Knife

 Its now Wednesday 9/12 at 10:55 in the morning. 

Monday Night at around 11:15pm I was attacked by a man with a knife. 

I froze, like I always do. But Snow saved me, she kept him away long enough that I could snap out of it and we ran. I paused and looked behind.... he was chasing. I ran even faster and in the dark until I found an open building to hide in and called 911. 

I am physically unharmed. 

Mentally I am... stuck between not wanting to be in a reality where this happened, and being unable to escape the fear. I've been followed before. I've been almost attcked before. I've been afraid before. 

This is the first time I have felt mortal fear. 

I just want to sleep. 

I can't focus on work. I can't focus on anything. 

I just want to sleep.

My next steps once I get out of this fearful depression is protection. I've already ordered pepper gel. 

Next step: Get a gun. 

I already know what gun I want. 9mm Smith & Wesson. 

I've narrowed it down to these 4: will boil down to weight in my hand I think

• M&P Sheild Plus Optics Ready Thumb Saftey 10RD
• Full
• State compliant: CA, CO, CT, DE, HI, IL, NJ, NY, OR, RI, VT, WA
• SKU: 14033
• 10 rounds
• 24.7 oz weight
• M&P 9M 2.0 Compact CA Compliant 
• compact
• State compliant: CA, CO, CT, DE, HI, IL, NJ, NY, OR, RI, VT, WA
• SKU: 14032
• 10 rounds
• 24oz weight
• M&P 9 Sheild compliant 
• Micro-Compact
• State Compliant: CA, CO, CT, DE, HI, IL, MD, NJ, NY, OR, RI, VT, WA
• SKU: 187021
• 7,8 rounds
• 34.24 oz weight - might be too heavy
• M&P 9 Sheild HI Viz Sights 
• Micro-compact 
• state complaint: CA, CO, CT, DE, HI, IL, MD, NJ, NY, OR, RI, VT, WA
• SKU: 11905
• 7,8 rounds
• 20.9 oz weight

Final step: Cancel the gym membership and start Ju Jitsu. Good go grappling. If I have to defend myself then I will most likely end up on the ground and on my back - I need to know what to do in that case.