Post Assault pre therapy

 It comes in the quiet moments:

Stupid. 

How could you have been so stupid. 

I was stupid for going there already tipsy. 

I was stupid for not leaving when I realized he wasn’t honoring his own rule. 

I was stupid for going to his home. 

Stupid.

Stupid.

Filthy. 

I felt his penis. 

Stupid. 

Nieve, not stupid. - F

It was squishy as he tried to ram it inside me.

Stupid.

I want to barf.

“Not my fault” - my fault. 

I showed up tipsy. I got drunk. 

I let him do the other things.

That’s why he thought he could do THAT.

Not your fault. - F

He didn’t ask. - Flower 

You didn’t know. - ???

Not our fault. - Siren

It’s okay - ??

He didn’t have a condom. 

I wouldn’t have done anything without a condom. 

I felt his penis. 

I want to barf.

Dirty

Defiled 

Lucky I got off so easy. 

Stop it - F 

Someone is crying. Maybe it’s them. Maybe it’s me. 

Stupid.

How could I have been so stupid?