Authenticity Retreat: Poetry Method

Poetry Model - Group Spiritual Direction/Authenticity Retreat: 10-6pm

Ask everyone to arrive by 10am

Welcome: Everyone is invited to get a cup of coffee, water, tea, etc. Grab a journal if they did not bring one. Grab a poetry book if they did not bring something with them and are welcome to look through them. This is a time to introduce ourselves unofficially, catch up with anyone we know, or just sit in silence. Take 30 minutes to settle into your body, settle into the space, and just pause. 

Opening Exercise: the name game (shake out bodies, help break any nervous tension, etc) 

Meditative Center: Drumming and guidance through a light body exercise to help ground everyone and  set the stage for contemplative awareness. Drum and ask reflective questions to get our minds open:

• What are we inviting into this moment?
• What within you is asking to be heard today?
• Is there something you are being invited to change or explore?

Remind them that they are in sacred space - meaning they are safe to let down any masks and expectations. They can express themselves freely. This is a space of loving support and everyone is welcome to exist exactly how they wish to be. It is sacred because it is special, it is special because we have decided to carve out a time and place together. This is co-creation. 

Drumming ends and we take three deep breaths as a group. SD invites everyone to place an item on the altar in the middle of the room - anything they feel represents them in who they are; saying their name as they do so. 

Calling in the intention for the day: SD Leads and then opens the floor - anyone who wants to share what came up for them in the meditation can do so. If no one wants to share or if only a few people do, then ask how everyone is feeling. is anyone nervous? Feeling resistant? Hopeful?

11:30 - Break for lunch! Come back 12:30. 

Introduce the practice of Lectio Divina and explain that we are going to use poetry as our primary medium for the day. Typically done to connect with The Divine - we are seeking to connect to the divine within us - our authentic core.  We do this by being open and honest with ourselves, what particular word or phrase comes up for us, does it touch anything in our actual lives, what emotions or sensations do we feel in our body, what images arise from it? Write it down and do not worry about making it seem cohesive. This could be bullet points, it could be stream of consciousness,  etc. Just write what comes up for you. Explain the 1-2 word echo's from each person's share. 

1) The Initial Sowing:

Person A reads Poem 1 aloud for the first time.

The Silence: 2–3 minutes of absolute quiet. Everyone writes down their raw imagery, feelings, or words in their notebooks.

2) The Multi-Reflection Carousel (The "Rinse & Repeat" Core)

Round 1: Person A’s Reflection- Person A reads the poem again and shares what it means to their authentic self.

Persons B, C, D, E, and F each give just a word or two that they really hear in Person A's words.

Director Summarizes: You anchor Person A's share and transition.

Round 2: Person B’s Reflection - Person B shares their reflection on Poem 1 from their notebook.

The other 4 people (A, C, D, E, F) give just a word or two they hear in Person B's share.

Director Summarizes: You anchor Person B's unique lens.

Round 3: Person C’s Reflection - Person C shares their reflection on Poem 1.

The other 4 people offer their 1-word echoes.

Director Summarizes Person C.

So on and so forth

3) Phase 3: The Poem Closure

Communal Silence: Once all 6 parties have shared and been summarized, you call for 2–3 minutes of silent integration.

The Transition: You officially close the chapter on Poem 1, take a deep breath, and hand the floor to Person B to introduce Poem 2 to start the entire process over.

The cycle repeats until all people have shared their poem. 

********IMPORTANT: take a 10 minutes tea and coffee break half way through (after poem 3)

Invitation to take some reflective pause; walk around, be in nature, and agree to come back after 15-30 minutes minutes depending on how much time is left. 

Bringing everyone back: Drumming and deep breathing - Gentle movement Body scan to ground us back in the moment. 

Closing Discussions: 

Round 1: The Vulnerability of Sharing and Echoing

The Prompt: "How did it feel to share your raw inner reflections out loud, and then immediately hear the group throw back a word or two? What did it feel like to have your words mirrored without anyone trying to fix or advise you?"

What this illuminates: This helps participants notice if their authentic self felt safe, defensive, or relieved. It highlights the power of simple validation.

Round 2: The Gift of the Offering

The Prompt: "How did it feel to watch five other people make completely unique meaning out of the poem you brought into the room? What was it like to see your offering touch others in ways you didn't expect?"

What this illuminates: This cultivates a deep sense of spiritual generosity. It shows the speaker that their choice had a ripple effect across five other distinct internal worlds.

Round 3: any open discussion that emerges naturally. 

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Actual timeline TBD - I will have to do a trial run with circle of facilitators to see how long each poetry run will last. 

The Master Retreat Timeline (10:00 AM – 5:10 PM)

10:00 AM – 10:30 AM: Welcome & Settle 

Coffee, tea, journaling prep, unmasking, and settling into the physical space.

10:30 AM – 11:30 AM: Opening Exercise & Meditative Center 

Name game, grounding drumming, body exercise, altar placement, and opening reflections.

11:30 AM – 12:50 PM: Lunch Break (about 60 mins)

a full hour ensures people can properly digest and rest.

12:30 PM – 12:45 PM: Intro to Lectio Divina / Poetry Practice 

setting expectations for non-judgmental listening, writing down raw imagery, and explaining the "1-word echo" rule.

12:45 PM – 2:30 PM: Poetry Carousel: Part I 

Poem 1 : Initial sowing, 6 shared reflections, 1-word echoes, director summaries, and poem closure.

Poem 2 : Full loop.

Poem 3 :  Full loop.

2:30 PM – 2:45 PM: Comfort, Stretch & Tea Break 

Essential mental break to clear the air before moving to the next set of poems.

2:45 PM – 4:30 PM: Poetry Carousel: Part II 

Poem 4 : Full loop.

Poem 5: Full loop.

Poem 6: Full loop.

4:30 PM – 5 PM: Reflective Pause & Nature Walk 

Private, silent integration time outside to sit with their notebook entries.

5PM -- 5:15PM: Regrounding & Re-entry

Gentle drumming, body scan, and shifting back into the collective circle.

5:15 PM – 6 PM: Closing Harvest Discussions (34 mins)

Round 1 : The Vulnerability of Sharing and Echoing.

Round 2 : The Gift of the Offering.

Round 3 : Open discussion, final director blessing/summary, and departures.

Hope is a crushed stalk - Pauli Murray

 Hope is a crushed stalk

Between clenched fingers.
Hope is a bird’s wing
Broken by a stone.
Hope is a word in a tuneless ditty -
A word whispered with the wind,
A dream of forty acres and a mule,
A cabin of one’s own and a moment to rest,
A name and a place for one’s children
And children’s children at last. . .
Hope is a song in a weary throat.
- Pauli Murray

group reflections

•  What within you is asking to be heard today?
• I am nervous... i am scared to be hopeful because i feel trapped
• I am loving the idea of group spiritual direction and taking on clients 
• I am loving the idea of living a life that is authentic and carries the flavor of spirituality at all times
• then i can feel more natrural in having that color lay over my life at home too. 
• Everything i currently do feels so stark in comparison to the spiritual. 
• I am scared i won't be able to make this transition. I won't be able to survive on it. 
• What if the dream is not substanciable. 
• What within you is asking for your attention
• I am lonely. 
• I miss community. 
• I worry that without community to help me keep my shape... I do not have a true identity or sense of self
• I am lonely
• I miss my gods
• I want to pray more
• I want to do readings
• but i'm resistant for some reason. 
• I keep myself isolated 
• I am lonely. 
• Why is it asking for my attentiion
• because loneliness only makes me feel more trapped and hopeless
• why?
• because we are not meant to be alone.
• We are meant to have community
• seeking community does not make you weak 
• I am scared of rejection, so i isolate. 
• This is a limiting belief and boundary i put on myself. 

Sacred Flame: but what if im not religious?

 For those that think Spiritual direction is not for you because you are not religious:

"A knowledge of the existence of something we cannot penetrate, of the manifestations of the profoundest reason and the most radiant beauty, which are only accessible to our reason in their most elementary forms - it is this knowledge and this emotion that constitute the truly religious attitude; in this sense, and in this alone, I am a deeply religious man." - Albert Einstein

"Whether we think of ourselves as religious or not, most people, at times, consider religious questions. We may also experience religious feelings. This can be as simple as responding to beauty, order, and unanswered questions about the world, which may prompt appreciation and wonder. It may also, on occasion, give a sense of something more — in feeling part of all that is, with a sense of clarity and meaning in what we see.” - Todd Macalister

“...a larger, richer, more satisfying life is, in the last analysis, the end of religion. The love of life, at any and every level of development, is the religious impulse.” - William James (on how religion is not about belief, but rather about life.)

"We are the local embodiment of a Cosmos grown to self-awareness. We have begun to contemplate our origins: starstuff pondering the stars; organized assemblages of ten billion billion billion atoms considering the evolution of atoms; tracing the long journey by which, here at least, consciousness arose. Our loyalties are to the species and the planet. We speak for Earth. Our obligation to survive is owed not just to ourselves but also to that Cosmos, ancient and vast, from which we spring.”

― Carl Sagan

Connection Exercise

 "Here is an exercise that can help you find more connection with those you are working with in the field while also acknowledging the boundaries that exist between you. You can try this exercise with someone you are working with, but you may first want to try it with a friend, loved one, coworker, or even your dog. It is actually something you can consciously ask the other person to do with you, or you can do it without them knowing you are doing it, with differing impacts based on your approach."

1. Sitting face to face, take a deep breath and settle into your body. Tune your awareness into the space around your heart, and then tune into their heart. Connect to any sense of a field of energy linking your two hearts. Consider that this field of heart energy is an incarnation of the connection that you have to each other. If you don’t notice anything, don’t worry about it; just try it out, and stay open and curious. Stay with it for several minutes.
2. Next, become aware of the space between you, notice the distinction between where your body ends and where the other person’s body ends. Notice how you are different. This space exemplifies the boundaries that exist between you, as well as the individuality each of you possesses. Without adding any cognitive stories, stay with a feeling of separation for a few minutes. You can practice keeping these two polarities in balance, and you can use this skill as a tool to maintain equilibrium within the helping relationships you find yourself in.

"For example, if you are feeling disconnected from a person (perhaps you are engaged in an internal dialogue that is judging him or her or you have checked out in some other way), you can use the heart practice to reconnect. Or, on the other hand, if you are feeling overwhelmed with empathy or are losing yourself in any way, you can bring your awareness back to the space between you, as a way to create more balance for yourself."

Weight part 2

 12lbs in 2 months is not normal... but when i look at how this year has gone, hormal changes from high cortisol make sense.

• January: Find out smokey is dying and greif starts
• Fenruary: new kittens + emotional adjustment
• end of Feb: Smokey dies
• Winter and Spring: repeated sickness/antibiotics
• May: steroids
• April Move homes
• Starting in March: Work busy season starts and continues until December
• Grad school deadline through this all 

I think my plan will be this:

- maintain the 14:10/16:8 IF but don't beat myself up if i break it early. 

- maintain the 10K steps via dog walks 

- be more consistent with the 10 minute floor/wall pillates work outs (i've missed 3 because i have them set for every day... i might make it every other for consistency.)

- add 20 minutes weight training (40lb squats and deadlifts. This is not my max weight but it is heavy enough that it is a work out, bodyweight pushups, MAYBE some adapted rows or bicep curls because I only have an adjustable dumbell at home)

I also bought some protein bars to add 15-20g of protien for breakfast/snack. its expensiv e so idk if I can have one every day but it will help. 

Lets see if this helps. 

Weight

 I am so fed up and tired of having to think about my weight. 

Ever since I started trying to maintain or loose weight I only seem to gain it. 

I’m trying yet another app and plan to see if it works. It combines a daily 10 minute work out, calorie tracking, hydration tracking, and inter fasting. 

I fucking hate it. I hate how tired I feel after only 3 days. I hate the cravings I get when fasting. 

I hate that in order to not gain weight and maintain the human body you have to try so fucking hard. Make sure you drink enough. Make sure you sleep enough. Make sure you’re active enough. Make sure you eat right - which pretty much means expensive ass groceries or fucking meal prep which is its own chore. 

If it takes this much energy and effort to be able to exist I honestly don’t know i want to. 

I’m so tired of gaining weight but I’m so fucking tired of what I have to do in order to minimize the weight gain - much less lose the weight. 

***

Update...I bought a smart scale and I am even heavier than I thought. I also have low bone density, and low protein. my body comp is still at 38% so at least it hasn't gone up even if my weight has. 

this fucking sucks.