Not the same

So.... kissing and making out with someone, even if it’s someone that I’ve had a crush on since Highschool, just isn’t the same.

The differences were... interesting. Different textures and aspects of a person to kind of explore... but it wasn’t really that fun.  Kissing wasn’t really that good. He was sweet, but... not Jimmie.
Sure it felt nice being adored and lavished with compliments and attention... but it got kind of annoying.

I always found Jimmie aesthetically attractive... now that I have had a recent experience to compare... I find the way he feels attractive too.

I never realized how much I enjoyed the coarseness of jimmies long locks, the way I can run my fingers through his hair and have it catch in my fingers... or the way his chest hair curls. Being rougher in texture makes it comforting to play with. Or how much I preferred the way his skin doesn’t just give in to my touch...

Don’t get me wrong... Dillon was more comfy to cuddle, but it was because he is just...
He was soft. His hair was soft. His skin was super soft. His muscles were soft and it was like being cuddled by a stuffed teddy bear.

But Jimmie... he feels strong when he holds me. His body doesn’t give to mine.. it supports it. I can feel how strong his arms are when they are tapped around me. I can feel the muscle in his shoulders. When he cuddles me, while it may not be like cuddling a cloud or a teddy bear, I feel comfortable because I feel secure and safe.

And I couldn’t help but notice almost the whole time I was kissing Dillon... I wanted jimmie. Dillon was too easy of a prey, as Fiona likes to word it. He was draping me in compliments but his words felt hallow and his tone was the same you give when playing with a toddler.

 His tone of voice was wrong. His smell was wrong. His texture was wrong.

He wasn’t Jimmie.