blah blah blog (my blog of everything)

I think I would want the second one... but with the feathers trailing out as flames the way the tail does in the first. I also prefer the more stork-like head of the first one compared to the really round head shape of the second.

I know I want red, yellow, orange, blue and maybe purple flames?

Talk with Brigid

Okay reflecting on the reading..

1. Brigid and I are on the same page

2. Don't focus on the material world and money - i'm going to be okay - maybe take a vacation or a get-away... might lead to an opportunity/sign. Also don't resign myself to needing a structured belief system and needing a teacher... listen to the messages I will be receiving through dreams.

3. I'm going to be called towards the environment soon. Either a job opportunity or volunteer or something like that.

thoughts... a job in environmentalism would not be the most financially stable job... but. I don't need to worry about the money so much.... so environmental jobs are back on my radar moving forward. Also need to start paying more attention to my dreams moving forward.

I got a lot of confirmation about shaking other's views and practices and staying true to my own. It's reassuring. Also I need to move forward with this new/returned to old mindset without fear or hesitation. No problemo~

****also Brigid reminded me that there is always a time and place for everything. Time to speak my mind and a time to hold my tongue. Some fights are worth it and some are not.

live and let live

My apologies.... I realize that agnostic pagan is not the correct term.

I think Deistic pagan is closer?

Believe in the gods but not that they are overly active in our lives.

I think we all have one god or goddess that is active in our lives for the entirety of our lives. Our Patron. But I don't think that its necessarily in the day to day activities... mainly that they are there to guide us through life. Kind of like a spirit guide... but on a greater scale.

You can go to different gods, whom you feel drawn to or called to, for different areas of your life or you can choose to work with just one.

But that's just me.

I really feel everything is completely individual.

All gods to ever have been thought up... exist and there is no right or wrong way to see that god.

Even in the christian POV... not a single person has the exact same relationship, interaction, or view of "God".

Same thing for the pagan gods.

I think it a bit arrogant to project your belief and practices as the only "right" way because spirituality is so personal and individual. How one god/dess works with a person could be totally different than how they work with another. Each soul is unique, ergo that deity may have a totally different strategy when working with them.

As long as that individual is happy, fulfilled, and has a good relationship with that god... who are we to judge?

When not dealing with organized religion (and depending on the organized religion) there is no wrong way. Everyone has a path and i'm so tired of people judging others for it.

phase 2

I really can't wait for gyms to open back up.

Since I don't really go for walks anymore, although I could go for them on my own even if its harder, I am living a really sedentary lifestyle. I went for a super short walk the other day with Viking Boy and Xander and holy hell I got so tired so quickly....

I am at the heaviest that I have ever been. I am not beating myself up over it.... but it does bother me.

Pretty much the only place I would find myself motivated to be active... was the gym. Even if I was tired and sore, It wasn't a problem in that atmosphere. I could be at the gym for hours. I can't seem to muster the same discipline when at home or walking by myself.

Plus it provided a sense of control that I miss. There are many things out of my control going on in life right now and its is causing stress in my body in the form of nervous energy. This is presenting in the form of nightmares and self destructive tendencies.

So, for mental health reasons and for physical health reasons... I cannot wait for the gym to open back up. This should be happening within the next few weeks. Phase 1 just happened, and after 2-3 weeks phase 2 will happen... thats when gyms can operate with limited capacity.

I look forward to it.

Wednesday, May 27, 2020

My Rock

My rock.

You are my rock...

you hold me down when I get caught up in the tearing winds of my anxieties and manic episodes.

You are my rock...

You are my safe place to land when I am tired of holding myself up and the world is too heavy.

you are my rock..

you shield my peace of mind and guard my heart when the world seems to barrage me.

You are my rock,

supporting my legs so that I can stand once again when the storm has passed.

Day date

I'm saving up a little bit for a nice date away from everything and everyone with VB to an amusement park. I'm excited to go back to the faerie and dragon figurine shop so maybe pick up some things for my alters. I'm debating getting Mab a painting instead of a figurine.... but Aine i think deserves a new figurine - however if I see anything that screams Mab, I'll of course get it for her.

But really.... i think it doesn't matter all that much what I put on their alters. As long as I am happy and they have representation, its not something to stress about.

And its going to be such a nice weekend <3

Life is good today

You know?

Things really do hit differently when you are at peace and content with life.

cheap shots and catty words, stuff that used to hurt my feelings really just make me laugh now. I actually feel bad for them. Being mean really just attests to them and how unhappy they are rather than anything to do with me.

Meanwhile... i'm good. I don't feel the need to prove anything to anyone anymore. I'm in a healthy place mentally, spiritually, and more or less physically. Viking Boy's family is coming down this weekend and staying for a week! My mom is going to get to meet them over lunch. Work is work.

I still don't have a subleaser for my old apartment but i'm at peace with it.

Honestly? Life is good.