I don’t have the bandwidth for dating. I mean not with any actual emotional investment. Casual dates is about all I can muster and even that is taking more spoons than I feel like I can actually give out sustainably.
But my period hit.
And all I want is for someone to cuddle and comfort me.
I want someone to make me the crave foods.
Rub my tummy/back from the cramps.
Give me little kisses.
But more than anything I just want to be held.
I'm starting to settle in. Dishwasher arrived today, I'll be getting it set up soon.
I just need to purge my apartment of all the empty boxes taking up the whole sun room and mud room. I think that will help me feel a bit better. Once I test out the heat, then I'll know whether I want to stay here or not. I'm honestly leaning towards a yes. I know I could find nicer places but this space is really growing on me and i love the yard for snow. I also like the area i'm in to be honest... although the amount of gas i go through is kinda tough.
I really just want to completely settle in. I want to nest. I want to make a home.
I'm craving something to feel familiar. Just to not have to be on edge all the time.
well... that big-change triggered depression is sinking in. So thats fun.
First week of work flew by... has the potential to go really bad.. or really good. We will have to see. I like the people and the atmosphere but expectations, job roles, and order of operations doesn't seem to be super clear.
i'm on the fence about wether i want to stay in this apartment long term or not. Jack got me a portable AC which during a 95 degree day kept it at 75 in my apartment instead of 85. so it works well enough... but nothing compared to central AC and heat. Dishwasher is on its way. but because i'm unsure I havn't had the motivation to finish unpacking... and all the boxes are contributing to the depression.
I want to feel settled.
I am also so tired of being on edge everywhere because nothing is familiar at all.
Alright so we hit a snag,
We had to hire movers. And after that I got confirmation 3 guys i'll be working with volunteered to help me unload, so that should go relatively easy.
I will be moving in on Wednesday, not Tuesday.
I need surge protectors. the kind that also protects against overloading. because there are NOT enough outlets in the apartment....
and without furniture it looks even smaller than I remember :') I may have to rearrange some stuff.
But. It will be okay. If I need to put the vanity in the sun room I can. If I need to put the book shelves in the living room I can.
However..... the portable dishwasher is gone. Which was the reason I chose the bottom floor over the top floor...
so things I now need to buy that was unplanned:
- AC units --> 1 really good ones or 2 so/so ones. I'll wait. summer is almost over. I'll get 2 box fans.
- portable dishwasher --> new is close to $500... buy used facebook marketplace?
- extra powerful surge protectors
- 2 computer and screen power cables - extra long
- 2 extension chords
- a new TV since mine did not make it through the move.
I am officially in wisconsin!
I'll be staying in a hotel tonight and tomorrow until the apartment is ready on tuesday.
nervous. excited.
Otis and I drove all the way to Ohio today, thats the half way mark. We will reach our final hotel tomorrow night.. stay there Sunday and Monday. Hopefully the apartment will be ready for me to move in on tuesday; and Jack & Kat, my new supervisors, said they would help me have a team to help me unload my truck!
I'm so nervous but so excited to get everything unloaded... because its going to take at least a full day alone to put together all my furniture T_T once its put together I'll be able to place them in the rooms they need to go.
First off will be my bed... but i strongly suspect that I will be sleeping on my couch the first night haha.
....
It still dpesn't feel real. It feels like i'm on some weird vacation and I'll be right back at work next week. Seeing everyone. Ellis. Star. Zack. Lexxie. People I saw so regularly...
Its going to be so weird to not walk 2 minutes and be able to knock on her door.
I miss her already.
Part 1
- castle on a hill - Ed Sheeran
- house that built me - meranda lambert
- warrior by demi
- dancing with the devil - demi
- sober - demi
- Angel - within temptaton
- are you really okay? - Sleep Token
- because of you - kelly clarkson
- Kiss with a fist - florence and the machine
- Young god - halsey
- Good old days - Macklemore
- same love maclemore
- young - kenny chensey
- fireflies by faith hill
- Hallucinogens - Matt Maeson
- Theif - Ansel Elgort
- Toxic - Kehlani
- At my worst - Blackbear
- Granite by Sleep Token
- Incapabale by Keyshia Cole
- Tears of Gold - Faouzia
- Lose you to love me - Selena Gomez
- sound of silence - disturbed
- sunshine and summer time by faith hill
- drag queen - Chris Housman
- we are family ?
- Lean on me - florence and the machine
- Darlin by avril lavigne
- The night before Life goes on - Carrie Underwood
- Send me a Song Celtic women
-
Part 2
- Praying Kesha
- Salt by Ava Max
- Bite me Avril Lavigne
- Beauty from Ashes - Celine Dion
- Learn to let it go - Kesha
- Rainbow - Kesha
- Tomorrow will be Kinder
- You Learn - Alanis Morissette
- Hand in my pocket - Alanis Morissette
- This is me - camp rock
- Thank you Next - Ariana Grande
- Shake it off - Taylor Swift
- What doesn't kill you makes you stronger
- Shake it off - Florence and the machine
- Torches - X Ambassador
Part 3
- The circle - Blackmores night
- Pronoia - Carly Pearl
- No tears left to cry - Ariana Grande
- Beautiful by Christina Aguilaera
- Nothings holding me back - shawn mendez
- Good to be alive - Andy Grammer
- unstopable - no resolve
- Rise by fame on fire
- Confident by Demi rock cover
- Try - Pink
- The light - Disturbed
- Jericho - Iniko
Part 4
* Pick songs from the manifestation playlist the manifestation playlist*
