes widen, shock and awe are clear. There were no more traces of fear, and I am puzzled at feeling pleased about it. She is the only human to dare be so close to me and feel no fear. She is the only human that need never fear me, this I know for fact. I mourned her parting those years ago, unlike when her mother left I never felt anger toward her. But just as with her mother, I have always been ready to receive her back into my protecting power. There was no doubt in my mind that after this night, I would have my precious child again.
      "Go back to the party child." I command, my voice firm but not threatening. She needn't see the punishment the boy knew i would be giving. Seeing her hesitate, she was looking between the wretched thing in my grip, who was starting to gasp as my grip slowly tightened, and back to me. She knew what was about to happen and as kind hearted as she is, I wonder if she is going to try to bargain for his life. Fighting the urge to end his life now with a simple flex of my fist, I hardened my eyes ending the dance hers had just been making. Once again our eyes were locked and I repeated the order.  Nodding, she shrank back, looking at my soon to be toy and to my surprise her own eyes mirrored mine - hard and unfeeling. With one last look to me, she turned and began to walk away.
       "Make it hurt." I was shocked as i heard her gentle voice whisper as her form retreated back to the loud music and dancing teenagers. Again, pride made its way through me. I had never seen her look as strong as she did in that moment, straightening her disheveled clothes and no longer the fearful victim, she had just commanded a kelpie. In any other human, I would have taken them beneath the water for the disrespect, but since the order comes from her lips, I can deny her nothing. The boy would die and it would be excruciating. More fun for me. 
          As soon as I could no longer see her, I returned my attention to the boy. I smile in satisfaction as he begins to cry and whimper like the pathetic quim he is. With a cruel but peaceful look, I easily break his leg and let him drop to the sand. I glance back at the party, pausing only long enough to make sure no one could hear his cries of pain. Then I slowly allow myself to transform back into my equestrian form before his eyes, his screams or terror are music to my ears. He turns and tries to crawl away before I sink my teeth into his shoulder and drag him into the cold crystal water of my river.
        His screams are cut off and turn into a beautiful cascade of bubbles. He wriggles in the water, and the terror is etched into his face. For a moment I debate letting him drown first, but think back to the request my precious girl made and decide to make him suffer. Pressing my forehead to his, I look him in the eyes before I grip his cheek in my teeth and begin to tear his skin from his skull. The pleasant taste of blood floods the water immediately surrounding us and all is red.


     They found his body two days later, farther down the river. The coroner claimed it a drowning caused by his intoxication and a possible fall into the river, although all were puzzled at what kind of animal had been eating him. I was pleased with my work, his carcass now matched the ugliness and contempt I felt for him. It wasn't long after that, my precious girl began to visit my river again. Like her ancestors before her, whom had struck a deal with me when they first settled into my territory, she was considered cursed by her peers. Her loneliness drove her back to me; and although I have yet to let her see me again, she continues to come and share her life with me. Our relationship started when she was but a wee babe, a curious fondness connecting the two of us blossomed. Then one death separated us. It is only fitting that another death should drive us back together, our new relationship only just beginning. 

Thursday, December 1, 2016

OGSD *updated

okay so heres where we are....

  1. Frankl Paper - Due at 10am
  2. Do the PE workout thing.. ew.. due Thurs
  3. Study for PE test 
  4. Read Bast Research and draw up an outline
  5. Fill in putline - write Bast paper - Due Dec 5
  6. Write Essay of Place - Due Dec 8th
  7. Write Kelpie short story - Due Dec 8th
Alright....

now to add:


  • Do Spanish review... due tomorrow....... oops - Exam on the 7th @ 5 - 7:30
  • Study for Psych Exam - exam on the 9th @ 8-10:30
  • Mak study guide for Bunger - due by the 9th - Exam on the 12th @ 11-1:30