Weight

 I am so fed up and tired of having to think about my weight. 

Ever since I started trying to maintain or loose weight I only seem to gain it. 

I’m trying yet another app and plan to see if it works. It combines a daily 10 minute work out, calorie tracking, hydration tracking, and inter fasting. 

I fucking hate it. I hate how tired I feel after only 3 days. I hate the cravings I get when fasting. 

I hate that in order to not gain weight and maintain the human body you have to try so fucking hard. Make sure you drink enough. Make sure you sleep enough. Make sure you’re active enough. Make sure you eat right - which pretty much means expensive ass groceries or fucking meal prep which is its own chore. 

If it takes this much energy and effort to be able to exist I honestly don’t know i want to. 

I’m so tired of gaining weight but I’m so fucking tired of what I have to do in order to minimize the weight gain - much less lose the weight. 

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Update...I bought a smart scale and I am even heavier than I thought. I also have low bone density, and low protein. my body comp is still at 38% so at least it hasn't gone up even if my weight has. 

this fucking sucks.