Progress; looking over the last year.

 Ya know… when I think about the things I still have to overcome and the things I’m missing in my life, I get sad. Almost hopeless. 

But then, I look back over this year. I went from a job that made me insane amounts of money but made me want to commit suicide... to a job that recognized my leadership ability and promoted me to manager after 3 months. 

I recognized my issues with co-dependency and how I no longer had a true identity as a person, and I’ve started reconnecting to things that made me, me. I have a VERY long way to go, but I’ve started therapy again, and this time I’m not going to give up on myself. 

I’m reconnecting to my gods. I’m not where I want to be spiritually, and I have to get past my fear of failure and issues with self worth that Christianity instilled in me… but I’m trying. My gods love me and I’m so grateful for their patience. The spirits that I work with are equally by my side. I’ve started developing the desire to connect to my ancestors. It’s slow work, but no matter how slow, I’m doing it. 

 Am growing as an artist. I had long given up my dream of being a writer. And while I doubt I’ll ever finish a book or get published, I’m rediscovering the joy it brings me. I’ve been developing myself as a burlesque dancer, and I’ve really begun to use performance art to help me process trauma and heal. My growth as an artist is easily one of my biggest accomplishments this year. 

I went from being isolated and alone, basing my identity and whole social world around a single person (who didn’t deserve the responsibility of that and ) who was incapable of supporting or loving me the way I needed to realizing my codependency was a crutch. I’ve stepped back from dating and started to finally give myself the love I desperately threw to others. I’ve reconnected and deepened friendships. I’ve found a family and developed a support system I thought I would never have. 

Moral of the story…. Life is funny. You go from being convinced you’ll marry someone to choosing to be alone. You’ll discover your worth. Realize your flaws and accept that it’s okay to need help to heal them. Discover community. So much progress and growth can happen in a year. Imagine what could happen if you actually have yourself a chance for A lifetime. 

 Don’t focus on how much you still have left to do, everything you are lacking. Focus on how far you’ve come. Be it a step or a mile. want everyone who actually read this to know; no matter how dark and hopeless life seems now…. Life can change. It can be so gradual you don’t notice until you’re halfway out of the pit. Don’t give up. Don’t give up on yourself. Don’t give up on life. Give yourself the chance.