Friday, July 31, 2020

Brigid Focus

Brigid Focus

So I need to work with brigid on a day to day and be less formal and forced about it. 
So naturally i'm doing some research again....and just like always it's really about divine timing. I'm finding stuff that I hadn't before. Or at least I'm seeing it with new eyes.

Plants: red clover, oak, shamrock, rushes
Crystals: moss agate, emerald, garnet, citrine, amber, rainbow obsidian
Perfumes/Scents: Heather, wisteria, violet, lavender, lemon verbena, and heliotrope
Best day: Friday (this will be when i do the candle and readings with her)
Symbols: Triskele ( A symbol I love drawing... really soothes and calms) and Triquetra
Might use the Triskele to make a new card spread..... add it to the list. A simple, general, 9 card spread. 


Message from Brigid:
"Its as good a place as any, we build our altar here... make me your maria. i'm already on my knees.... you had jesus on your breath, so i caught him in mine. Sweating our confessions, The undone and the divine. 'Cause this is his body, This is his blood. Such selfish prayers And I can't get enough"

Part of me has this insane idea to make my body a living altar to her. like getting the Triskele tattooed on me. Part of me wishes I could figure out a way to set up her altar safely in the kitchen where it wouldn't get messy or damaged. I feel like more kitchen witchcraft would please her. Sing to move the energy while I cook. I kind of want to put her on a wall so that the entire kitchen itself is her altar... and I would be worshipping her as I cook and then as I clean.... would also inspire me to clean more. 

And part of me thinks i may need to talk to a catholic person who works with her saintly variation. Or maybe I need to look into that part of her too. 


3 "sisters" or Talents of Brigid: Healing, Poetry (prophecy and learning), and Smithing/fire. Perhaps I have been so focused on the bardic aspect of her that I have neglected the other 2. She is a triple Goddess afterall, and to leave out her other 2 talents/sisters needs to be corrected. I've also seen it as "mother and fertility, healing and art, hearth and fire/smithing". Not quite sure how to worship the mother/fertility aspect other than asking her to bless babies (which i kind of did on instinct the other day). 

Every Day ways to worship her
- get my car fixed... she's a craftsmanship goddess, and use to make/bless horse shoes to protect in transportation... a modern take on this would be cars. Could also set up a way to bless the car through her.... lavender car scent and get some triquetra/triskele stickers?
- ideally set her up in the kitchen and ask her help with cooking/blessing the food before serving it. Ask her as a healer to nourish our bodies (sounds cringingly christian but perhaps for her, that's the point).
- Plant magic/grow your goals (write a dream or goal and plant it with a seed. As the plant grows, so too will your goal)
- "Spring Cleaning".... *sigh* fine. 


Working with her during our 7 week journey to know each other. Once I have her 7 day devotional candle made, Every Friday I will do an activity with her. One way I could do this is on the first and last week do an actual spread with the cards. The 5 weeks in between I can do a single card reading/ask her for updates and then read one of the 5 chapters of "tending Brigid's Flame"... i'll probably read and then talk to her. Honestly that actually feels right. The other days of the week brigid said she wants me to sing to her. I thought that meant setting a specific time to sing to her, but I think that's too forced. What I think she is hoping to do is get me back into the joy of song and dreaming, so she wants me to get into that mentality at least once a day.

The second method I could do is very much like the first, 2 readings, 5 weeks with the book... where I could read the chapter over the course of the  week, and then on that friday do any of the activities/rituals/meditations, mentioned in the chapter with her candle lit on fridays. if there wasn't an activity mentioned, reread favorite part of the chapter with her candle.

Also i think i will keep her candle in the kitchen with me. Maybe I'll get a Triskele windchime and hang it up in the kitchen on the wall?
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oh no...

We might lose the puppy :(

They adoption lady couldn't get ahold of anyone in the apartment office to varify dalton's application and they sent us back the deposit. Nathan forgot to call them.

Im worried they will put her back up online and someone will snag her. I don't know if they will make him apply again or not, or if once Nathan calls they will call VB and tell him to pay the deposit again. But right now we've lost our holding on her.
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Wednesday, July 29, 2020

More Puppy Notes

Chewy
what we will need delivered every month:

- Dog Food: needs 2 cups of food a day....
14 pound bag has 56 cups of food - once a month? $30
28 pound bag has 112 cups of food - every 2 months? $50
- potty bags $6

Vet
Heartworm and flea meds every 3 months  - $90 
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Training games!
Hide and Seek
This can be done with either a person or a favorite toy.

Find
Hide the toy in a hidden place and allow the dog to find it using their senses of smell and sight. This game uses more senses and helps them burn some of their energy off. (Aromatic balls would be good for this)

Come to Me
Sit with the puppy between two people and call them over, each time rewarding with treats or hugs. This game promotes both recall and obedience behavior.

Freeze Games
To do this you should place something that your dog wants just in front of them while they sit or lay down and tell them to leave it.
If they do not go for the treat or toy they can have it. This teaches them restraint and helps them overcome mentally hyperactivity.
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Mental stimulation:

- puzzle treat toys/interactive toys
- leave TV on with the sound up to keep her entertained (animal planet or something with lots of animal noises - i think there are youtube playlists)
-Access to windows...keep the blinds up when not home. 
- hollow toys with treat paste or peanut butter
- Calming Chews
- Freeze a treat in ice; lots of stimulation licking it to get to the treat or toy
- DENTAL CHEWS
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Monday, July 27, 2020

Riesling - Coming soon August 2020

It is confirmed. The deposit has been paid. Late next month we will be bringing home the sweetest lab-boxer puppy home. (great watch dogs and family dogs). Her current name is Riesling, but we are thinking of changing it, Viking Boy has a few names from his storm light books - my favorite being brightness. 

In his books you don't have princesses and princes.... you have Brightnesses and Bright Lords. So.. kind of like how people name their girl dogs Princess all the time.... we would name her Brightness. Honestly out of all possible names, it is my favorite. She also has the brightest colored fur out of the litter and pretty blue eyes(the eye color of royalty in the books). 

In terms of size she could potentially get up to 80lbs - however it looks like she takes after her mom who is a lab retriever mix and her mom was only knee height. But she would get up to 2 feet tall. She definitely sheds like a lab instead of a boxer. 

We aren't too worried about noise - a lab/boxer mix ranks 3/5 with talking/howling and she was the quietest pup in the litter. Even when she did cry while we were there it wasn't loud at all. Amazingly she was also the calmest pup, the others being rambunctious and she chose to lay and relax by the water dish. Now as soon as Viking Boy initiated play she happily complied, but she also calmed down very quickly when we moved away from the pen. 

That being said, we still plan to keep her being very active. Both breeds are a mix of required frequent activity and simulation - we will provide that. Frequent walks and (omg i jut realized that when we walk her in the winter time she'll have a little jacket because they don't do well in the cold.... ) playing in the dog park will be in our future. If she doesn't get enough attention or exercise she will be a chewer. So pretty much anywhere we go we will need to bring her as long as it's not errands. Which is fine because the pub allows dogs and Aaron may be open to puppy play dates. We can take her to the beach and camp with us when the weather's nice. We can take her to play with Jazz at VB's grandparents place. We also will need to make sure she has stimulation to entertain her while we are at work so she doesn't grow too bored. 

omg... its recommended to play hide and seek with them *cries from cuteness*.
Recommends clicker training. Shorter training sessions done more frequently. Def need to train her on being separated - they suffer from separation anxiety. Recommend leaving her alone for short increments and giving an exaggerated amount of attention upon return to let her know that when we leave we will always come back. 

We will subscribe to chewy so that we can get monthly toys and meds for her. and by we, I mean VB. 

She will be introduced to both cats in increments. Keep her just in the bedroom at first, giving her a blanket  to sleep on and then i'll bring the blankets to the kitties. I think for now the shoddy babygat I have will hold until she gets bigger, but we will get an adjustable inside fence. I also plan to make doggy play dates so that she gets socialized with other dogs - especially if she ends up having more boxer-like personality traits.

Grooming:
- Daily brushes during peak shed seasons (spring and fall)
- weekly brushes otherwise.
- baths once a month or as needed
- brush teeth once or twice a week
- trim nails once or twice a month

important notes on health:
- boxers are extremely likely to get cancer. 
- boxers are susceptible to heart disease.
- labs suffer from hip dysplasia 
- labs tend to be allergic to gran (need grain free food). 
-DIET. Labs are very susceptible to obesity. 

DIET
We also have to watch for overeating, when she's grown she'll need about 5 cups of dry food a day (if she gets over 80 lbs), split over 2 servings (night and morning). Although I think perhaps we could break it down into 3 meals a day until she is full grown. We also will get her one of the puzzle eating bowls so that she doesn't eat too quickly. She would be fine with 3 feedings a day (2-2.5 cups a day) until she is 6 months. Figure he could do it before he leaves, after morning walk, I could do it on lunch, and then when we eat dinner/around 8pm? I'm guessing after 6 months it gets moved to 3-3.5 cups a day... Most sites i'm reading say to base it off how fast the puppy grows. Also recommends feeding her puppy food until she is anywhere from 12-24 months old depending on her size. When she reaches adult size is when to put her on adult food. 




Dental:

Food  - grain free
*this brand can actually be fed to dogs of all ages and gives a feeding guide based on the weight of the doggo and age.
adult

For separation anxiety or really stormy days when we can't take her out

misc.
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Friday, July 24, 2020

Dream Interpretation from last night and the night before:

The night before last I dreamed that they fae told me that I wasn't beautiful and that I never would be. I remember being confused in the dream and waking up thinking how totally ridiculous. And I guess thats their way of saying that if I can shake off them telling me i'm not beautiful, then why can't I shake off my own intrusive thoughts and doubts about my beauty?


Last night was an interesting one. 

I actually dreamed about brooks and amy. In the dream the mermaids guided me through a waterway to my apartment complex.  Only for some reason I had to go down this huge staircase to get to the road. The stairs were covered in sand and seashells, almost like they had risen out of the ocean. Well along the way I was finding things that I had lost over the years. Some trinkets but more importantly I came across my self confidence, a sense of beauty, and an older version of myself, that I put on almost like a second skin. Well that older version of myself was the self that looked up, trusted, and admired Brooks. It filled me with affection and warmth and not even a few minutes after I put it on I ran into him and Amy, also on the steps but they were collecting sea shells. 

We spoke and chatted for a few minutes as we temporarily walked in the same direction and this time there was no condiscention in Brook's voice. his voice remained light and happy, and likewise his eyes were warm and soft brown rather than the hard orbs they usually were whenever I would see him. I was once again seeing him through the naive and hopeful eyes of 18 year old me - before things went sour. It was refreshing and we all actually enjoyed the shared time. We (Brooks and I) even spoke of setting a time to sit down together and try to figure out really where our disconnect is presently, if the past is actually let go of.  When I turned to continue down on my way home, they disappeared when I looked back for them. When I made it to the bottom and began to walk the street to my apartment there was a honk behind me. 

Brooks, with Amy in the passenger seat, drove up in a big black truck and passed me. Confused, I waved and jogged behind him. He stopped and waited for me to catch up and make it to the window, which had rolled down. I asked why he was leaving if we were going to talk and try to really reconnect and he laughed in my face and just said "No." he rolled the window up and drove off. I was left feeling a little disappointed but honestly could only shrug and said "Fair."
I unzipped the skin I was wearing and stepped out, letting it fall to the ground, but the coldness that once would hit me when I thought of brooks no longer came.There was by no means the deep admiration and trust that the suit had brought, but there was a warm regard rather than cold indifference. 

I continued to walk to my apartment and along the way I met a young wounded soldier who honestly reminded me of Patrocles (Trojan War, Achilles's lover). I sat on the stairs to my apartment and talked with him for a while and then continued up the stairs and went to my apartment. - and woke up. 
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The mermaids were obviously leading me deeper into my subconscious. The stairs represent going deeper and deeper into my subconscious trying to get "home". And while I was working my way through it I found things that I had discarded and lost such as truly seeing my own beauty, belief in myself, and my childish little sister love of Brooks. Obviously reconnecting with him is out of the window, but I was left with a warmer regard and acceptance of the relationship leaving. I don't remember what I spoke with Patrocles with but I think it had to do with self sacrifice for the love of others - I just can't remember if he was PRO self sacrifice or having done it was warning me not to. Either way as I was leaving the subconscious I was able to bring with me into my waking word a sense of peace. 
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Wednesday, July 22, 2020

light work vs left handed path - updated but still to be reviewed

What is left handed vs right handed path?

*********Okay so  I can only speak from how I understand things. I am not a left handed practitioner and I have only interacted with a few. I am not the most knowledgeable on this subject and can only explain as I understand it.************

A lot of people have in their minds that there is black magic and white magic, good magic and bad magic, etc. There isn't. Magic and witchcraft are a neutral force, whether something is used for good or harm is up to the practitioner. This is where right vs left handed paths come in.

Have you ever heard "love and light," "Only good vibes here," "...and you harm none, do what you will"? These are examples of things that stereotypical "light workers" say and believe. Those that follow the right handed path tend to stay in the light, they focus on positive energy, joy, happiness, and tend to steer clear of using anything negative in their practice. However, there is a practice that doesn't ignore anger, fear, greif, death, destruction... but rather accepts it all in love, and uses it. That's the left handed path. 

Light Workers tend to focus their practice on others and often follow more deity regulated practices and rules - many are christian or follow the Wiccan Rede whose most important rule is "do what you will, but harm none". Even those who do not identify as Wiccan follow the wiccan belief of three fold law - the belief that anything you put out into the world returns to you threefold. Light workers use blessings over hexes, often specialize in chakra and reiki energy work (that's not to say left handed path practitioners don't use it, but that light workers tend to specialize in it), and heal through "love and light". They also tend to work solely with Gods and Goddesses that specialize in protection, healing, or magic.

People in the left handed path tend to be those that don't follow the law of three, have more self regulated practices, and view themselves as an active force when it comes to karma - which is why those in this path tend to be associated with "dark" magic and hexes. By active force, as someone has explained it to me, they do not hex over petty nothings, but rather take on bigger threats for the sake of those that are weaker or unable to push back when someone has pushed them down. This is also the path that tends to work with the dead more, (I don't mean specializing in helping the dead, but rather working with the spirits of the dead and their energy rather than the energies of "life"), are more open to will bending spells, and work with emotions and energies that  self proclaimed "white magic witches" would consider bad - such as anger, fear, and grief. 

Then there comes a difference in the paths that I think is actually explained very simply but efficiently: "left-hand paths, life ways which unlike Wicca and Christianity are focused on self-determination and the power of the self, rather than submitting to a superior force." There is also far less judgment in the left handed path - they may craft a spell for someone and send them on their way, regardless of how that person may use the spell. They simply crafted it, any harm or healing that may come about from it is due to the person who uses it. Each path is individual and they do not force their methods on others - the way many lightworkers do. While those that practice left handed paths do not follow the rules and morals of light workers and light focused paths, they do have their own set of rules unique to their practice. Left handed paths require a great deal of discipline, dedication, and focus.

I generally have a really hard time differentiating Light/Right handed paths from Lefthanded paths because they honestly are not all that different. They are two sides of a coin. They mirror each other. They both have rules, rights, rituals, and take varying degrees of work and dedication. I would even say that left handed paths take more dedication because of the spirits and deities they work with not being as lax as some of the deities that light workers work with. At their core the two paths both achieve pretty much the same goals; manifestation, blessing, healing, learning, and soul growth. They just use different methods. 

I once asked someone that I know that walks the left handed path, about why they wanted to hex someone else. They said it was to inspire personal growth and healing. I asked why not simply bless them and send more healing energy so that they can overcome their trauma and grow? They essentially explained that the hex would use that person's trauma as the learning tool, forcing them to face what was wrong within themselves and grow - rather than putting a bandaid on it or allowing them to ignore the problem any longer. I will talk more on this when I explain shadow work, but I feel that it is an example that really illustrates the two approaches. 

It is important to note that not all practitioners fall into the left handed path or that of light work, these are just two of the most well known. Many fall somewhere in the middle, calling themselves "Grey/Gray" witches. I myself feel that I fall into a lighter shade of grey. Most of the goddesses that I work with are on the lighter end of the spectrum - Aine and Brigid are healers, they bring hope  and love to humanity ( however it is important to remember that all gods are not strictly light or dark.. Aine will make any unworthy lovers of her followers sick or go mad, She punishes those who commit sexual violence, etc.). Demeter is a benevolent neutral goddess who brings forth abundance, but also can cause famine. Maeve is a left handed goddess of personal sovereignty and power. 

**Again this explanation is simply how I understand things, I'm sure someone who walks the left handed path would be able to explain much better and correct me on a lot of things. This is what I have gathered through talking and listening to how the few left handed practitioners I have interacted with. *****
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Friday, July 17, 2020

Smokin’

Let me start off by saying my changing my hair color... is for me. I liked how I looked with blond hair. I chose the color rose gold. Me. I am doing this for myself, because it makes ME feel good about myself.

That being said.. I hope it makes me more attractive to Viking man. It’s so disheartening to be out with him and hear him go on and on about how hot other girls are. Once in the moment sure, but even then an acknowledgment is enough - no need to harp on it. And almost every time it’s some girl with long blonde hair and a big bottom.

I am not changing my hair for him. I am not changing my body for him. Anything that I do to myself is for myself.

But just once it would be nice for him to look at me and say that I am the one who’s “smokin”.  It gets kind of hurtful to feel like I don’t compare to others.
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