corie as of now (be careful what you wish for)

as of right now his is how i see my relationship with corie.


we are dating.
we are not married nor have we talked about commitment.


she is showing signs of emotional investment....

talking about taking me to texas,
wanting me to meet her mom
wanting me to meet her best friends in pittsburg


where as.... although i'm not ashamed of corie... i have no burning desire to introduce her to all of my friends...mainly because personalities wouldn't mix.
i wasn't eager to introduce her to my mom....SHE wanted to meet my mom (who although doesn't dislike her...doesn't particularly like her. shes neutral... doesn't feel any particular way)
i'll call corie my girlfriend but i'm not gushing about her all the time nor do i want to shout it from the roof tops.


iif i had to label how the relationship feels from my perspective... it would be more along the lines of a friends with benifits.


i'm drawn to Corie because she is intrgueing and msterious. She promises (not literally) adventure and new knowledge. She is playful and exciting.

and fun.

thats all this is to me. fun.

its nothing serious to me.
but i'm worried she may want it to be?

she is worried that she'll end up being used.

am i using her? i'm not intending to.

i'm learning things from her. in different areas.
i'm having fun with her.
we have intersting conversations.
whenever my labido is up the sex-stuff is good.



but its not serious for me.

i think after jake.... i'm in a transition.
and although i don't want to be alone in this time of transition i don't want to be in a serious relationship.

i don't think i can be.

i think after jake.... i can't emotionally commit.
at least not the way i use to.
it takes me a hell of a lot longer to develope feelings.

and you know what?
i'm fine with that.

i'm young.
i shouldn't be tied down right now.
i should be out having fun.


and to me thats all this is.
interesting, adventerous fun.

thats how i see corie.

i just have a feeling she wouldn't be to hapy to hear that.

but thts how it is for me.


now now now.... before you say i'm a horrible person and i'm leading her on....

i havn;t said i loved her.
we havn't talked about commitment.
we havn't talked about what we want out of the relationship...exactly.

i want to be with her. as of right now. i want to be with her because its fun.

but she really likes me. i can tell.

in a way it gives all the power to me, which is dangerous. so i will draw a line.

If she says the L word.... i'll cut this off.

i am not looking for love right now. It will find me when i'm ready.

right now? i'm just going with the flow and the flow brought me to corie. so thats where i am.


will she end up hurt? probably.
am i going to end it now? hell no.
does that make me a bad person? no. because right now we are both enjoying ourselves.

if the relationship starts to evolve i'll cross that bridge when we get there.

i'm enjoying myself....

i have spent all this time up till now trying to please others.

now its my turn. I'm letting faerie Lisa have her time.

and you know what? thats what corie wants. She wants me to embrace my faerie side... so she asked for this.

does she realy know what she asked for? no. have i tried to explain it to her? yes. it only intrigued her more...

so before you go and say i'm suing her and its bad.... i think she may be doing the same thing... only unlike me, her emotions are at play.


i'm having fun and i will continue to have fun until i get to that line i drew.  till then? go with the flow.

I' doing what corie wants.... i'm letting the faerie out.