viking boy

okay so i was at work and very rushed when i made that last blog post.

let me tell you more about viking boy.

1) he has a history and its not "nothing" but i am a firm believer that just because mistakes are made in the past, they shouldn't keep you from a happy future.
2) he is actively trying to make his life better and more stable, and i am all for that.
3) who tf doesn't have any baggage? I mean i'm still worried when the time comes for me to tell him about my baggage hes gonna run for the hills.

that aside....

OH MY GODS THIS BOY IS SO FUCKING CUTE.

- hes six feet tall with blue eyes and a killer smile.
- He has a beard, and while i am not overly fond of beards... he keeps his really well groomed. like... its actually soft.
- He adorns.... rings, necklaces, and eventually viking beads in his beard
- He's courageous and very protective
- He's a christian.... but to put it more accurately he is a budding pagan. Christianity doesn't really do it for him and he is really drawn into Odinism. But hes still in the starting baby steps of it... i remember when that was me.
-  hes a fucking gentleman. the first night he came to visit, even though it was kinda obvious we both wanted a good night kiss, he didn't go for it. When we have kissed/made out there was no groping.... he's.... so respectful.
- He seems perfectly fine with the idea of taking things slow.... like thanks to a game of truth or dare he knows i'm into bdsm and kink stuff, but when we were making out and he was hinting that he can be dominant he was so fucking GENTLE.

this man is strong. He could probably break me over his knee. Bare minimum toss me around like a wet noodle. he was so gentle that i almost couldn't even feel him kissing my neck. and while he may have had a hand around my throat there was no pressure, what so ever. even when we were... enthusiastic.. he was gentle and respectful.

but what made my toes curl was when i commented on how gentle he was being he said thats how it would stay "until you say otherwise". like. damn.

- He has kids. Well, he has a son and a niece, but hes like a father figure to the niece. His face lights up when he talks about them and he becomes to animated. Neither of them live close by and i can tell he misses them. When he talks about them.. i want to explode. so. cute.
- He's nerdy af - and when its just me and him he can be so goofy. i love it.

Now i'm 100% not jumping into anything and I will make a point to keep things slow... but there is potential for me to really like this boy.

Another good day- two in a row

Okay so barista boy didn’t work out. No buggy I didn’t have much of a vibe on him anyway.

Okay that love spell? I think it finally manifested. Because holy shit.

Insert Viking boy.

I was sitting down and thinking about the kind of guy I want ideally and to my surprise I half jokingly came to the conclusion of a Viking. So that night I half jokingly asked Aine to send me a Viking, told her it didn’t have to be something serious, just someone I could talk and actually have a connection with.

The next morning I woke up and matched with someone I had swiped right on because he looked like a young Ragnar (from Vikings). We have not stopped talking since. That was Monday. He spent all of yesterday with me, after visiting me during studying on Wednesday. He stayed the night with me last night and was a total gentleman.

Let’s just say... it was different but very enjoyable what little we did do. He was very gentle with me but kind of showed he had no problem being dominant.

I think he’s a total switch.
A rugged, gentle Viking trying to get over a dark past.
With chivalry.
And cute kids.
Omg I’m smitten.

good day

Today was a good day.

I encountered a drunken/high stranger this morning while doing my card readings that reminded me of an authentic hippy.

I decided to brave it and gave my number to the cute and sweet barista at starbucks near where i live and to my utter shock he texted me back. He's not spiritual at all from what i gather but he seems super cool and i'd be happy to have him as a friend if it turns out we aren't compatible.

There was chicken nuggets at work.

granted i twisted my ankle and miss jimmie still...

but not as much as yesterday.

today was a good day :)

kinda want to use my cards

so... I kinda want to use my cards.

Want to ask if the love spell was what the midnight prince card was talking about, or if he still symbolizes an actual person.

Want to ask about school.

Want to just...walk with them. My cards are friends and i have been neglecting them.

but i also can't do any future readings on myself till november. soo..... eh. what to do ?

moving in the right direction

so... things have started moving in the right direction.

Ana is out of the apartment for good, all the way in Virginia. She left the dog with Adam which means he is a whole lot less depressed about everything and seems to hold no resentment. The apartment feels safer... the energy is less hostile.

School... my cards were right. I feel like i have no direction and its like i'm wandering and lost. But if this continue the way the cards say... i should start to level out/find my focus soon. maybe by the end of the semester/beginning of spring.

I've dropped dramatically in the spiritual realm of things.. i need to start doing my daily cards again. I think I might actually start making myself get up at 10 when  my alarm goes off, and go do my card readings at the picnic table near the greenway. I did tat love spell, which i know went through. I've seen the fae twice now in my room... i've just been scared to communicate because i know i've lost some of my host.

Since allowing myself to at least talk to jimmie, my heartache has improved. Yes i still want to see him and i find myself wanting to be with him... intimately. but i also know that i can't emotionally/mentally handle that and i would just devolve into tears.
however i find myself becoming more open to the idea of other people.. like genuinely.

I keep noticing cute girls more. And actually notice a few guys. Theres a barista at starbucks in particular i kind of want to talk to because he gives off good vibes... (not to be confused with the cute girl barista i gave my number to or Weber, the other starbucks barista i met off of tinder). I think he has an ace ring, and he wears a crystal necklace... and hes hella friendly. I noticed him the first time i went to do my homework there, and then today i noticed the ring and necklace. Wouldn't mind getting a drink or coffee with him and just chatting.

because i also need friends.

And Aaron has been a life saver. He's been so good about getting me out of the apartment, either for night walks or inviting me to the studio where he does his art stuff, which helps me meet artsy people so i can make more friends. He'll go on little adventures with me during the day if hes free. He's been such a good distraction and i'm so glad hes not gotten annoyed with me yet. He, Lexi, and now Amy have been such a good support system for me.

School is still a bit of a downer and i need to start doing better in spirituality, but as far as home life, mental and emotional health, and just mood of life in general.... i seem to be moving in the right direction.

Talking

Being around Jimmie without being able to be with him hurt me too much.

So I decided to cut contact. 

Having him interact with my posts and social media made me miss seeing him and talking to him.

So I unfriended him.

Well that just made everything fucking worse. 

I almost drove to his place last night I missed him so badly. 

So.... talking.

No seeing each other in person. 

I won’t add him back on Facebook (at least for now).

But I’ll actually have conversations with him instead of one word responses or leaving him on read. 

That way I havnt lost him completely from my life. 

Maybe just having this little bit of contact is the middle ground I need to be his distant friend until I’m no longer in love with him. 

here's your sign

okay so... last night i did the spell/prayer with offerings thing.

I mentioned the whole non abusive high emotional intelligence thing to her, explained the trauma and needing someone who would be patient and helpful, ect.

I mentioned family oriented, wanting to have a family and someone who was nuturing.

I of coarse explained how i wanted someone compatible with me, my needs, and lifestyle... being able to do things together and encourage eachother.

I mentioned wanting someone whos spiritual path was similar to my own, someone that could help me grow and encourage me spiritually because its a missing piece from every serious relationship i ever had.

and I mentioned wanting a relationship that was focused on growth, both individually and together, and in it for the long term.

I ended it by asking for a clear sign that heard my prayer and was willing to help. I told her it didn't have to happen right away but that when she was ready to help me, I would appreciate it because i'm such a loving person and i need to love others and be loved.

After the spell I walked home... and on the walk home... my necklaces went missing. They fell out of my purse. I walked the entire greenway looking for them and couldn't find them anywhere... I got the distinct feeling that i should trust in what happened and come back in the morning.

I was very disgruntled. But i laughed saying how insane it would be if i met someone in the morning while looking for them.

...
...
...
well.

here's your sign.

I was chatting with my platonic life partner Lauren and starting my search on the greenway this morning. Saw a girl coming out of the greenway and stoppped to ask if she had seen any necklaces on her walk AND SHE DID.

Not only did she tell me the general area that she had seen them, but she actually helped me look and is ultimatley the one that found them a second time and gave them to me herself. I was in such a state of shock that All i could manage to say was thank you and we exchanged names.

now i'm no so delisional to think that this girl, whos name was August, is the next person i'm meant to fall in love with... but she acted as the messenger that Oshun heard my prayer and was willing to help.