nightmares

so latley ive been having bad dreams,,, and i don't know why.

im alwas stressed about money, but that aside i havn't been stressed or upset.

aside from the low key anxiety about getting pregnant... but i'm going to have that until i get my copper IUD. (oh yeah...idk if i forgot to tell you but my bipolar meds make all but 1 form of birth control null and void.... thanks bipolar....)

this last one was kinda bad though.

there was a girl in the dream that  had just met the day before. that night i dreampt about her and in the dream i was her, and we were having a vision of her death. the next day jimmie and i went walking (it was snowy and pretty) and we ended up finding her body. She was up on a stalk (or maybe a cross... i can't remember) with her eyes removed.

this was at a nature center where a rare type of bird came every year to lay iys eggs and raise its young during the winter.

I noticed that one of the birds in the nest was a fake.... it was a clue left by the killer.

**mind you at this part i am still reeling from the girl's fear as she saw he own death happen and knew it was coming***

so i go home and start blogging about how sad it was that those rare baby birds would probably die since the nest had been corrupted with human scent.

as i was blogging, Jimmie told me good bye and went to work or to run an errand or something. Almost as soon as he was gone, Bigus (who apparently had been in the room with me) made a move on me, knowing i wasn't interested and i was engaged to jimmie **in the dream guy**

he began holding my arms down and kissing the back of my neck as i sat at my computer desk and i felt the feeling of fear take over my body. i grew cold as my blood turned to ice and my stomach felt sick. It was the same weak feeling i had with corie. Within milliseconds my brain was reaching out to disassociate, to get away from what was about to happen...

only unlike with corie fae didn't reach back. instead i was alone. and trapped.

jimmie woke me up in that moment of realization, asking me what time it was.

the feelings still lingered, only made fresh and almost triggered flashbacks, so all i could do was curl up and cry as he held me. Mind you i was trying to keep myself together. If jimmie hadn't been there i probably would have had a panic attack.



*****

so lets intemperate?

Psychic vision - To dream that you are psychic represents your intuition and the sensitive side of your personality.

psycic dream (seeing the killer) -  suggests that an essential aspect of your emotions have been cut off. You feel that you are losing your identity and your individuality. Alternatively, this dream may represent purification and the healing process. You are standing up for yourself and putting a dramatic end to something.

murder - To dream that you witness a murder indicates deep-seated anger towards somebody. Consider how the victim represents aspects of yourself that you want to destroy or eliminate.

winter - To dream of winter signifies ill-health, depression, and misfortune. The dream may be analogous to how you are feeling - emotionally cold and frigid. Alternatively, winter is a time of reflection and spiritual introspection

baby birds dying - To dream of dead or dying birds indicates disappointments. You will find yourself worrying over problems that are nagging on your mind.

rape - To dream that you were raped or almost raped indicates you feel that you have been violated or that you have been taken advantage of. Something or someone is jeopardizing your self-esteem and emotional well-being. Things are being forced upon you. Dreams of rape are also common for those who were actually raped in their waking life.

* alternativly since rape is one of my biggest fears...

rape - To dream that you worse fears are coming true signifies your resistance to change. You are afraid to confront the unknown aspects of yourself.


how the heck do i interpenetrate that?